Author Topic: Rate the Rudeness  (Read 8848 times)

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Ms_Cellany

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2013, 11:32:23 AM »
I hate being lectured about something I've already agreed to.

You and me both.

The Sweetie, who is a sales manager, states it as "Stop selling!" 

Another time, she told me, "I said yes, and that's my final answer!"
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TootsNYC

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2013, 11:38:59 AM »
I kind of think Grandma was rude.  Five minutes is a long time to lecture someone on what you think they should be doing.

Especially when they've already agreed to what you've asked.

Quote

Teaching your son a more polite response to this sort of behavior is a really positive outcome of the situation.  I'm inclined to think more along the lines of "That kind of voice can hurt people's feelings; let's talk about other ways to say what you needed to tell Grandma" rather than "That was really out of line."

I guess what I'm saying is I think your son was learning as opposed to rude.

I agree. Great learning opportunity here. And a great time to teach him about tone of voice. And about patience. And to empathize with him, so he doesn't feel all alone in being annoying about being LECTURED when you've already agreed.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2013, 11:57:50 AM »
DH does this all the time.  He'll suggest something, I'll agree to it and then he'll launch into a litany of reason why we should do what I've already agreed to do.  I've started saying "I've agreed with you, you don't need to justify it.".

OP, 4-year-olds don't have the greatest attention spans.  I'm sure he felt like "I'm bored with this subject and I already said yes."  His response would not be unusual for a child that age.  Teaching him to respond with a more polite tone of voice is a good idea.  Although I know a lot of adults who can't do this yet.

Zilla

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #18 on: April 23, 2013, 12:26:11 PM »
I think it's great that your son was smart enough to wonder why his grandma was going on and on when he already said yes.  I would coach your son to maybe say, "But Grandma, I already said I would do it." and in a polite tone.  And you mentioned that Grandma overreacted.  I would tell her myself, "You asked, he said yes, you went on and on about it which puzzled him as he already said yes.  I would have left it alone."

GSNW

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #19 on: April 23, 2013, 02:07:16 PM »
Sweet baby kitties, he's FOUR.  I think he did just fine.  I'm imagining the conversation like this:

Grandma:  I think you should join karate.  Would you be interested?
Kid:  I will do that!
Grandma:  Karate is great for... bla bla (five minutes).  Now, do you want to do it or not?
Kid:  I said I would!

Kids that age are not necessarily going to read into the subtle nuances of conversation.  The issue is very black and white.  She asked, I said yes.  She asked again, I told her I said yes!  This makes sense in the kiddo's mind and Grandma needs to calm down.

*inviteseller

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #20 on: April 23, 2013, 02:15:36 PM »
He said ok, and she kept it up for 5 minutes?  His 4 yr old attention span had it and he responded the best way he could.  I think, actually your mom was rude because she got the right answer when she asked the first time, but them had to keep hammering at him about doing it.  That is pushing boundaries to me.

cicero

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #21 on: April 23, 2013, 03:44:29 PM »
Well, his tone of voice was visibly annoyed.  As an adult, I would have made an effort to keep my tone light and pleasant, and said, "Grandma, I've already agreed to do it.  You don't need to keep convincing me."  (Probably some people would consider that rude as well.)  I don't really expect a four-year-old to show that kind of restraint, so I personally don't consider his response totally egregious.  But it was ruder than I would have preferred, and I would like to know if I am just making allowances because he's my child.  (Grandma had what I consider an overreaction, and I'm trying to get objective input.)
trust your inner voice you consider her reaction to be AN overreaction because it is

Your son sounds like one normal, polite and smart cookie.he waited politely thru a five minutes lecture designed to convince him to do something he already agreed to do.

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MrTango

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #22 on: April 23, 2013, 04:30:24 PM »
Sweet baby kitties, he's FOUR.  I think he did just fine.  I'm imagining the conversation like this:

Grandma:  I think you should join karate.  Would you be interested?
Kid:  I will do that!
Grandma:  Karate is great for... bla bla (five minutes).  Now, do you want to do it or not?
Kid:  I said I would!

