Author Topic: They need to have a sibling  (Read 10428 times)

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daen

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #60 on: May 03, 2013, 11:49:44 AM »
The part I bolded reminds me of a book I once read called Birth Order. The author talks about how one's birth order often affects their personality, but that kids born many years after another sibling are a lot more like a first/only child than a younger sibling.

My husband and a few of my friends will vouch for much-older siblings acting more like additional parents than siblings, or at least not having the same immediacy in the rel@tionship because older sib moves out of the house relatively early in the younger sib's life.

*inviteseller

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #61 on: May 03, 2013, 11:55:42 AM »
The part I bolded reminds me of a book I once read called Birth Order. The author talks about how one's birth order often affects their personality, but that kids born many years after another sibling are a lot more like a first/only child than a younger sibling.

My husband and a few of my friends will vouch for much-older siblings acting more like additional parents than siblings, or at least not having the same immediacy in the rel@tionship because older sib moves out of the house relatively early in the younger sib's life.

My siblings are older than me and due to my mom dying when I was young, they did take a pseudo parent role to back my dad up.  With my 2, they are true sisters..older one does not act as the parent, in fact they plot against me  :o.  But it is tough with the big difference as they are at such extremely different phases of life, but the older does make sure to take time to be with her sister and have sisterly fun together.

mmswm

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #62 on: May 03, 2013, 01:05:01 PM »
The part I bolded reminds me of a book I once read called Birth Order. The author talks about how one's birth order often affects their personality, but that kids born many years after another sibling are a lot more like a first/only child than a younger sibling.

My husband and a few of my friends will vouch for much-older siblings acting more like additional parents than siblings, or at least not having the same immediacy in the rel@tionship because older sib moves out of the house relatively early in the younger sib's life.

My siblings are older than me and due to my mom dying when I was young, they did take a pseudo parent role to back my dad up.  With my 2, they are true sisters..older one does not act as the parent, in fact they plot against me  :o.  But it is tough with the big difference as they are at such extremely different phases of life, but the older does make sure to take time to be with her sister and have sisterly fun together.

My siblings and I are 41, 37, 36, 23, 11, and 10.  We tend to group ourselves into three phases.  Phase 1 is the older three (I'm a part of that group), phase two is the 23 year old and phase three is the two little ones. Those of us in phase one tend to be additional parent-type figures to phase three.  Phase 2 is too old for that sort of relationship with phase one and too young for that sort of relationship with phase 3.  My mother's 10 year old and my 10 year old have more of a brother/twin relationship. When my little one was a baby I spent a lot of time with my parents. My parents got custody of my brother a few months after my little one got home from the NICU.  They spent their baby and toddlerhood together before I moved.  Now that I'm back, they're back to their same routines.  My older two kids are more like cousins to the younger two siblings instead of the technical aunt/uncle and nephew relationship.

stitchygreyanonymouse

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #63 on: May 03, 2013, 03:14:28 PM »
I can certainly see how that happens. Im 6&7 years older than my younger siblings, and due to circumstances of our childhoods I was in more of a parental role than a sisterly one, then I moved out at 16, and went across the country for college at 18. Now that we are all adults, were slowly trying to build more sisterly relationships, but it is slow going. They will probably always be closer to each other than me, because of the age difference between us.

Likewise, although I have an older half-sibling, we were never raised together, so Im much more 'oldest-child'.

magicdomino

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #64 on: May 03, 2013, 05:04:06 PM »
I wanted to be pregnant in winter and deliver in spring, because Mississippi is hot and horrible in the summer.

My due date is in September, so I'll be 6-7-8 months in June, July, and August.


Yeah, my mother hated being pregnant during the summer, and tried to plan accordingly.  All four of us were born during August and September.   :D

lilblu

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #65 on: May 04, 2013, 01:50:07 AM »
May I say something even if it will probably make some people upset?

I didn't read through all the responses here, but I'm going to assume nobody has posted anything similar to what I'm about to say. I just wanted to put this out there to give a little perspective because this is a touchy subject for me.

I do agree it's wrong for other people to comment on another person's parenting choices (like when they're going to have another child). But I have to say that as an only child myself, I would ask the parents of an only child when they're going to have another child in order to help out another only child. Some only children may love being an only child and it may work out for them in life. But I think it friggin sucks! For the rest of my life I will always be upset with my parents for not giving me a sibling. You have no idea how horrible it is (for me) being an only child. I think it's actually way worse now that I'm an adult. The older I get, the more upset I get about it.

