Author Topic: Wedding invitation with confusing wording  (Read 6064 times)

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Judah

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2013, 01:58:54 PM »
I think the wording is vague but that's not the rude part. The couple really shouldn't have sent invitations to anyone they didn't want to actually come to the wedding. That's kind of hurtful. Better to send announcements after the fact.
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WillyNilly

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2013, 02:00:24 PM »
What business is it of the couple at which hotel the guests stay?
They get a reduced rate themselves if enough people from their party stay there.

I suspected that was the reason.

For some reason, this irritates me. What if a guest can find a more affordable room elsewhere, but feels guilty doing so knowing that the bridal couple won't get the discount? Sure, it's up to the guest to decide, but there still is that (however subtle) pressure to make it cheaper for the bridal couple.

Its possible but not always the case.
When I got married 70% or so of our guests were local but we still reserved a block of hotel rooms at a local hotel for the out of towners. There was nothing in it for us. We did it solely as a convenience to our guests who would be traveling. As I mentioned up-thread I have never heard of a B&G not doing this - in fact I think its pretty ungracious not to as its only a few minutes of effort ad can save OOT guests significant money. (Even some locals stayed so they could drink at the reception without worry of driving home later.)

Did we care if guests stayed at that hotel?  No not at all, like I said there was nothing in it for us. But we hoped they all would - simply because we thought it would make sharing cabs (which we provided) easier for guests. Plus it sort of makes the party continue on for a bit longer. I know at least some of the guests went back to the hotel and drank at the hotel bar after the reception - by all staying in one place, and having just come from the same wedding, even though these people didn't know each other before the event, they had a good time together afterwards.

Judah

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2013, 02:00:57 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

That's done in our family all the time. Great aunt Isabelle hasn't left her retirement home in 15 years but would be hurt we didn't send an invitation. Or Uncle Tim lives in another country and won't be able to attend but would feel slighted if not sent an invitation.

But I agree with another poster that this really should be a gesture of "we really want you there but know you can't come".  It shouldn't be done as a "my mom's making me send the invite and I'm crossing my fingers she right and you won't come."

Hmmm, what you describe is fine and thoughtful even. But this couple sent invitations to people who really aren't invited.
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Hmmmmm

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #18 on: April 23, 2013, 02:02:08 PM »
What business is it of the couple at which hotel the guests stay?
They get a reduced rate themselves if enough people from their party stay there.

That is not always true. A wedding we are attending in May has blocks of rooms reserved at a reduced rate at 3 different hotels.  They picked 3 hotels close to the reception site and are 3 different major chains for people who want to be able to use their points or get points at their peferred chain. They also made sure one of them offers smoking rooms. The rates are also the same as their normal "pay in advance" rates for weekend stays.

No one in the weddng party is staying at any of those 3 hotels. Wedding party all live in town and don't need a hotel and B&G will be staying at an upscale hotel their wedding night.

Sometimes people really do things for the comfort and convenience of their guests.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #19 on: April 23, 2013, 02:04:40 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

That's done in our family all the time. Great aunt Isabelle hasn't left her retirement home in 15 years but would be hurt we didn't send an invitation. Or Uncle Tim lives in another country and won't be able to attend but would feel slighted if not sent an invitation.

But I agree with another poster that this really should be a gesture of "we really want you there but know you can't come".  It shouldn't be done as a "my mom's making me send the invite and I'm crossing my fingers she right and you won't come."

Hmmm, what you describe is fine and thoughtful even. But this couple sent invitations to people who really aren't invited.

I didn't see where the OP said her mother was not wanted. But that financial circumstances would prevent her being able to attend.

OP, if your mom suddenly came into a windfall, do you think the bride would be upset if she attended the wedding with your aunt?

WillyNilly

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #20 on: April 23, 2013, 02:05:17 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

That's done in our family all the time. Great aunt Isabelle hasn't left her retirement home in 15 years but would be hurt we didn't send an invitation. Or Uncle Tim lives in another country and won't be able to attend but would feel slighted if not sent an invitation.

But I agree with another poster that this really should be a gesture of "we really want you there but know you can't come".  It shouldn't be done as a "my mom's making me send the invite and I'm crossing my fingers she right and you won't come."

Hmmm, what you describe is fine and thoughtful even. But this couple sent invitations to people who really aren't invited.

Where are you getting that from?? That's just assigning nastiness to this couple for no reason. The OP mentions in a follow-up post:

...I think the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go, but assumed they wouldn't. 

The only other thing I could think of is that it was a gift grab - but the couple has specifically asked for no gifts.

Judah

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #21 on: April 23, 2013, 02:08:11 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

That's done in our family all the time. Great aunt Isabelle hasn't left her retirement home in 15 years but would be hurt we didn't send an invitation. Or Uncle Tim lives in another country and won't be able to attend but would feel slighted if not sent an invitation.

But I agree with another poster that this really should be a gesture of "we really want you there but know you can't come".  It shouldn't be done as a "my mom's making me send the invite and I'm crossing my fingers she right and you won't come."

Hmmm, what you describe is fine and thoughtful even. But this couple sent invitations to people who really aren't invited.

Where are you getting that from?? That's just assigning nastiness to this couple for no reason. The OP mentions in a follow-up post:

...I think the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go, but assumed they wouldn't. 

The only other thing I could think of is that it was a gift grab - but the couple has specifically asked for no gifts.

