Author Topic: To share or not ... that is the question  (Read 36924 times)

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Cuddlepie

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To share or not ... that is the question
« on: April 21, 2013, 10:26:37 PM »
I would like everyones' honest feedback please.  Would you be OK with a lodger (not a friend or relative) using your personal hand-crotched blanket while they watch TV?

BG:  As I have been working less due to health issues, I have taken in a female lodger (furnished room with utilities included but not food etc) to help cover the bills.  Overall she is a good lodger although there are a few things that annoy me and I feel these annoyances are colouring my view regarding the blanket.  Over the last couple of months I have learnt that given an inch she will take a mile ...  eg:  asked if she could have a headache tablet, then a week later when I went to take one there were none left, which meant she had later helped herself to further tablets.

I feel that this blanket is 'mine' and not included with the rent.  Am I being ridiculous or not?

NyaChan

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2013, 10:35:30 PM »
Is this really a lodger or a roommate?  Just wondering how you would characterize the relationship in terms of your interaction and how the common areas are split up.

If I was rooming with someone I didn't know at all and had purely a business relationship with, I would ask them not to use the blanket and take it back right then and there.  If I were rooming with someone I am friendly with and came home to find them using my blanket which I leave on my couch, I wouldn't mind but might think it odd - especially so if they have their own blanket out but chose not to use it for whatever reason.  If I wanted to use it, I would not hesitate to tell them to return it to me.

As for the pills, i would talk to her about it.  "Lodger, I understood that you would only be using 1 pill to tide you over until you purchased your own.  I see that you have since used the entire bottle.  Please replace the bottle that you used.  In the future, please ask before you borrow or use my things."

snowdragon

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2013, 10:41:04 PM »
I would not wants anyone using my personal blanket. having it be handmade makes it worse. The pill thing would drive me nuts - and since she only had permission for one pill, I would be re-evaulating having her in my home, what else is she taking without permission.

And I agree that when I wanted it she'd have to give it up

kareng57

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2013, 11:03:10 PM »
Is the blanket immediately accessible, such as already being folded onto the couch?  If so, I don't think that she's out-of-line for using it.  If it's in a closet and she's taking it out, she ought to ask permission first.

The pill issue - yes, that's indeed bothersome.  If it were me, I'd start keeping the pills in my own private space.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2013, 11:14:28 PM »
Is the blanket immediately accessible, such as already being folded onto the couch?  If so, I don't think that she's out-of-line for using it.  If it's in a closet and she's taking it out, she ought to ask permission first.

The pill issue - yes, that's indeed bothersome.  If it were me, I'd start keeping the pills in my own private space.

Yep. I think it largely depends on where the blanket was lying.

citadelle

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2013, 11:24:54 PM »
If the blanket was out, such as on the couch or a chair, I would consider it fair game. If you don't want anyone to use it, store it in your personal bedroom when it is not in use.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2013, 12:16:59 AM by citadelle »

delabela

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2013, 11:28:57 PM »
I would assume a blanket folded on a couch or a chair in a common area was available to be used by whoever was using the space.  If I had a blanket I preferred others not use, I would not put it in the common area unless I was actually using it.

I admit that I am pretty unfamiliar with the distinction between a lodger and a roommate - I know there is one from reading these boards, but I have only ever been in roommate situations.  There may be some nuance to that situation I am not taking into account.

Surianne

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2013, 11:32:08 PM »
I would assume a blanket folded on a couch or a chair in a common area was available to be used by whoever was using the space.  If I had a blanket I preferred others not use, I would not put it in the common area unless I was actually using it.

I agree.  If she's welcome to use the couch and television, I wouldn't have thought a blanket on the couch would be any different. 

NyaChan

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2013, 11:44:12 PM »
I would assume a blanket folded on a couch or a chair in a common area was available to be used by whoever was using the space.  If I had a blanket I preferred others not use, I would not put it in the common area unless I was actually using it.

I agree.  If she's welcome to use the couch and television, I wouldn't have thought a blanket on the couch would be any different.

That's why i am curious as to the agreement re: common areas.  My last apartment which I shared, my roommate and I each purchased a couch and had a blanket we left on our respective couch.  It didn't mean I couldn't sit on hers, or she mine, but the blankets we kept to ourselves, there being no reason to share.

Cuddlepie

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2013, 12:07:36 AM »
Thank you for the replies and your perspectives.

To clarify:  This is my home.  Everything is in my name and I own the furniture, kitchen equipment, well.... everything in the unit.  Lodger pays to use her room and en-suite bathroom but shares the kitchen and living area with me and my son.  She owns nothing that we share. According to local law, I can make the rules for the house and a lodger virtually has little rights. Lodgers can be asked to move out without notice, not that I would do that).  So as Nyachan said, it is a business relationship, friendly but nonetheless a business relationship.  The pill issue had been handled tactfully (thanks e-hell :) ) when I discovered that they were all gone!