So I would totally comment about how an only child needs a sibling. I don't care if it's considered poor etiquette because to me, being an only child is equivalent to child abuse. In fact, I would have preferred my parents to have beat me (or worse) than to be an only child. Yes, I actually felt that way as a teenager and still feel that way. I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but unless you're an only child, you don't have the right to be upset because there is no way you can possibly understand.

And again, I just had to say that to give a little perspective. Sometimes people wonder when you're going to have another child because they're concerned about a child being an only child. This wasn't meant to start a heated debate, I just wanted to give my view (a different perspective) on the subject because this entire thread is basically about being an only child and I am an only child. I don't think there's many of us out there. I think there was only two or three of us in my entire graduating class - 160 or so.

lilihob

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #66 on: May 04, 2013, 05:01:01 AM »
I am an only child, I am fine with it. My parents are both from large 6+ families, and accordingly, often did without( attention, timewise, financially).
Now they are getting older, with my health, I do worry, BUT, I see a lot of people with awful siblings, so this mythical sibling may have been no help.

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #67 on: May 04, 2013, 10:10:21 AM »
May I say something even if it will probably make some people upset?

I didn't read through all the responses here, but I'm going to assume nobody has posted anything similar to what I'm about to say. I just wanted to put this out there to give a little perspective because this is a touchy subject for me.

I do agree it's wrong for other people to comment on another person's parenting choices (like when they're going to have another child). But I have to say that as an only child myself, I would ask the parents of an only child when they're going to have another child in order to help out another only child. Some only children may love being an only child and it may work out for them in life. But I think it friggin sucks! For the rest of my life I will always be upset with my parents for not giving me a sibling. You have no idea how horrible it is (for me) being an only child. I think it's actually way worse now that I'm an adult. The older I get, the more upset I get about it.

So I would totally comment about how an only child needs a sibling. I don't care if it's considered poor etiquette because to me, being an only child is equivalent to child abuse. In fact, I would have preferred my parents to have beat me (or worse) than to be an only child. Yes, I actually felt that way as a teenager and still feel that way. I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but unless you're an only child, you don't have the right to be upset because there is no way you can possibly understand.

And again, I just had to say that to give a little perspective. Sometimes people wonder when you're going to have another child because they're concerned about a child being an only child. This wasn't meant to start a heated debate, I just wanted to give my view (a different perspective) on the subject because this entire thread is basically about being an only child and I am an only child. I don't think there's many of us out there. I think there was only two or three of us in my entire graduating class - 160 or so.

What do you think having a sibling would have made your life better? A built in best friend? Me and my older sister fought like cats and dogs growing up and the only reason we are still talking is because my parents are still alive. I am pretty sure that once they die she will not bother contact me again.  Someone to help out with caring for your parents? My older sister is in Texas, my younger sister is in Germany - I live in NY and my parents are in NJ - caretaking will fall to me because I am the logical choice and while my younger sister will probably want to help, logistically there isn't much she can do from across an ocean.

Having a sibling is no guarantee of anything - I know lots of only children who are happy and successful adults.

RooRoo

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #68 on: May 04, 2013, 10:44:04 AM »
Quote
being an only child is equivalent to child abuse.

Now that's "an interesting assumption."  >:(  If you were abused, it had nothing to do with the absence of a sibling.

I used to wish I was an only child, because my older sister beat me up and did other hurtful things throughout our childhood. She and I discovered, in our late 20s, that it was due to a dynamic set up by our mother (without knowing it). We've been friends and real sisters to each other ever since.

If either of us had been the only child, the dynamic would still have existed, and we still would have suffered the effects. Emphasis on "suffered." And we would be without a good friend to talk to who understands the situation from the inside!
"Someday we must write a book of Etiquette for sensible people," said Mrs. Morland, "though apart from a few rules it really boils down to an educated mind and a kind heart." ~ Angela Thirkell, Never Too Late

LeveeWoman

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #69 on: May 04, 2013, 11:00:42 AM »
May I say something even if it will probably make some people upset?

I didn't read through all the responses here, but I'm going to assume nobody has posted anything similar to what I'm about to say. I just wanted to put this out there to give a little perspective because this is a touchy subject for me.

I do agree it's wrong for other people to comment on another person's parenting choices (like when they're going to have another child). But I have to say that as an only child myself, I would ask the parents of an only child when they're going to have another child in order to help out another only child. Some only children may love being an only child and it may work out for them in life. But I think it friggin sucks! For the rest of my life I will always be upset with my parents for not giving me a sibling. You have no idea how horrible it is (for me) being an only child. I think it's actually way worse now that I'm an adult. The older I get, the more upset I get about it.

