Author Topic: How to remind the family that I did not want pictures of our child on facebook?  (Read 11542 times)

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gramma dishes

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I am sorry but if people can't respect your rules for your won child they should be more concerned about not being allowed to your house and limited visits with child rather than trying to bully you by not allowing you in their home.

This.  Your husband really needs to develop a spine and keep in mind that his wife and child are now his primary responsibilities, not his birth family.   If they at one time already didn't "allow" you in their house, neither you nor he should be in the least concerned about whether or not they'll be angry enough to do that again.  At least if they don't allow you in their house and you don't allow them in yours, there will be no opportunity for them to take more pictures.

I agree with others that your husband should be the one to talk to his family, but he should definitely be siding with you.  He's allowing his family to control you (and HIM!).

WillyNilly

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Can I ask - where does it stop? Can they post the pictures on Flickr?  What about Shutterfly or Vistaprint?
If she goes to the playground and ends up in the background of someone elses kid's photo, what then? Or if she goes to a party and is in group shots, can the host parent post photos of the party?  How about once she starts school?  Can other parents post the class picture or pictures from field trips that might have your daughter in them?

The reality is, if you don't want your kid's photo on the internet, you pretty much need to try to stop your kid's photo from being taken. Because hard copies of pictures are pretty rare these days; its all about the digital image.

gramma dishes

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If she goes to the playground and ends up in the background of someone elses kid's photo, what then? Or if she goes to a party and is in group shots, can the host parent post photos of the party?  How about once she starts school?  Can other parents post the class picture or pictures from field trips that might have your daughter in them?   ...



In these instances it is very unlikely that the specific child would be identified by name (although obviously it isn't impossible).  So in all likelihood people who didn't already know who she was wouldn't know from the picture.

sam

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Can I ask - where does it stop? Can they post the pictures on Flickr?  What about Shutterfly or Vistaprint?
If she goes to the playground and ends up in the background of someone elses kid's photo, what then? Or if she goes to a party and is in group shots, can the host parent post photos of the party?  How about once she starts school?  Can other parents post the class picture or pictures from field trips that might have your daughter in them?



I can't speak for the op but for me the answer would be no.  We do not allow photo's of our children on the internet full stop.  As far as school is concerned parents/carers are not allowed to take photographs of the children so this would not arise.  As for at the park as far as I am aware it hasn't cropped up.

Carotte

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I fail to see why you should break your own rule just to not cross your SIL or MIL.
If that's how they react when you remind them of something or ask something as easy as 'do not post pictures of my child on the net', then why would you want to be around them?
Let them have their tantrum, they're the one who loses at that game if they ever want to see your daughter.

OP's husband might be wanting to keep things smooth with his birth family but his birth family isn't making things smooth for OP

*inviteseller

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They don't sound like people I would want around me or my child.  Tell them in no uncertain terms they are not allowed to post any pictures of your child on Facebook.  If they cut you off, so be it.  And I would watch allowing them to take pics of your baby.  Sounds over the top, but I feel the same way.  Someone in my family with a very seedy background and seedy friends took a picture of my DD and put it on his page and I made him take it down immediately.  If your husband tries to protect his FOO, just ask him how he feels about his DD's pic being out in cyberspace for anyone to see.

And Willy, at school, we have to sign a paper to allow for any pics of our children taken during the course of school events, but parents are NOT allowed to take pics of kids other than our own at events, altho they put u note in my DD's  kindergarten graduation papers that parents will be videotaping and snapping pics and if there was an issue with that, please let the teacher know.

mmswm

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Next, once the photos are taken, they belong to the photographer. Although it is nice if everyone refrains from posting her pictures on Facebook, it is not rude of them to do so. What about pictures that they take with the baby? Are those not allowed as well? The thing is, if you really don't want her pictures to go online, then you should not allow anyone to take her pictures. I don't think you have rights over those pictures after you consent for them to be taken.

I believe the OP is in the US.  While the photographs themselves might belong to the photographer, individuals do retain the right to the use of their name and image in publication.  With very rare exception (and events of the last week being one of those types of exceptions) individuals can expect that any media outlet (newspapers, books, television, and by extension, social media) would obtain a consent to release from the individuals in the photograph. If the individual is a minor, then the consent must be obtained from the minor's parent/guardian.  Here are some recent examples of photo releases I've signed:

-Every single school year for every child when they've been enrolled in school (I homeschool now).
-An event that took place at the children's hospital when oldest DS was a patient.  My mother and I signed releases for ourselves and all of our children who were present at the event.
-An event at a Shriner's hospital; releases signed for myself and my children.
-Not me, but my parents: They went to an series of events at the state capitol and signed dozens of photo releases for themselves and their still-minor children.
-Registration paperwork for two different fundraising events included photo releases.
-Purchasing tickets for several local events (Food and Wine Festival, Boat Show) indicated that cameras would be present and entrance into the event was implied consent. 

