To share or not ... that is the question

[Cuddlepie]

@Veronaz:  With me assuming the worst case scenario (ie: lodger refusing to vacate room), I can find legal advice and therefore be prepared to take whatever action is legal where I live.  The relevant govt agency is not available on a weekend which is when lodger should be moving out.

 

Cuddlepie, I didn't say anything about legal advice.

However, I did ask if you gave her written notice.

(btw, Chinese whispers is considered to be offensive.)

Complete threadjack, but in Australia, it's really not. I've never heard of anyone even suggesting that that term is offensive, and it's widely used here.

OP  here - I have already edited that post and apologised.  Even though it is widely used in Australia, I can see that it is offensive. Maybe CakeEater and I can join forces and lead the rest of Australia in using the alternate name for that particular game.

[perpetua]

@ a few posters:  I never asked Lodger were she was going to next, and I don't really care and to be honest I don't want to know.  Her mail can be re-directed by the post office, a service that you pay for.  And once again, I will presume here  , Lodger will not want to pay for that and will expect me to forward her mail onto her.  Yes, I will do it, BUT, I will not suggest or offer to forward mail, Lodger can remember to ask me, before she goes.

OP, even now she's moving out, you're still acting like this girl's mother.

Either forward her mail or don't. But don't play the 'ask nicely, now' game with someone you allegedly have a business relationship with. Even if it's only one you're playing in your own head.

I really think that you need to look at this dynamic before you take in another lodger because I think it's a big part of the problem you find yourself in with this one.

[DottyG]

I agree with Perpetua on that.

[Cuddlepie]

@ a few posters:  I never asked Lodger were she was going to next, and I don't really care and to be honest I don't want to know.  Her mail can be re-directed by the post office, a service that you pay for.  And once again, I will presume here  , Lodger will not want to pay for that and will expect me to forward her mail onto her.  Yes, I will do it, BUT, I will not suggest or offer to forward mail, Lodger can remember to ask me, before she goes.

OP, even now she's moving out, you're still acting like this girl's mother.

Either forward her mail or don't. But don't play the 'ask nicely, now' game with someone you allegedly have a business relationship with. Even if it's only one you're playing in your own head.

I really think that you need to look at this dynamic before you take in another lodger because I think it's a big part of the problem you find yourself in with this one.

I find this reply quite hurtful.  Until a PP mentioned the mail I had not even considered it, not on my radar at all.  If I am acting like her mother, than I would consider myself a very poor one - I do not do anything for Lodger, I don't give my opinions or advice to her, I keep my mouth closed because she is NOT one of my children. Heck, there was no nagging about the dishes in the drainer, I asked her once to move them and that was it.   I care as much about her as I care about anyone I barely know, that is I don't want harm to come to them, I act respectfully and kindly and I will do the odd favour, if it suits me.

It is very hurtful and confusing as I truly know that  I am not treating her like a daughter, so I asking everyone to knock it off.

[perpetua]

Cuddlepie, I'm sorry you found that hurtful, that was not my intention at all and if it came off that way I apologise. I'm just trying to offer another way of looking at not how you're actually treating her, but how you're *thinking* about your interactions with this lodger - at least how it's coming across here, because it may be helpful to you with the next one. Certainly may reduce your stress level about it.

[saki]

Realise this is a tangent but, for what it's worth, "Chinese whispers" is commonly used in the UK as well.  I'm not sure I even understand what's meant to be offensive about it and I've certainly never ever heard anyone suggest that it was offensive.

[Redsoil]

Re. "Chinese Whispers" - I'd never even have thought of it as a slur!  Why on earth would it be considered offensive?  Is it now wrong to attribute the name of a race to anything?  http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/chinese-whispers.html

For what it's worth, I'm the PP who mentioned forwarding the lodger's mail as a kindness.  Hardly "mothering", simply a nice thing to do for someone, and commonly accepted as such in Australia.  I do think the OP is being unfairly treated in this instance. 

Cuddlepie - good luck with it all.

[Yvaine]

Re. "Chinese Whispers" - I'd never even have thought of it as a slur!  Why on earth would it be considered offensive?  Is it now wrong to attribute the name of a race to anything?  http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/chinese-whispers.html

It's considered offensive because it implies that Chinese is incomprehensible gibberish.

OP here: 

Heck, after this strange interaction with Lodger I do not know what to think .... it's definitely a head scratching moment.

