Author Topic: Wedding begging invitation Update #29  (Read 7447 times)

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Redneck Gravy

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Wedding begging invitation Update #29
« on: April 23, 2013, 10:06:47 AM »
This may need to be moved to another topic...

I come from a large family - brothers & sisters, steps & halves, lots of remarriages.  I get invited to everything (weddings, baby showers, graduations & birthdays, etc) so I see lots of invitations of all kinds.  Also I worked for a printing company for over 20 years that printed tons of invites, I've seen everything acceptable and what we on eHell would consider unacceptable.

Yesterday I received a wedding invitation from a niece wording as follows:

Miss Jane Doe and
Mr John Smith
invite you attend their wedding
on x day, at x place, etc. 

Instead of traditional wedding gifts
Jane and John request monetary gifts or gift cards


A pre-addressed envelope was included.  There was no rsvp card so I assumed it was for me to mail my donation back.

Oh my, is this going to be the new and acceptable trend?

« Last Edit: July 08, 2013, 05:41:57 PM by Redneck Gravy »

Thipu1

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2013, 10:48:07 AM »
Good grief, no!  This isn't acceptable at all.

To my mind, the lack of a response card and the presence of an envelope to return your 'gift' was a solicitation for money.  It sounds very much like an 'invitation' to attend a banquet for politician X who is running for Y position.  Evil Thipu would put a small note in the envelope sending our regrets. 

Hmmmmm

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2013, 11:18:04 AM »
Good grief, no!  This isn't acceptable at all.

To my mind, the lack of a response card and the presence of an envelope to return your 'gift' was a solicitation for money.  It sounds very much like an 'invitation' to attend a banquet for politician X who is running for Y position.  Evil Thipu would put a small note in the envelope sending our regrets.

While I agree the inclusion of an envelope definately implied a solicitation of money, please remember that an RSVP card is not required for any wedding invitation and is not an indication on the couples desire to have you attend or not.

Twik

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2013, 11:23:20 AM »
No, but a self-addressed envelope with no enclosure at all looks pretty much like the anticipated receptacle for monetary largesse.
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stitchygreyanonymouse

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2013, 11:27:27 AM »
Would it be terribly passive agressive to "assume" that the HC included the self-addressed envelope as a compromise between one etiquette-maven insisting that they must absolutely include a response card and SAE, and another insisting that they absolutely must show that they understand that their guests know how to properly RSVP using their own stationary? So, by trying to accommodate both, the HC made an even larger gaffe?

You could send your RSVP in the SAE, written on your own paper, with that assumption. And ignore the blatant gimme pig request. Maybe they’ll get enough backlash from others willing to point out their rudeness.


xanne

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2013, 11:32:19 AM »
Could it be possible that you just didn't get the enclosure?  I would call and ask.  Don't they need to know how many people will be attending for the reception, that is a perfectly legitimate question.

bah12

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2013, 11:39:45 AM »
First, just because one couple does it, doesn't mean that it's a new "trend".  (I get this was likely a tongue in cheek comment, but it is a pet peeve of mine when people make generalizations on society based on what one (or even just a few) people do.)

As for the envelope with no RSVP, I do see how that comes across as a soliciation and I think you're fine to be put off by it.  I would be.  That said, do you know for sure that is what it is?  It may be a faux pas for sure, in that the intent of the envelope and what guests are supposed to do with it aren't clear, but is your neice someone who is generally tacky?  Has she proven to be a gimme-pig in other ways? These things hardly just show up for the first time at a wedding invitation and I'd be hesitant to assign that kind of rudeness to someone based off of one envelope (especially where the intent isn't clear).

As for requesting money/gift cards in lieu of gifts, I can see where this could be an issue.  I've always been taught that registry info on an invitation is a "no-no".  Yet, recently I've heard that it is now acceptable.  So I don't know.  I've heard of couples forgoing the traditional wedding registry in favor of cash, gift cards, and chairity donations in the past....even asking for contributions to help pay a honeymoon (which I personally don't like).    As for requesting gift cards, I don't really see this as any bigger of an issue than requesting specific gifts, as a registry does.  Either way, the couple is still asking for something specific...be in monetary or merchandise...

The issue would then be is it acceptable to say this on an invitation?  And I don't know the answer to that, though I suspect not.  And I would say that is a faux pas. 

