Author Topic: Wedding invitation with confusing wording  (Read 5255 times)

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ettiquit

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Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« on: April 23, 2013, 01:22:46 PM »
My cousin is getting married in June, and I got to meet his fiance over Christmas.  She's great, I'm happy for them, etc.

They're having a destination wedding (about 8 hours away) and we knew that they were only including parents and siblings.  I believe they'll be having a reception sometime later this year, and no one has any issues or hurt feelings over their decision.

Things got confusing when mother and aunt both received an invitation to the wedding last week.  When my mom showed it to me, she indicated that she felt the bride and groom would be paying for her accommodations.  I felt that what was printed on the invite was a bit too ambiguous to make that assumption.  The wording was:

"We have chosen our favorite hotel for your stay. When you make your reservation, reference the Bride/Groom wedding."

My mom decided to get clarification from her brother (groom's dad) and he confirmed that accommodations were not being paid for by the bride and groom and that the invite itself was just a "gesture". 

I'm really glad that I happened to look at the invite before my mom RSVP'd and assumed her hotel was paid for.  She declined the invite because she can't afford it, and...it was just a gesture.

Do you all think the wording on the invite was unclear?  I think their problem was saying "We chose X hotel for your stay", rather than just including a sheet with recommendations.


LeveeWoman

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2013, 01:26:23 PM »
What business is it of the couple at which hotel the guests stay?

Hmmmmm

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2013, 01:29:30 PM »
I thought the wording was clear but maybe because I've never known a wedding where accomodations where paid for. And many times a bride and groom will only block a book of rooms as a special rate at one hotel.

So based on my experiences I understood that by saying I was to make my reservation then I'd be paying for it and since they said reference X wedding, they had arranged a special rate at that hotel only.

The wedding guests are free to choose a different hotel if they would like.

WillyNilly

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2013, 01:31:00 PM »
Hotels usually will give a bulk discount to a block of rooms for marrying couples. I have never heard of any wedding in my 20+ years as an adult not having information about a local hotel and saying to mention the couple's name when booking the room. Its pretty much standard practice.

Usually its worded a bit more clearly ("A block of rooms has been reserved at a discount at LocalHotel, please reference the Miller-Smith wedding when reserving") but its pretty standard for there to be a mention of a hotel, and an indication to cite the event, but the attendee stills pays for their own room.

NyaChan

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2013, 01:33:24 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

cicero

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2013, 01:34:46 PM »
Hotels usually will give a bulk discount to a block of rooms for marrying couples. I have never heard of any wedding in my 20+ years as an adult not having information about a local hotel and saying to mention the couple's name when booking the room. Its pretty much standard practice.

Usually its worded a bit more clearly ("A block of rooms has been reserved at a discount at LocalHotel, please reference the Miller-Smith wedding when reserving") but its pretty standard for there to be a mention of a hotel, and an indication to cite the event, but the attendee stills pays for their own room.
this

but your uncle's remark was extremely unkind. what does that mean - "we really don't want you there, but we have to send you an invite anyway, so here it is."

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Kariachi

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2013, 01:37:48 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?
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turnip

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2013, 01:38:53 PM »
I agree the wording is confusing, but I agree with others - I think guests are being told that they can call 'favorite hotel' and say they are attending B&G's wedding and they will get a special discounted rate.   We did the same for our guests as a courtesy - it didn't _matter_ to us where they stayed, but we got discounted rates at a hotel that was about 50 feet from the ceremony/reception site, and we thought many of our guests would find that the best option.

ettiquit

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2013, 01:40:47 PM »
I thought the wording was clear but maybe because I've never known a wedding where accomodations where paid for. And many times a bride and groom will only block a book of rooms as a special rate at one hotel.

So based on my experiences I understood that by saying I was to make my reservation then I'd be paying for it and since they said reference X wedding, they had arranged a special rate at that hotel only.

The wedding guests are free to choose a different hotel if they would like.

Thinking about it, I don't know that my mom has ever had to travel for a wedding so she really doesn't have experience with this.  I think it's a good point that the wording did say "when you make your reservation" should indicate that the guest is paying - it was the "we chose this place for you" that threw us both off.

GSNW

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2013, 01:40:54 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

Agreed - this is the, "We know you won't show up but you're invited anyway" sort of thing.  This gets people in trouble when some invitees suddenly decide, "Hey, I DO want to show up!"  Don't invite anyone you don't actually want to plan on being there!

I agree that the wording was a little vague.  "We have a block of rooms at X hotel at a discount for your stay.  Please mention that you are with the Smith-Jones wedding party."  When DH and I got married, we picked three hotels in town at the top, middle and bottom of the price ladder and had blocks at all three.

Twik

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2013, 01:41:24 PM »
What business is it of the couple at which hotel the guests stay?
They get a reduced rate themselves if enough people from their party stay there.
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ettiquit

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2013, 01:43:37 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

Yeah, that's my thought too.  I think the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go, but assumed they wouldn't. 

The only other thing I could think of is that it was a gift grab - but the couple has specifically asked for no gifts.


WillyNilly

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2013, 01:48:10 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

Think the "gesture" comment was more about the discount - like they can't pay for the whole room, but as a gesture of good will they negoiated a discount. He was referring to the wording about the hotel included with the invite, not the invite itself.

I'm thinking it went down like this: imagine you're the dad. Your adult kids are planning a wedding, there is excitement but stress too. You aren't involved directly in the planning, the plans keep changing (because, hey they always do), your wife is getting upset because she's not more involved because the bride is doing everything with her mom (as so often happens), and yet you keep getting questions. So your sister calls up and asks if the 'kids' are paying for her hotel room. So you get a bit impatient and think "no of course they aren't paying for your room. They got a discount for guests as a gesture of good will because they know its expensive but they can't pay for everyone. What do you think they (we) are made of money? Who doesn't know they have to pay for their own hotel room?  Its it pretty normal to pay for your own hotel when you travel to a wedding..." and its your sister and so you are bit more casual in how you speak and just blurt out "no you have to pay, its just them offering you a gesture" and you don't clarify what the "gesture" is (the invite, or the hotel block).
« Last Edit: April 23, 2013, 01:50:23 PM by WillyNilly »

LeveeWoman

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2013, 01:52:06 PM »
What business is it of the couple at which hotel the guests stay?
They get a reduced rate themselves if enough people from their party stay there.

I suspected that was the reason.

For some reason, this irritates me. What if a guest can find a more affordable room elsewhere, but feels guilty doing so knowing that the bridal couple won't get the discount? Sure, it's up to the guest to decide, but there still is that (however subtle) pressure to make it cheaper for the bridal couple.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2013, 01:56:01 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

That's done in our family all the time. Great aunt Isabelle hasn't left her retirement home in 15 years but would be hurt we didn't send an invitation. Or Uncle Tim lives in another country and won't be able to attend but would feel slighted if not sent an invitation.

But I agree with another poster that this really should be a gesture of "we really want you there but know you can't come".  It shouldn't be done as a "my mom's making me send the invite and I'm crossing my fingers she right and you won't come."