Received a notification from our Electricity Supplier advising that power will be out for 5 hours approx next Tuesday.  Left it on kitchen bench for son to read.  I am on computer (e-hell) when Lodger comes to my bedroom to thank me for letting her know about the power outage    She walked away before I could get my wits back and ask her why she was thanking me .... she didn't come across as sarcastic or anything like that.

Maybe she has found another way to mess with my mind .... she has been moving food around on my shelves in the pantry.  And she is succeeding 

She's not messing with your mind--she saw a notice you left out in the general area of the house and is genuinely glad she saw it. I know she's annoying you to the point that every random thing about her is bugging you, but I think she's being genuinely polite here and probably really thought you were leaving the notice out to be nice to her.

[Queen of Clubs]

She's not messing with your mind--she saw a notice you left out in the general area of the house and is genuinely glad she saw it. I know she's annoying you to the point that every random thing about her is bugging you, but I think she's being genuinely polite here and probably really thought you were leaving the notice out to be nice to her.

But Lodger won't even be there on Tuesday.  I suspect that's why Cuddlepie is confused.

[Yvaine]

She's not messing with your mind--she saw a notice you left out in the general area of the house and is genuinely glad she saw it. I know she's annoying you to the point that every random thing about her is bugging you, but I think she's being genuinely polite here and probably really thought you were leaving the notice out to be nice to her.

But Lodger won't even be there on Tuesday.  I suspect that's why Cuddlepie is confused.

Ah, gotcha. I've lost track of the timeline.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

She's not messing with your mind--she saw a notice you left out in the general area of the house and is genuinely glad she saw it. I know she's annoying you to the point that every random thing about her is bugging you, but I think she's being genuinely polite here and probably really thought you were leaving the notice out to be nice to her.

But Lodger won't even be there on Tuesday.  I suspect that's why Cuddlepie is confused.

 I Lodger may have not even noticeds that  it was for next tuesday , she just probably saw the date and thought that  it might have applied to her

[Queen of Clubs]

She's not messing with your mind--she saw a notice you left out in the general area of the house and is genuinely glad she saw it. I know she's annoying you to the point that every random thing about her is bugging you, but I think she's being genuinely polite here and probably really thought you were leaving the notice out to be nice to her.

But Lodger won't even be there on Tuesday.  I suspect that's why Cuddlepie is confused.

 I Lodger may have not even noticeds that  it was for next tuesday , she just probably saw the date and thought that  it might have applied to her

That's entirely possible, but I can understand why Cuddlepie would be confused over Lodger's thanking her for the information.

[bopper]

If you want the dishes put away right away, that's fine. But to me, a dish dryer is there to leave dishes to dry. And that's held true even after I lived in a house with 13 people (5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1 kitchen, and 4 families). Even there, with 2-3 families making dinner we would leave dishes in the drainer.

But did you ever put the dishes away later or just leave them in the drainer?

[rashea]

If you want the dishes put away right away, that's fine. But to me, a dish dryer is there to leave dishes to dry. And that's held true even after I lived in a house with 13 people (5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1 kitchen, and 4 families). Even there, with 2-3 families making dinner we would leave dishes in the drainer.

But did you ever put the dishes away later or just leave them in the drainer?

Generally, they would get put away once or twice a day. Someone would empty and load the dishwasher, someone would put away the dishes in the drainer. We all pitched in. if I was cooking, I tended to come back through that evening when I made tea and put things away then.

Maybe that's part of it. It seems a bit like the OP wants to have a lodger, but not a roommate. And that's fine, but then she needs to be careful about whether the lodger actually has use of common areas or just passing use. To me, if I had use of a kitchen, I would leave dishes in the drainer for at least a few hours (so I didn't have to dry).

[Yvaine]

She's not messing with your mind--she saw a notice you left out in the general area of the house and is genuinely glad she saw it. I know she's annoying you to the point that every random thing about her is bugging you, but I think she's being genuinely polite here and probably really thought you were leaving the notice out to be nice to her.

But Lodger won't even be there on Tuesday.  I suspect that's why Cuddlepie is confused.

 I Lodger may have not even noticeds that  it was for next tuesday , she just probably saw the date and thought that  it might have applied to her

You're probably right. It's Tuesday right now, and she's probably confused now because the power is still on.