ETA:  When DH and I got married, we were also doing some major home renovations.  We already had just about every household item one would need (in most cases double), so we didn't register at all.  We never said anything in the invitation about registries or home improvement, but many people asked us (and my parents) for registry information.  We were honest and said we didn't really need anything that we could register for, just stuff that we were fixing up.  So our needs were like (wood, paint, plumbing fixtures, etc).  We ended up getting a lot of money and gift cards for this at our wedding, which we were very grateful for and we told our guests what project their contribution was helping us finish in the thank you cards. 
« Last Edit: April 23, 2013, 11:54:58 AM by bah12 »

heartmug

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2013, 12:28:23 PM »
Could it be possible that you just didn't get the enclosure?  I would call and ask.  Don't they need to know how many people will be attending for the reception, that is a perfectly legitimate question.

POD.  Call and ask them if they need a head count.  Or if you are not going, just send a card.
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CoryanderX

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2013, 02:33:32 PM »
My vote would be to write your RSVP on your own paper and send it back in the envelope. I don't think that would be passive-aggressive. It seems at least remotely likely that that was their intention, or that the response card was supposed to be included but was somehow left out. (Even though the alternative--that it's for sending money--is probably more likely and more entertainingly awful.)

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2013, 11:22:36 PM »
I would be confused by the empty envelope too. I like this idea:

My vote would be to write your RSVP on your own paper and send it back in the envelope. I don't think that would be passive-aggressive. It seems at least remotely likely that that was their intention, or that the response card was supposed to be included but was somehow left out. (Even though the alternative--that it's for sending money--is probably more likely and more entertainingly awful.)

If the HC have the temerity to contact you, and inform you that the envelope was for money, you can (quite correctly) state you've never encountered such a thing before. (And you don't have to give in to their demands for cash).

*inviteseller

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2013, 11:31:38 PM »
I don't want to call it a trend, but there are enough people on here seeing it here that proves there is really such an animal as a gimme pig.  I also spent years doing invitations and it amazed me what we gently had to talk people out of wanting printed on the invitations and there were some who thought including an enclosure card in the wedding invite with their registry info was acceptable.  Unless somewhere on the invitation there is RSVP info to a website (pet peeve of mine) or a phone number, maybe they forgot your rsvp card.  I would call them and say I got the return envelope but not the response card and see what they say.

jpcher

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2013, 05:52:57 PM »
Could it be possible that you just didn't get the enclosure?  I would call and ask.  Don't they need to know how many people will be attending for the reception, that is a perfectly legitimate question.

I can see how an enclosure could easily be missed during the envelope stuffing.

Maybe call your mother/sister/brother and ask them if they received an RSVP card before calling the HC?

I'd prefer to think of it as a simple mistake before thinking that it was a "mail me money" envelope.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2013, 06:08:40 PM »
Registry info on the invite spoils an invite, regardless of rudeness. We didn't include a response card because if the extra expense and we knew peopl knew how to get back to us anyway. Our address was on the back of the envelope, and a lot of people got back to us through FB anyway,

And we got a few 'Accept' and 'Decline' cards which was nice.

IMHO, registry info with the invite just makes things easier. You don't have to hunt around or ask around for it, which is useful if not all your guests know each other. We registered at Myer (a midrange national department store) as we had a lot of people coming from interstate. And to make it even easier our guests had the option of paying for delivery.

I never had one complaint about the small registry card with our number on it. And people who asked about it I said it was a suggestion.

White Lotus

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2013, 07:10:23 PM »
I think I would immediately jump to the conclusion that the response card was missing and would respond on my own paper, but use their envelope to save the stamp.  I would plan to give whatever I wanted to give, and then, in a few days, would come up with the horrifying notion that I was supposed to have sent money in that envelope.  I would shrug, and move on, and do as I pleased.  The "gimme" factor can be astounding sometimes.

staceym

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Re: Wedding begging invitation
« Reply #14 on: April 25, 2013, 08:15:09 AM »
I think I would immediately jump to the conclusion that the response card was missing and would respond on my own paper, but use their envelope to save the stamp. 

yes, this is my thought - that the response card was left out; but I can see with the wording on the invite and no response card why the OP felt that it was for the "donation."

I would call and ask another family member if the same thing happened to them.  Then I would just write my on response and mail it back.