Author Topic: (More) Child Birthday Party Etiquette  (Read 5270 times)

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blarg314

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Re: (More) Child Birthday Party Etiquette
« Reply #30 on: April 24, 2013, 09:39:09 PM »
I dunno. I don't have kids and I'm not especially good with them, so maybe I'm missing something here, but I think I would kind of look at those little girls like,  ???. I would wonder if they were already drama queens or used to getting whatever they wanted just by carrying on.

If they were 15 I'd say drama queens. If they were 12 year old girls, I'd say that there was probably complex machinations going on behind the scenes to exclude certain girls and make sure they knew they were excluded - so drama, but not necessarily coming from the uninvited girl.

But for 3 or 4 year olds? That I'd consider totally normal for their development stage.

Even for adults, being the only one of a group of people not invited to a fun thing you'd like to be invited to, and listening to everyone else chatter about how much fun it's going to be (or was) can be hurtful. But by the time you're an adult, you've learned to suppress your reaction, and rationalize ("I didn't really want to go anyways/they're a bunch of losers/I didn't like them in the first place"). 

For a four year old,  kids that age tend to be really, really honest about their emotions and not at all good at hiding them. That makes things like tact, social white lies and pretending to like someone for external social reasons incredibly difficult to explain. They can be starting to learn it, but they won't have gotten really far at this point.

LadyR

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Re: (More) Child Birthday Party Etiquette
« Reply #31 on: April 25, 2013, 12:06:04 AM »
Maybe its because I grew up in a small school but we invited the entire class until I got to a certain age and started having slumber parties or activity parties when I was allowed to invite 3 girls (the number that would fit in my parents car to go to said activity from the smalltown we lived in). My class was only ever about 12-15 kids though. We also invited neighbors, my cousins, and the children of my parents' friends. There was also 20 or so kids (and these were house parties). Not all my classmates came, my birthday was in the middle of summer vacation, but my parents sent invites just the same. Again, it was a small town, so my parents were acquainted with all the kids and where they lived and we drove to the houses to drop off invitations. In turn, I was invited to all their birthday parties. It was the way things were done until we were about 12-13.



kareng57

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Re: (More) Child Birthday Party Etiquette
« Reply #32 on: April 25, 2013, 12:16:39 AM »
When my DD was little and in a close-knit daycare, lots of parents invited all the kids.

But we couldn't afford that, bcs we wanted an at-home party, and we wouldn't have had room for them all. To invite them all, we'd have had to go to a bowling alley or something.

So we invited only one kid more than her age, so 5 out of 25 or 30. They were the kids she played with most often and seemed closest to. It was good training for them all, I think.


That's the guideline we used, as well.  Even for simple at-home parties there's no way that we could have afforded to host 18 kids.  At my kids' public school, it was considered to be acceptable for the parents to discreetly exchange birthday-party-invitations during the pickup-wait time.

Yes, it's possible that kids heard later about birthday parties to which they were not invited.  Honestly, that's life.  Kids aged 4+ are old enough to start learning that they can't be included in every celebration.  I'll agree completely that it can seem pretty unfair to exclude something like 1 or 2 kids out of a class of about 18 - but it can also be very difficult if the one excluded child is the class bully who would make the experience miserable for everyone.