Author Topic: Rate the Rudeness  (Read 7470 times)

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julianna

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Rate the Rudeness
« on: April 23, 2013, 10:15:06 AM »
My four-year-old son was talking on the phone to his grandmother.  Grandma told him something she wanted him to do (not something to be done immediately, just something she thought he should do in the future).  He said okay.  She spent another five minutes or so expounding on the many reasons why he should do it.  He waited till she stopped talking, then said, "I said okay."

He was rude, and that is not a response I would encourage him to use.  I would like some objective opinions on exactly how rude he was, and how you would respond if your four-year-old grandchild said that to you.

Thank you!

SciFiLeslie

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2013, 10:20:54 AM »
Huh?  I don't think your son was rude at all.  He agreed to do what she wanted...then he waited patiently while she expounded, did not interrupt, and repeated "I said okay."  Maybe I am missing something, like his tone of voice?  But for a 4 year old I think he was fine.


Melle

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2013, 10:22:44 AM »
Huh?  I don't think your son was rude at all.  He agreed to do what she wanted...then he waited patiently while she expounded, did not interrupt, and repeated "I said okay."  Maybe I am missing something, like his tone of voice?  But for a 4 year old I think he was fine.

Placing my POD here. If his tone of voice irked you, that's what should be addressed, not the words he used, which were alright in my opinion.

julianna

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2013, 10:29:38 AM »
Well, his tone of voice was visibly annoyed.  As an adult, I would have made an effort to keep my tone light and pleasant, and said, "Grandma, I've already agreed to do it.  You don't need to keep convincing me."  (Probably some people would consider that rude as well.)  I don't really expect a four-year-old to show that kind of restraint, so I personally don't consider his response totally egregious.  But it was ruder than I would have preferred, and I would like to know if I am just making allowances because he's my child.  (Grandma had what I consider an overreaction, and I'm trying to get objective input.)

Redsoil

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2013, 10:39:22 AM »
Your four-year-old sounds just fine!  He obviously was very patient before being pushed to his limit.  Maybe Grandma will get a clue.  ;)
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TurtleDove

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2013, 10:40:07 AM »
I think you are being far too hard on your son.  Phone conversations can be difficult even for adults, and I think it is great that he did not interrupt her.  I am not saying grandma was "wrong" but there is really no reason to keep talking without taking a break to let a child speak, especially when there are no visual cues and when your son already said he would do it.

sparksals

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2013, 10:44:31 AM »
Grandma is the rude one here.

GratefulMaria

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2013, 10:45:48 AM »
I kind of think Grandma was rude.  Five minutes is a long time to lecture someone on what you think they should be doing.

Teaching your son a more polite response to this sort of behavior is a really positive outcome of the situation.  I'm inclined to think more along the lines of "That kind of voice can hurt people's feelings; let's talk about other ways to say what you needed to tell Grandma" rather than "That was really out of line."

I guess what I'm saying is I think your son was learning as opposed to rude.


Jones

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2013, 10:47:15 AM »
Your son sounds absolutely fine. A four year old who waited for preaching Grandma to finish speaking? Good for him. Maybe Grandma needs a lesson on being succinct from him.

NyaChan

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2013, 10:50:40 AM »
I think you are being far too hard on your son.  Phone conversations can be difficult even for adults, and I think it is great that he did not interrupt her.  I am not saying grandma was "wrong" but there is really no reason to keep talking without taking a break to let a child speak, especially when there are no visual cues and when your son already said he would do it.

I agree with TurtleDove and the others.  Your son is only 4 - my grandma still does this to me at 24 and I have trouble not reacting the way he did, in fact sometimes I can't even wait until she's done lecturing me on something I've already happily agreed to.  While a short reminder that Grandma might repeat things or talk a lot, but we should still be patient with her because we love her wouldn't be out of order, I don't think I would hold this against your son in any significant way.

JenJay

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2013, 11:11:57 AM »
I agree that your son was fine.

A couple of years ago my DD told me that it's annoying when I lecture her. I didn't know what she was talking about because I don't nag or lecture. She explained that whenever she asks for something and I say no I then go on to "lecture" her, and I sometimes do this when I'm asking her to do something, too. Turns out what I thought of as "Let me explain this in depth so you understand where I'm coming from." she found patronizing. It was a good chat and now I try not to over-explain and she tries to give me the benefit of doubt that a point is coming when I do.

It sounds like Gran assumed, probably because he's 4, that your DS wouldn't fully understand what she was asking or why. He was letting her know that he did. Maybe it wasn't the most tactful way to express it but hey, he's 4. You could encourage him to say "I understand" next time.

FlyingBaconMouse

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2013, 11:19:51 AM »
I agree that your son was fine.

A couple of years ago my DD told me that it's annoying when I lecture her. I didn't know what she was talking about because I don't nag or lecture. She explained that whenever she asks for something and I say no I then go on to "lecture" her, and I sometimes do this when I'm asking her to do something, too. Turns out what I thought of as "Let me explain this in depth so you understand where I'm coming from." she found patronizing. It was a good chat and now I try not to over-explain and she tries to give me the benefit of doubt that a point is coming when I do.

It sounds like Gran assumed, probably because he's 4, that your DS wouldn't fully understand what she was asking or why. He was letting her know that he did. Maybe it wasn't the most tactful way to express it but hey, he's 4. You could encourage him to say "I understand" next time.

This reminds me of when I was little. My mom's not long-winded, but she'd end every admonition with "Do you understand me?," to the point that it became in my mind the official phrase of getting into trouble.
When I was about 8, she did this and I replied (not intending to be snotty, just frustrated), "Of course I understand! I know all those words!" She never said it again.  :)
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Hmmmmm

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2013, 11:23:27 AM »
I don't think there is enough information.  If Grandma said "Oh, I think you should start playing t-ball." and son replied OK and then GM went on to tell a story about her son playing and how much fun it was and how she hopes he has as much fun and then your son replied impatiently "I said OK" with tone in this voice, then you should just correct that he not only has to listen patiently but also respond in a polite manner.

But if GM said "You need to start playing t ball" and then goes into a long lecture about why t-ball is important and all the benefits he'll get and blablahblah, then I have no problem with your 4 yr old responding that way. I hate being lectured about something I've already agreed to.

learningtofly

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2013, 11:29:13 AM »
I feel like decisions to four year olds are simple.  If they say they'll do it, they'll do it.  The last time my four year old got in trouble at school, we talked at school and she got the point.  We had a good discussion.  However, bringing it up again two minutes later in the car got me a "Mom I know!"  We had already discussed it and to her there was no point in discussing it further.  Overkill annoys little kids.  They assume promises are never broken and so they don't need to be convinced once they've said they'll do something.  Grandma needs to learn how to talk to a kid.  My four year old would have put down the phone two minutes into the lecture.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2013, 11:30:06 AM »
I can understand where your son's coming from as I've been on the receiving end of that kind of thing.  "You ought to do this thing and now that you've agreed, I'm going to go on and on and on to tell you why."  ::) 

I agree with Jenjay, perhaps an "I understand" would be better.  And perhaps make it clear to grandma that she ought to stop at the first "I understand." I've known people who will keep going on.

 
. I hate being lectured about something I've already agreed to.

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