I'm not assigning anything. The uncle say the invitation was just a gesture. If the couple truly wanted them there, the invitation wouldn't have been a "gesture", it would have been an "invitation". If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but that's how I read it.
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NyaChan

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #22 on: April 23, 2013, 02:08:46 PM »
"They're having a destination wedding (about 8 hours away) and we knew that they were only including parents and siblings.  I believe they'll be having a reception sometime later this year, and no one has any issues or hurt feelings over their decision."  -- from OP's post

The OP said that the couple had already indicated that only their parents and siblings would be invited.  Hence the surprise when an invitation arrived at an aunt's house.  THen the father of the bride said it was just a "gesture" - I took that to mean that the aunts/cousins had been informed ahead of time that the wedding was small and they wouldn't be included, but this invitation was sent as a "gesture" of something?

GSNW

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #23 on: April 23, 2013, 02:09:43 PM »
Booking a block of rooms isn't necessarily a dictate in a hometown wedding.  It's more of a, "Here, we did this for your convenience, take advantage if you wish." 

At a destination wedding, it's usually a little different.  When brother and SIL got married at a destination resort, people actually weren't allowed on property that weren't guests of the resort, so staying somewhere else would have been a huge hassle in terms of getting a pass to be around for the ceremony/reception.

Bexx27

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #24 on: April 23, 2013, 02:10:09 PM »
I interpreted "it was a gesture" to mean that reserving a block of hotel rooms was a gesture, not that the invitation was a gesture.

The wording is confusing if you aren't familiar with blocking rooms at a discount for wedding guests, but that's such a common practice that it's what I would have assumed it meant. It is a courtesy to guests because they get a discount rate and don't have to worry about finding their own accommodations in an area they may not be familiar with. In my case, we also provided a shuttle bus between the hotel and the wedding venue. We wouldn't have minded if guests stayed elsewhere, but the convenience and the discount were substantial enough that doing so wouldn't have made much sense.
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WillyNilly

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2013, 02:16:58 PM »
I am confused that she was invited as a "gesture" - what is that supposed to mean? Here, have an invitation to a wedding you aren't actually invited to?

I think it's supposed to be, like, "we know you can't come, but here's an invitation so you know we thought of you" sort of thing. Not something I would do, but what do I know?

That's done in our family all the time. Great aunt Isabelle hasn't left her retirement home in 15 years but would be hurt we didn't send an invitation. Or Uncle Tim lives in another country and won't be able to attend but would feel slighted if not sent an invitation.

But I agree with another poster that this really should be a gesture of "we really want you there but know you can't come".  It shouldn't be done as a "my mom's making me send the invite and I'm crossing my fingers she right and you won't come."

Hmmm, what you describe is fine and thoughtful even. But this couple sent invitations to people who really aren't invited.

Where are you getting that from?? That's just assigning nastiness to this couple for no reason. The OP mentions in a follow-up post:

...I think the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go, but assumed they wouldn't. 

The only other thing I could think of is that it was a gift grab - but the couple has specifically asked for no gifts.

I'm not assigning anything. The uncle say the invitation was just a gesture. If the couple truly wanted them there, the invitation wouldn't have been a "gesture", it would have been an "invitation". If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but that's how I read it.

I'm thinking that means a "gesture of good will" not a gesture your not supposed to follow up on. The OP told us the "the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go" so why are you assuming it was a negative gesture? 

My cousin lives 100 miles away and was due with her baby on my wedding day - seriously her due date was exactly my wedding date. I still invited her, as a gesture. A gesture to let her know even though I understood she almost certainly couldn't come, she was still most certainly welcome.

The OP tells us the mother is welcome; she was invited as a gesture of welcome-ness even though the couple knew she almost certainly couldn't come.

Judah

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2013, 02:25:43 PM »
I'm thinking that means a "gesture of good will" not a gesture your not supposed to follow up on. The OP told us the "the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go" so why are you assuming it was a negative gesture? 

My cousin lives 100 miles away and was due with her baby on my wedding day - seriously her due date was exactly my wedding date. I still invited her, as a gesture. A gesture to let her know even though I understood she almost certainly couldn't come, she was still most certainly welcome.

The OP tells us the mother is welcome; she was invited as a gesture of welcome-ness even though the couple knew she almost certainly couldn't come.

Because in the first post the OP says,

They're having a destination wedding (about 8 hours away) and we knew that they were only including parents and siblings. 

I get inviting people you know can't come. We invited some relatives of DH's that we really didn't think would make the trip and were thrilled when they RSVP'd that they'd be coming. But this sounds different to me. When the OP says,

Quote
I think the family would have been happy if my mom and aunt decided to go, but assumed they wouldn't.

It sounds contradictory to the first quote where only parents and siblings are invited.

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Amara

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2013, 02:40:41 PM »
I've only read the first eight responses and will go back and read the rest but I did want to post that I think the couple is encouraging guests to register there and mention their name because if enough of them do the couple will get their hotel room (and maybe more) for free.

Jovismom

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2013, 02:43:50 PM »
I've been to numerous functions that had a "host hotel".  Weddings, reunions, dog shows and agility trials.  I've been doing lots of agility trials this year and the norm in my area is to have a host hotel.  With all of the above functions a block of rooms was reserved by someone.  Sometimes there was a discount negotiated and sometimes there wasn't.  For the weddings and reunion, it was just nice to know where most of the other guests would be staying.  I sometimes stay at the "host hotel" but sometimes, for my own reasons, I choose to stay elsewhere.  It's never been a problem.

The original invitation was clear to me, I'd have expected to pay for my own accommodations.

turnip

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Re: Wedding invitation with confusing wording
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2013, 02:52:23 PM »
I've only read the first eight responses and will go back and read the rest but I did want to post that I think the couple is encouraging guests to register there and mention their name because if enough of them do the couple will get their hotel room (and maybe more) for free.

I have never heard of a hotel having this sort of arrangement.  Not saying it can't happen, just that in my years on wedding planning boards I've never seen anything like it.