How to stop the escalation? Final implosion #59, updates #90, #151

[Bethalize]

Can anyone recommend any books about these kinds of family dynamics? LordL is very receptive to self help books if they are written well (he prefers ones that are pragmatic and non-religious). He has one about conflict management that he was putting into use these past few weeks  .

"The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" was recommended here. I'm enjoying it. Has a good section on similar problems to those you've been describing.

[JoyinVirginia]

I still am not understanding how the MIL could singlehandedly force a shower. If people don't bring presents, and I see no reason why they would, how would she do this "ambush shower"?  I just really feel like this is being blown out of proportion.  Yes, the MIL is out of line, but I don't think she is evilly trying to come up with ways to ambush LadyL!

Yeah, I'm confused by the ambush shower thing too.

Lord L and Lady L really have no idea what mil sent out in those invitations. She led about mailing invitations, she could lie about what she was asking people to attend. The fact she boldly lured to both of them about mailing invites is something I would consider the most serious beach of trust. Never ever would I trusty this woman to do anything again, and certainly would never give her much information about what you are doing for the rest of your lives.
I have experiences similar that I base my opinions on.

[CuriousParty]

Can anyone recommend any books about these kinds of family dynamics? LordL is very receptive to self help books if they are written well (he prefers ones that are pragmatic and non-religious). He has one about conflict management that he was putting into use these past few weeks  .

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

And her other book, Toxic In Laws.

[LeveeWoman]

Can anyone recommend any books about these kinds of family dynamics? LordL is very receptive to self help books if they are written well (he prefers ones that are pragmatic and non-religious). He has one about conflict management that he was putting into use these past few weeks  .

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

And her other book, Toxic In Laws.

How did I foget that one?

[breny]

Add my POD for Susan Forward's books. Toxic Parents was one of the first books my therapist recommended I read. It was extremely helpful.

That said, for me it has been necessity to have a therapist to review my specific situations/issues and help me develop plans/scripts/boundaries/strategies to deal with toxic parents (and other toxic people).

[Lynda_34]

Mainly posting so I can follow the thread. BUT you do have my sympathy.  Early marriage is difficult for many reasons and in forming a new family unit there are a lot of things that need to be worked out.  Good luck and stand strong or you will both be miserable.