Kids that age are not necessarily going to read into the subtle nuances of conversation.  The issue is very black and white.  She asked, I said yes.  She asked again, I told her I said yes!  This makes sense in the kiddo's mind and Grandma needs to calm down.

Even as an adult, I'd have a hard time keeping annoyance out of my voice if I were in the kid's position.  If I've already told you I'll do something and you start explaining why I should be doing it, you're just wasting my time.

(Except, if the reason you give for doing the activity could possibly affect how/when I do it).

For example:

Mom: "Could you please mow the lawn tomorrow?"
Me: "Sure"
Mom: "Thanks.  I need you to do it because it's supposed to start raining by the time I get home from work."
Me: "Ahh.  In that case, I'll do it first thing in the morning."

artk2002

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #23 on: April 23, 2013, 04:33:53 PM »
If grandma's response was anything other than regret for haranguing a child who'd already agreed, then she overreacted. I think the young boy did very well given his age. An older child might have been able to cover and deliver the message more gently, but he did better than most 4yos could. Other than telling him "Next time grandma does that, just say 'thanks grandma, I will!' and let it go", there's nothing you should say to him. Grandma, on the other hand, needs a lesson in listening to the people she's talking to. Odds are pretty good that she had a script in her head, where he would say 'no' and she would exercise her grandmotherly powers to convince him. He didn't follow the script, but she didn't notice, until he called her at it at the end. This was all about her and her wonderful idea, not really about him.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #24 on: April 23, 2013, 04:43:19 PM »
Well...I think it would have been okay if he'd just said "Okay" again and left off the "I said" part, but then again, he's only four.  I wouldn't have been offended if a four-year-old had responded to me in that way.  An eight-year-old on the other hand, yeah, I'd probably be a little annoyed.  I remember when I was three or four and talking to my grandfather on the phone, and responding to a repeated question with an annoyed, "Yeah, I already TOLD you!"  My mother apologized to him, gently explained my mistake, and I apologized on my own.  Mostly because I thought I would be punished, but I had meant no offense. 

Maybe she overreacted, but sometimes adults seem to forget that kids don't think the same way, and certain things just don't occur to little minds.

julianna

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2013, 05:53:18 PM »
Thanks for the input, everyone.  My feeling was that it wouldn't really bother me to have a four-year-old say that to me, but it would bother me in an older child, which is why I'm trying to teach him good habits now.  However, I know that not everyone is used to dealing with four-year-olds on a daily basis, so I wondered if I was being a little too lenient. 

The other factor is, MIL had a huge overreaction at the time, which frankly made me pretty angry.  (I would have been fine with her saying something mild, like telling him his tone of voice hurt her feelings.  But she was over-the-top.)  And I just found out that, almost a week later, she is still quite angry.  Which is just bizarre to me -- who holds a grudge over something a four-year-old said?  So I am angry at MIL, and wanted to be sure that I wasn't letting my anger blind me to whether she had a point.


artk2002

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2013, 06:02:19 PM »
Nope. You are right, your MIL is flat-out wrong. Your son was respectful of her beyond his years and she disrespected him. The fact that he gently pointed out her disrespect is hers to deal with.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Sharnita

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2013, 06:07:27 PM »
Honestly, keeping him on the line listening to a one way monolouge is too much to ask of a 4 yo no matter what she is talking about. Even if it is candy,.yrains and puppies,5 minutes of listening to her ramble would be too much. The fact that she was lecturing makes it even worse.

Bluenomi

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2013, 08:03:56 PM »
If MIL acts like that every time she talks to him, she's going to find he's not going to want to talk to her. He's 4, a solid 5 minute lecture about something he's already agreed to is a bit over the top. It would annoy most adults, let alone a 4 year old

Tia

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Re: Rate the Rudeness
« Reply #29 on: April 24, 2013, 08:14:20 PM »
Ooooooh what a little trooper! The real question then is how to handle the mil, I'm sure her over the top reaction isn't limited to just this event, though I hope it is.