Author Topic: How to remind the family that I did not want pictures of our child on facebook?  (Read 11634 times)

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Syrse

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Me and DH have a beautiful baby girl. When she was born, I politely told the family while they were taking pictures, to not post them on facebook. But over time, they seem to have forgotten this  ::) My mom already posted one picture, and now my sister in law posted a picture of her in a new outfit they bought for her.

I would love to just notify my sister in law, politely, to not post any more pictures. But my DH is very much against it, and has literally said 'if you do that, you'll be back to not being allow to enter the house'. (yes, my family in law does not like me. We were not welcome from the moment I said I was pregnant at 5 weeks, until they showed up when she was 3 weeks old without a warning, and everything seemed ok again just like that. It's been puzzling.)
Personally, I don't see why I should walk on eggshells because of this. I'm not being rude or anything, but I really do not want any pictures on facebook that we do not have control over. She can leave this one up, but I want to avoid it becoming a habit.

Am I overreacting?

Redsoil

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Can you send them a quick email?  Maybe something like:  "I know little Syrse is seriously cute, and it's hard to resist wanting everyone to share in that.  However the way Facebook operates, we really are not comfortable with pictures of her being posted online.  Thanks you for understanding that - it is appreciated.
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ClaireC79

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I wonder if they thought the 'no facebook pictures' actually meant 'we want to put the first photo of our child on facebook' rather than 'no pictures on facebook ever' - especially if you do post some photos of her on there (which as you said you don't want ones you have no control over on there makes me think is possible') - not that you not wanting ones up of her is wrong just you may need to clarify what you actual meant with them

mechtilde

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Is it possible for you to speak to you mother and get your DH to speak to his sister?
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Shortylicious

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I think your first conversation should be with your husband. If he doesn't support you in this, then what happens when his family breaks other rules you've set about your child? This is a great opportunity for you both to get on the same page and show a unified front to his family. This is a rule you've set about your own child. If you don't stand up for her then who will? That should come first over being allowed in his sister's home! Be polite and firm and be sure to follow through on this with all family members. Good luck.

Nemesis

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I think your first conversation should be with your husband. If he doesn't support you in this, then what happens when his family breaks other rules you've set about your child? This is a great opportunity for you both to get on the same page and show a unified front to his family. This is a rule you've set about your own child. If you don't stand up for her then who will? That should come first over being allowed in his sister's home! Be polite and firm and be sure to follow through on this with all family members. Good luck.

I agree with this. Does your husband support the "No pictures on Facebook" preference? This should be your immediate concern.

Next, once the photos are taken, they belong to the photographer. Although it is nice if everyone refrains from posting her pictures on Facebook, it is not rude of them to do so. What about pictures that they take with the baby? Are those not allowed as well? The thing is, if you really don't want her pictures to go online, then you should not allow anyone to take her pictures. I don't think you have rights over those pictures after you consent for them to be taken.

Sharnita

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I agree that if you don't have the backing of your husband it is pointless to say anything.

SPuck

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I think you have two separate situations. The photo situation where you should probably do some research on what is what in your area, and your family relations where you she see exactly where husband stands before moving forward with his sister.

sam

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Facebook will remove any photo's of someone under 13 years of age that a parent requests be removed. Regardless of who put them up. We did this with DH's mother.

Are you going to be stopped from going to your sil house everytime you ask them to follow your requests for your own child ?

Syrse

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OP here,

to clarify, it is MIL's house that my DH thinks will close its doors on me.
I agree that DH and I need to be on one page on this. He has suggested to talk to his sister the next time we see her, as he thinks a mail will not go over well. Personally I am still worried about what this means in regards of them trampling all over our rules. And yes, it was made clear that it wasn't just waiting until we posted pictures, but also after.

Sam, thanks for reminding me that facebook will indeed remove such pictures, I will keep it in mind.

Nemesis, while taken pictures do indeed belong to the photographer, the persons in it retain the right to deny the photographer use of those pictures, it's part of the privacy law. So neither party can use it without the others consent.
And I don't mind there being pictures, just not on the internet.

Deetee

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As with so many of these threads I fail to see the threat. If your MIL does not respect your parenting decisions and you let her know she will ban you from the house
 Um good?
(And yes you have a husband problem if he also thinks that his family's preference for photo posting overrides yours)

sam

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Your welcome  :)

I refuse to allow photo's of my underage kids on face book.  Regardless of who wants to put them on.  When my DH's mother put them up I ed my dh how they could be uploaded onto to our laptop even though we didn't even have her as a friend.   He then sent her a message explaining that we don't have the kids photo's on the net and have asked for them to be removed.  Also politely told her not to put any more up.


I am sorry but if people can't respect your rules for your won child they should be more concerned about not being allowed to your house and limited visits with child rather than trying to bully you by not allowing you in their home.

magician5

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But my DH is very much against it, and has literally said 'if you do that, you'll be back to not being allow to enter the house'. (yes, my family in law does not like me...

This request should come from your husband, else his family will consider it something coming just from you.
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

Venus193

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Your welcome  :)

I refuse to allow photo's of my underage kids on face book.  Regardless of who wants to put them on.  When my DH's mother put them up I ed my dh how they could be uploaded onto to our laptop even though we didn't even have her as a friend.   He then sent her a message explaining that we don't have the kids photo's on the net and have asked for them to be removed.  Also politely told her not to put any more up.


I am sorry but if people can't respect your rules for your won child they should be more concerned about not being allowed to your house and limited visits with child rather than trying to bully you by not allowing you in their home.

You are absolutely within your rights here. 

Waiting until you see your SIL depends -- on my opinion -- on how long it will be before you see her.  This should be addressed ASAP.  You need to make sure she doesn't cross the line again.

Sharnita

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Would they be able to get any more phots to put up before you see them again to discuss it? (I agree that it should come from DH)  Also, while ther nuclear option might be that you aren't allowed in MIL's house, your nuclear option is to restict access to the child they obviously do like because they aren't following safety rules you have established.