I know several people who have chosen not to allow their children's pictures to be posted on facebook or anywhere else on the web, and I don't find it unreasonable to be expected to respect the rules my friends have laid down for their children.  I have had to crop several pictures I wanted to post because one of those children was in them, and that's perfectly okay.  The nice thing about digital photography is that everybody can be a photo editor, and they don't even have to spend any money!  I just use Paint, and that comes free with any Windows computer.
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Sophia

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If it were me, I'd ask facebook to remove the photos now.
Then have DH bring it up next time you see them. 

Honestly, for people that cut me off during my entire pregnancy, I would not be doing any favors.  If they were injured, I'd try to help, and I'd be polite (Basically, they'd have stranger status)

Venus193

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It is possible to restrict access to folders in one's Photobucket account.  However, I do not consider it unreasonable to demand that any photos taken of one's children be kept off the internet.

If you can't be sure that the photographer will respect that, then don't permit them to take pictures.

To the OP:  I second the motion on getting FB to remove those photos now.

gramma dishes

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I would love to just notify my sister in law, politely, to not post any more pictures. But my DH is very much against it, and has literally said 'if you do that, you'll be back to not being allow to enter the house'.
...

This one sentence really, REALLY bothers me.  If his parents/family are going to treat you the way they did during your pregnancy, why would you even want to go back to their house?  And even more so, why would he?

If my parents or my husband's parents had treated me that way, neither of us would have gone to their house ever again -- at least not until they had apologized profusely and repeatedly and even then I'd be wary.

I just don't understand your husband's position on this.  Can you clarify why he seems more concerned with how they feel than how you feel?

LeveeWoman

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I would love to just notify my sister in law, politely, to not post any more pictures. But my DH is very much against it, and has literally said 'if you do that, you'll be back to not being allow to enter the house'.
...

This one sentence really, REALLY bothers me.  If his parents/family are going to treat you the way they did during your pregnancy, why would you even want to go back to their house?  And even more so, why would he?

If my parents or my husband's parents had treated me that way, neither of us would have gone to their house ever again -- at least not until they had apologized profusely and repeatedly and even then I'd be wary.

I just don't understand your husband's position on this.  Can you clarify why he seems more concerned with how they feel than how you feel?

Yeah, this is not about photographs at all. This is about a profound lack of respect for Syrse from her husband and his family of origin.

NyaChan

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I know the cat's kind of out of the bag on this one, but for the future with others --

I don't want any pictures of me posted online.  I never know who might see them or what might be in them that I didn't notice, and in my life there are reasons why that would be a problem.  When I was a teenager I did let friends take and post pictures of me thinking that they understood the parameters of what I was trying to keep out, but then got quite a shock when a friend who I thought understood more than any of the others posted something that had me scrambling for the phone asking her to take it off her FB page.  Eventually, I learned that in this day and age when nearly every picture is taken for the purpose of online display or social media, it is far better for me to simply not take pictures unless I am absolutely sure I don't mind it being put up.

That's going to be hard to manage with relatives and a baby, but maybe you could be preemptive and take your own pictures and give them hard copies along with a reminder that you don't put pictures of your child up on the internet, but you wanted them to have something of their niece/grandchild.

Syrse

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OP here, and allow me to clarify something here, because my poor DH is coming off bad and that was not the intention  :)

DH doesn't mind there being pictures online, but he respects my view on it. He doesn't mind me telling his sister this, but he would prefer I do it face to face, because it's too easy for an email to be taken the wrong way.

As such, I would feel uncomfortable deleting the two pictures of her currently on facebook. The one my mom posted... DH liked. So it would be sending conflicting signals.

I talked with DH, and we seem to have reached a consensus. As long as it stays with the occasional picture, with absolutely no tagging or mention of her name, we'll leave the ones currently up. But we will re-mention the rules next time we see the offending family members.

TootsNYC

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Here's my vote:

On *your* status update, put: "friends and family--we're all excited about the baby,  but I want to ask you, quite sincerely: Please do not put ANY pictures of our child on Facebook. We're happy to pass along photos to you directly, but please to not put them on the Internet anywhere. Thanks for respecting our wishes on this."

Then it looks to everyone as though YOUR mom and HIS sister have both triggered this. And it's a blanket statement of policy.

Otherwise, yes, I'd vote for calling her up and saying, "It's a cute picture, but we want to ask you to please not put her photo on Facebook, even if she isn't tagged. It's just something we want, and I'm hoping you'll respect our wishes."

dirtyweasel

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OP here, and allow me to clarify something here, because my poor DH is coming off bad and that was not the intention  :)

DH doesn't mind there being pictures online, but he respects my view on it. He doesn't mind me telling his sister this, but he would prefer I do it face to face, because it's too easy for an email to be taken the wrong way.

As such, I would feel uncomfortable deleting the two pictures of her currently on facebook. The one my mom posted... DH liked. So it would be sending conflicting signals.

I talked with DH, and we seem to have reached a consensus. As long as it stays with the occasional picture, with absolutely no tagging or mention of her name, we'll leave the ones currently up. But we will re-mention the rules next time we see the offending family members.

Yeah, I kinda figured that was where your DH was coming from.  I personally don't understand it either, but my advice to you would be to ask in person that way you can clarify what you mean and there is less chance for miscommunication and hard feelings.