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Was this really so weird?

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hobish:
I've been thinking about this for a while & still don't know what to think.

Backstory:
In our apartment complex there is a convenience store that we go to nearly every day, especially on the way in to work. It's privately owned by a father & son. They're really nice. They started ordering sugar free Red Bull just because i asked about it. They started carrying the large cans of the regular Red Bull & went digging around their back fridge to get some for Mr. HGish before they even had it on the shelves. The son described to me in detail exactly how he was proposing to his fiance. Saturdays when i usually walk there in the morning by myself it isn't unusual that i'll be in the store for 20 minutes or more talking football with the son & his brother (dad has off on Saturdays). The son is in his late 20's & the dad i would guess about 50 or so. This may be pertinent, which is the only reason i am saying anything - they are of Middle Eastern descent. I know nothing of their religious stance. The dad has an accent, but the son was raised in the US entirely, so i know he isn't new here or anything.

I paint flower pots. They're good. When i made ones that have been brought into our office for Mr.HGish & one for a friend people i didn't even know were emailing me asking how much i would charge to make them one. I'm not trying to crow, just trying to say i wasn't expecting them to like it because i maaaaaade it!




So ... the morning of xmas eve i brought them a plant i had grown from a cutting in a little 4" pot that i had painted. I'm a little sorry now; it was one of my favorite pots & one of the few i've actually managed to complete lately.
They looked at me like i had 3 heads. I can't even describe the tone of voice the son used when he told his dad,"Look, pop, she brought us a plant." It sounded like he might as well have been saying,"Look, pop, she's brought a live badger into the store."

I thought i was being nice & had no reason to believe i would make them so extremely & so obviously uncomfortable.

I am so embarrassed i haven't been back in there since.

Was doing that really weird? Offensive? ...something?


edited for spelling

Bijou:

--- Quote from: hobgoblinish on January 07, 2007, 04:05:50 AM ---I've been thinking about this for a while & still don't know what to think.

Backstory:
In our apartment complex there is a convenience store that we go to nearly every day, especially on the way in to work. It's privately owned by a father & son. They're really nice. They started ordering sugar free Red Bull just because i asked about it. They started carrying the large cans of the regular Red Bull & went digging around their back fridge to get some for Mr. HGish before they even had it on the shelves. The son described to me in detail exactly how he was proposing to his fiance. Saturdays when i usually walk there in the morning by myself it isn't unusual that i'll be in the store for 20 minutes or more talking football with the son & his brother (dad has off on Saturdays). The son is in his late 20's & the dad i would guess about 50 or so. This may be pertinent, which is the only reason i am saying anything - they are of Middle Eastern descent. I know nothing of their religious stance. The dad has an accent, but the son was raised in the US entirely, so i know he isn't new here or anything.

I paint flower pots. They're good. When i made ones that have been brought into our office for Mr.HGish & one for a friend people i didn't even know were emailing me asking how much i would charge to make them one. I'm not trying to crow, just trying to say i wasn't expecting them to like it because i maaaaaade it!




So ... the morning of xmas eve i brought them a plant i had grown from a cutting in a little 4" pot that i had painted. I'm a little sorry now; it was one of my favorite pots & one of the few i've actually managed to complete lately.
They looked at me like i had 3 heads. I can't even describe the tone of voice the son used when he told his dad,"Look, pop, she brought us a plant." It sounded like he might as well have been saying,"Look, pop, she's brought a live badger into the store."

I thought i was being nice & had no reason to believe i would make them so extremely & so obviously uncomfortable.

I am so embarrassed i haven't been back in there since.

Was doing that really weird? Offensive? ...something?


edited for spelling

--- End quote ---
Was there a thank you or any other interaction, comments or body language that could give you a clue as to what was going through his mind?  How did the dad react?  You're in America, I assume.  They must know that plants are common gifts and household objects here.  It could have been any of the following (or something else)...that you gave them what is essentially a Christmas gift or the type plant you gave or that it was a plant or
or that you gave them a gift at all that bothered them.  Or maybe they expected something extravagant.  Maybe they were just surprised? 
It must have been pretty bad if you haven't gone back.  If they meant no offense they are probably wondering why you haven't been in.  I looked online to see if plants are somehow fobidden gifts in the Middle East but found nothing.

hobish:

--- Quote from: jeaniuskc on January 07, 2007, 04:37:50 AM ---Was there a thank you or any other interaction, comments or body language that could give you a clue as to what was going through his mind?  How did the dad react?  You're in America, I assume.  They must know that plants are common gifts and household objects here.  It could have been any of the following (or something else)...that you gave them what is essentially a Christmas gift or the type plant you gave or that it was a plant or
or that you gave them a gift at all that bothered them.  Or maybe they expected something extravagant.  Maybe they were just surprised? 
It must have been pretty bad if you haven't gone back.  If they meant no offense they are probably wondering why you haven't been in.  I looked online to see if plants are somehow fobidden gifts in the Middle East but found nothing.

--- End quote ---

Hi Jeaniuskc,

Yes, i am in the US. Sorry for not being clear.

There was no thank you, just a very obvious freaked out vibe from facial expression & voice tone. That is partially why i am so confused by the reaction. The dad asked if it was a money plant & wasn't nearly as bugged out as the son. The dad doesn't talk a whole lot in general, so that wasn't overly weird. It wasn't a money plant, just a cutting from something i grew from a cutting to begin with. I'm not sure what it is, to be honest, but i am reasonably sure it doesn't have any sort of overt meaning. I'm positive they meant no offense - they were just very confused & acted really strangely.

Thanks for checking on-line. I didn't think of that.

I've got to figure this out one way or another. I've been going to corporateplaceX instead of theirs, and i would so much rather spend my hard-earned dollars at a friendly privately-owned establishment.

 

taralee:
Well, if they're of Middle Eastern descent, it stands to reason that they're probably not Christian. Is it possible they were confused as to why you were giving them a present at Christmas time, since they are not Christian?

You could have either confused them ("Why in the world is she giving us a Christmas present, we're not Christian?"), or you may have stumbled onto some hidden anti-Christian feelings that they have that you weren't aware of up until this time.

The only other thing I could think of is that it may be "forbidden" in Middle Eastern cultures for married women to give other men gifts (I'm just guessing, I don't know if this is true) -- but you said the son has lived here has all his life, so you'd think he would know what American culture is like.

Personally, I'd visit again, and see how it goes. I probably wouldn't bring up the plant -- if it's still weird and uncomfortable, there's your answer.

MineralDiva:
I don't mean to sound insensitive, but do you know what kind of plant you gave them?  Is it possible you gave them a "Wandering Jew" cutting?  You may not have known it, but perhaps the son did...and considered it somewhat of a "statement" you didn't intend to make at all.

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