So, 'my' blanket:  It is folded and left over the arm on the sofa.  When I saw my lodger using it I was perturbed as she had it tucked around her feet and way up around her face.  I don't know why I feel like this, but it is like she is being too personal with it .... sorry, can't explain my rationale any better. 

Now, after reading the replies so far, am I acting in a PA way by moving the blanket and only bringing it to the living room while I'm wanting to watch TV, so she doesn't have access to it.  Part of me says it's OK not to share BUT another part is saying don't be petty :(

Any further advice guys? 

citadelle

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2013, 12:20:27 AM »
Thank you for the replies and your perspectives.

To clarify:  This is my home.  Everything is in my name and I own the furniture, kitchen equipment, well.... everything in the unit.  Lodger pays to use her room and en-suite bathroom but shares the kitchen and living area with me and my son.  She owns nothing that we share. According to local law, I can make the rules for the house and a lodger virtually has little rights. Lodgers can be asked to move out without notice, not that I would do that).  So as Nyachan said, it is a business relationship, friendly but nonetheless a business relationship.  The pill issue had been handled tactfully (thanks e-hell :) ) when I discovered that they were all gone!

So, 'my' blanket:  It is folded and left over the arm on the sofa.  When I saw my lodger using it I was perturbed as she had it tucked around her feet and way up around her face.  I don't know why I feel like this, but it is like she is being too personal with it .... sorry, can't explain my rationale any better. 

Now, after reading the replies so far, am I acting in a PA way by moving the blanket and only bringing it to the living room while I'm wanting to watch TV, so she doesn't have access to it.  Part of me says it's OK not to share BUT another part is saying don't be petty :(

Any further advice guys?

Since she is paying rent to live there, it is her home too. Honestly, it sounds a little bit like you resent the situation and wish you did not have a lodger/roommate. If I am wrong, I apologize for my assumption.

Minmom3

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2013, 12:23:29 AM »
Take the blanket you care about back into your own room when you aren't using it, and maybe leave out one you wouldn't mind her using. 
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

katycoo

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2013, 12:27:18 AM »
I would assume it if was in the common areas and not an obviously personal item (ie toiletries or clothing) that it would be ok for me to use.

If you want to keep that particular blanket for youself, i would consider keeping one out for her to use, and telling her that you prefer that one, so you've brought her one out to use.

You're in a difficult situation.  As a lodger, you need to decide what is reasonable for her to use without asking, and what isn't, and maybe give her some guidelines.  I wouldn't have anticipated a problem if I was her.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2013, 12:41:02 AM by katycoo »

Cuddlepie

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2013, 12:36:31 AM »
Thank you for the replies and your perspectives.

To clarify:  This is my home.  Everything is in my name and I own the furniture, kitchen equipment, well.... everything in the unit.  Lodger pays to use her room and en-suite bathroom but shares the kitchen and living area with me and my son.  She owns nothing that we share. According to local law, I can make the rules for the house and a lodger virtually has little rights. Lodgers can be asked to move out without notice, not that I would do that).  So as Nyachan said, it is a business relationship, friendly but nonetheless a business relationship.  The pill issue had been handled tactfully (thanks e-hell :) ) when I discovered that they were all gone!

So, 'my' blanket:  It is folded and left over the arm on the sofa.  When I saw my lodger using it I was perturbed as she had it tucked around her feet and way up around her face.  I don't know why I feel like this, but it is like she is being too personal with it .... sorry, can't explain my rationale any better. 

Now, after reading the replies so far, am I acting in a PA way by moving the blanket and only bringing it to the living room while I'm wanting to watch TV, so she doesn't have access to it.  Part of me says it's OK not to share BUT another part is saying don't be petty :(

Any further advice guys?

Since she is paying rent to live there, it is her home too. Honestly, it sounds a little bit like you resent the situation and wish you did not have a lodger/roommate. If I am wrong, I apologize for my assumption.

Citadelle, you are right.  I do have some resentment hence me asking for e-hellions opinions.  Sometimes, RL friends just want to support and not say what you really need to hear to live with a near-stranger amicably.  Perhaps I should have typed that it is my house rather than my home as it is certainly my lodgers home too.  And I do want her to be comfortable living here.

delabela

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Re: To share or not ... that is the question
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2013, 01:00:43 AM »
I can certainly understand not wanting a special item to be used communally, and you don't have to justify that.  I think the graceful thing to do would be to leave a different blanket on the sofa that you don't mind her using, and bringing out your blanket when you want to use it.  That would not be PA.

It's a tough thing to live with other people in the best of circumstances, and it sounds like you are both still finding your feet in this situation.