Author Topic: Informing my father about my grandma's death  (Read 3260 times)

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AngelicGamer

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2013, 10:44:06 PM »
To answer the why - it's because I've been feeling guilty about not telling him.  Irrationally, I think, mostly because I'd want to know if someone died on his side of the family.  But I don't know if they would break silence and call me or do something else.  I'm not even sure that they would, but that's something for another time.  :)

I have decided, after listening to everyone here with their wise wisdom, to not do anything.  I might say something in the Christmas card - to a PP, no, I don't do a Christmas newsletter, but I might start as a friend of mine did last year and I really liked it - but otherwise, I'm going to leave it. 

Also, I did a Google search and found an online obit.  It's on tributes.com from the social security death index that is open to the public.  So, they could find out that she died by doing a search.  I'm glad I checked that, as I feel a lot better now.

Like I said, irrational.  :)

Oh, and to answer about this:

<snip>
It's also strange about them sending birthday and Christmas cards after telling you they don't want any contact.  I would nave returned the first card with a note:  "You told me you want no contact, so I'm puzzled as to why you sent this.  You never pothered to tell me what I've supposedly done wrong.  If you are ever willing to do that, let me know."

I was so happy in the first place that I didn't question it.  And I've just let it stay open all this time for no good reason, honestly.  I figure that they will either tell me in their own time or die angry at me.  I've washed my hands of any angry emotions of them long ago.  Now I'm just curious.  Plus, they might actually tell me why one of these years as a present for a birthday or Christmas.  Doubtful though.  ;)




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

reflection5

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #16 on: April 21, 2013, 10:54:00 PM »
Quote
as a present for a birthday or Christmas.
Strange present.   :-\
« Last Edit: April 21, 2013, 10:57:09 PM by reflection5 »

AngelicGamer

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #17 on: April 21, 2013, 10:57:09 PM »
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as a present for a birthday or Christmas.
Strange present.

I do agree with you.  On the other hand, I wouldn't put it pass them considering that this entire situation is odd. 




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

magician5

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #18 on: April 21, 2013, 11:10:49 PM »
They asked for no contact. So ... no contact.
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

kudeebee

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2013, 11:21:30 PM »
DF/SMIL have an odd way of maintaining no contact with you by sending birthday and Christmas cards with gift cards.  To me no contact means exactly that, no contact.

I would not feel guilty about not telling him.  It is his ex-mil and sounds like they did not have a good relationship.  If you feel like it, mention it in your next car.  "By the way, just want to let you know Grandma xxx died in March.  Really miss her."

sparksals

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2013, 02:01:47 AM »
Did the email come from your dad or stepmom?  Do you know for sure your father was on board with the cut?

AngelicGamer

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2013, 02:24:39 AM »
Did the email come from your dad or stepmom?  Do you know for sure your father was on board with the cut?

They had a joint email account at the time.  The original email doesn't have a signature on it.  I did send a reply asking what had happened, what I did, stuff like that.  The second email was signed by stepmom. 

Could they both be from her?  Yeah.  But he could have reached out to me at anytime on his own or called when he was on his lunch break at work or on his way home or anytime that it was just him about and not stepmom as well.  Since he hasn't, I have to think that he believes whatever wrongs I did as well and thinks the odd cut direct is the best thing to do.

There's a saying on EHell - I'm not sure who originally said it - that I've taken to heart with this situation and others.  They're either going to get over it and contact me or they're going to die mad.  Could I have done something wrong?  Yep.  But in 2004, I was a bit of a self centered 22 year old.  I still would have preferred "Hey, you're spending too much time on the computer when you're here" or "hey, do x or y, not z" or anything rather than this silence.  Or it could be the fact that around that time, I was still a bit on the edge of suicidal and was explaining to my brother that using "that's so gay" was hurtful and alluding to the fact that I was questioning if I was gay, straight, or bi at the moment. 




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

sparksals

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #22 on: April 22, 2013, 02:31:35 AM »
That is horrible. I'm sorry they did that to you.   

reflection5

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Re: Informing my father about my grandma's death
« Reply #23 on: April 22, 2013, 10:56:55 AM »
OP, you canít get inside their heads and determine why they cut you off and told you they wanted no contact.  Neither can we.  I donít see where you have anything to feel guilty about.  But itís obvious you want contact with them, despite the horrible way theyíve treated you.  So you have two options:  Ask them what you did wrong (they might not answer), or accept things as they are and move on.