I had the steamroller MIL also. And the ex dh would say to me while we were dating, please, just go along for the sake of peace and I would bite my tongue and just acquiesce to whatever flaming hoop we were to jump through. And then she tried to absolutely take over my wedding. I started putting my foot down (for very good reasons) and the war that started in 1992 continues today, even after we broke up and he passed away because she now takes it out on DD. You do NOT want a bridal shower thrown at a family reunion filled with people you either do not know or will not be invited to the wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your future DH doesn't seem to care or leans towards not wanting it, but because he doesn't have it in him to fight with her, he will do whatever she wants to keep the peace. I don't see it as, well the future DH wants it and LadyL is being mean and stopping everyone. So, when LadyL lets her have her way and spends the reunion being uncomfortable, she then starts planning her wedding and guess what? MIL wants to add some more people because they just have to come...and then some more...and well, she has some ideas about how the reception should be. LadyL says no, and Lord says no, but I can't tell mom no and the wedding becomes the MIL show. Then they decide to buy a house and MIL is in every detail, including having a key and coming in when they aren't home. LadyL hates it, Lord hates it but well, can't upset mom. See where this goes? LadyL agreed to marry LordL, not his mom. If she is so hell bent on throwing a shower it should be a separate event at another time with just the people who will be invited to the wedding. LadyL, I would call her and tell her that if she is going to turn this into a shower even though you both have said no, then you will not be in attendance, and stick to it. If Lord wants to go, he goes by himself. He wants you there to be his buffer, but he doesn't want to be yours.