So I would totally comment about how an only child needs a sibling. I don't care if it's considered poor etiquette because to me, being an only child is equivalent to child abuse. In fact, I would have preferred my parents to have beat me (or worse) than to be an only child. Yes, I actually felt that way as a teenager and still feel that way. I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but unless you're an only child, you don't have the right to be upset because there is no way you can possibly understand.

And again, I just had to say that to give a little perspective. Sometimes people wonder when you're going to have another child because they're concerned about a child being an only child. This wasn't meant to start a heated debate, I just wanted to give my view (a different perspective) on the subject because this entire thread is basically about being an only child and I am an only child. I don't think there's many of us out there. I think there was only two or three of us in my entire graduating class - 160 or so.

You're deliberately being rude?

LadyClaire

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #70 on: May 04, 2013, 11:04:05 AM »
Wow. Only having one child is the same as child abuse? That is really over the top and yes, an extremely inflammatory thing to say.

Parents don't owe their children a sibling. They owe their kids a good upbringing, but a sibling does not have to be a part of that. Some people can only have one child. Some can't afford a second child. Some might only feel like they can give one child a good life, and bringing a second child into their lives would create a burden on the family.

I know several only children who are perfectly happy with their status as such. A few of them are actually happy to have been only children, because they have seen a lot of bad relationships between siblings.

My husband is the youngest of five children. I think he actually only really likes one of his siblings, and she lives across the country.

Dragonflymom

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #71 on: May 04, 2013, 11:40:25 AM »
May I say something even if it will probably make some people upset?

I didn't read through all the responses here, but I'm going to assume nobody has posted anything similar to what I'm about to say. I just wanted to put this out there to give a little perspective because this is a touchy subject for me.

I do agree it's wrong for other people to comment on another person's parenting choices (like when they're going to have another child). But I have to say that as an only child myself, I would ask the parents of an only child when they're going to have another child in order to help out another only child. Some only children may love being an only child and it may work out for them in life. But I think it friggin sucks! For the rest of my life I will always be upset with my parents for not giving me a sibling. You have no idea how horrible it is (for me) being an only child. I think it's actually way worse now that I'm an adult. The older I get, the more upset I get about it.

So I would totally comment about how an only child needs a sibling. I don't care if it's considered poor etiquette because to me, being an only child is equivalent to child abuse. In fact, I would have preferred my parents to have beat me (or worse) than to be an only child. Yes, I actually felt that way as a teenager and still feel that way. I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but unless you're an only child, you don't have the right to be upset because there is no way you can possibly understand.

And again, I just had to say that to give a little perspective. Sometimes people wonder when you're going to have another child because they're concerned about a child being an only child. This wasn't meant to start a heated debate, I just wanted to give my view (a different perspective) on the subject because this entire thread is basically about being an only child and I am an only child. I don't think there's many of us out there. I think there was only two or three of us in my entire graduating class - 160 or so.

Wow nice to know I'm abusing my child - strangely she seems perfectly happy being an only child, which is a darned good thing because my pregnancy with her almost killed both of us.
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Perfect Circle

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #72 on: May 04, 2013, 11:42:18 AM »
Liblu, that is incredibly offensive.

I only have one child. I nearly died having her and any consequent pregnancy would be incredibly risky. I also never wanted more than one child so I'm absolutely fine with it.

I am not abusing my child. Not in any shape, form or way.
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Ticia

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #73 on: May 04, 2013, 11:46:56 AM »

So I would totally comment about how an only child needs a sibling. I don't care if it's considered poor etiquette because to me, being an only child is equivalent to child abuse. In fact, I would have preferred my parents to have beat me (or worse) than to be an only child. Yes, I actually felt that way as a teenager and still feel that way. I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but unless you're an only child, you don't have the right to be upset because there is no way you can possibly understand.

This is so very far from appropriate. The size of someone's family is only their business. To compare being an only child with being abused is completely over the top, and is insulting to your parents and the many parents here on this forum who have made the decision to only have one child, or were unable to have more than one child.
Utah

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Re: They need to have a sibling
« Reply #74 on: May 04, 2013, 11:56:57 AM »

Parents don't owe their children a sibling. They owe their kids a good upbringing, but a sibling does not have to be a part of that. Some people can only have one child. Some can't afford a second child. Some might only feel like they can give one child a good life, and bringing a second child into their lives would create a burden on the family.

I know several only children who are perfectly happy with their status as such. A few of them are actually happy to have been only children, because they have seen a lot of bad relationships between siblings.


I agree with this!  Siblings are not required for parents to give their kid(s) a good upbringing; although many people do say that they're glad to have siblings and feel that having siblings enhanced their lives.

I'm an only child, and perfectly happy to be an only child.  I'm naturally very private and introverted, so I think being an only child was probably the happiest way for me to grow up.