Was this really so weird?

[hobish]

I've been thinking about this for a while & still don't know what to think.

Backstory:
In our apartment complex there is a convenience store that we go to nearly every day, especially on the way in to work. It's privately owned by a father & son. They're really nice. They started ordering sugar free Red Bull just because i asked about it. They started carrying the large cans of the regular Red Bull & went digging around their back fridge to get some for Mr. HGish before they even had it on the shelves. The son described to me in detail exactly how he was proposing to his fiance. Saturdays when i usually walk there in the morning by myself it isn't unusual that i'll be in the store for 20 minutes or more talking football with the son & his brother (dad has off on Saturdays). The son is in his late 20's & the dad i would guess about 50 or so. This may be pertinent, which is the only reason i am saying anything - they are of Middle Eastern descent. I know nothing of their religious stance. The dad has an accent, but the son was raised in the US entirely, so i know he isn't new here or anything.

I paint flower pots. They're good. When i made ones that have been brought into our office for Mr.HGish & one for a friend people i didn't even know were emailing me asking how much i would charge to make them one. I'm not trying to crow, just trying to say i wasn't expecting them to like it because i maaaaaade it!




So ... the morning of xmas eve i brought them a plant i had grown from a cutting in a little 4" pot that i had painted. I'm a little sorry now; it was one of my favorite pots & one of the few i've actually managed to complete lately.
They looked at me like i had 3 heads. I can't even describe the tone of voice the son used when he told his dad,"Look, pop, she brought us a plant." It sounded like he might as well have been saying,"Look, pop, she's brought a live badger into the store."

I thought i was being nice & had no reason to believe i would make them so extremely & so obviously uncomfortable.

I am so embarrassed i haven't been back in there since.

Was doing that really weird? Offensive? ...something?


edited for spelling

[Bijou]

I've been thinking about this for a while & still don't know what to think.

Backstory:
In our apartment complex there is a convenience store that we go to nearly every day, especially on the way in to work. It's privately owned by a father & son. They're really nice. They started ordering sugar free Red Bull just because i asked about it. They started carrying the large cans of the regular Red Bull & went digging around their back fridge to get some for Mr. HGish before they even had it on the shelves. The son described to me in detail exactly how he was proposing to his fiance. Saturdays when i usually walk there in the morning by myself it isn't unusual that i'll be in the store for 20 minutes or more talking football with the son & his brother (dad has off on Saturdays). The son is in his late 20's & the dad i would guess about 50 or so. This may be pertinent, which is the only reason i am saying anything - they are of Middle Eastern descent. I know nothing of their religious stance. The dad has an accent, but the son was raised in the US entirely, so i know he isn't new here or anything.

I paint flower pots. They're good. When i made ones that have been brought into our office for Mr.HGish & one for a friend people i didn't even know were emailing me asking how much i would charge to make them one. I'm not trying to crow, just trying to say i wasn't expecting them to like it because i maaaaaade it!




So ... the morning of xmas eve i brought them a plant i had grown from a cutting in a little 4" pot that i had painted. I'm a little sorry now; it was one of my favorite pots & one of the few i've actually managed to complete lately.
They looked at me like i had 3 heads. I can't even describe the tone of voice the son used when he told his dad,"Look, pop, she brought us a plant." It sounded like he might as well have been saying,"Look, pop, she's brought a live badger into the store."

I thought i was being nice & had no reason to believe i would make them so extremely & so obviously uncomfortable.

I am so embarrassed i haven't been back in there since.

Was doing that really weird? Offensive? ...something?


edited for spelling

Was there a thank you or any other interaction, comments or body language that could give you a clue as to what was going through his mind?  How did the dad react?  You're in America, I assume.  They must know that plants are common gifts and household objects here.  It could have been any of the following (or something else)...that you gave them what is essentially a Christmas gift or the type plant you gave or that it was a plant or
or that you gave them a gift at all that bothered them.  Or maybe they expected something extravagant.  Maybe they were just surprised? 
It must have been pretty bad if you haven't gone back.  If they meant no offense they are probably wondering why you haven't been in.  I looked online to see if plants are somehow fobidden gifts in the Middle East but found nothing.

[hobish]

Was there a thank you or any other interaction, comments or body language that could give you a clue as to what was going through his mind?  How did the dad react?  You're in America, I assume.  They must know that plants are common gifts and household objects here.  It could have been any of the following (or something else)...that you gave them what is essentially a Christmas gift or the type plant you gave or that it was a plant or
or that you gave them a gift at all that bothered them.  Or maybe they expected something extravagant.  Maybe they were just surprised? 
It must have been pretty bad if you haven't gone back.  If they meant no offense they are probably wondering why you haven't been in.  I looked online to see if plants are somehow fobidden gifts in the Middle East but found nothing.

Hi Jeaniuskc,

Yes, i am in the US. Sorry for not being clear.

There was no thank you, just a very obvious freaked out vibe from facial expression & voice tone. That is partially why i am so confused by the reaction. The dad asked if it was a money plant & wasn't nearly as bugged out as the son. The dad doesn't talk a whole lot in general, so that wasn't overly weird. It wasn't a money plant, just a cutting from something i grew from a cutting to begin with. I'm not sure what it is, to be honest, but i am reasonably sure it doesn't have any sort of overt meaning. I'm positive they meant no offense - they were just very confused & acted really strangely.

Thanks for checking on-line. I didn't think of that.

I've got to figure this out one way or another. I've been going to corporateplaceX instead of theirs, and i would so much rather spend my hard-earned dollars at a friendly privately-owned establishment.

 

[taralee]

Well, if they're of Middle Eastern descent, it stands to reason that they're probably not Christian. Is it possible they were confused as to why you were giving them a present at Christmas time, since they are not Christian?

You could have either confused them ("Why in the world is she giving us a Christmas present, we're not Christian?"), or you may have stumbled onto some hidden anti-Christian feelings that they have that you weren't aware of up until this time.

The only other thing I could think of is that it may be "forbidden" in Middle Eastern cultures for married women to give other men gifts (I'm just guessing, I don't know if this is true) -- but you said the son has lived here has all his life, so you'd think he would know what American culture is like.

Personally, I'd visit again, and see how it goes. I probably wouldn't bring up the plant -- if it's still weird and uncomfortable, there's your answer.

[MineralDiva]

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but do you know what kind of plant you gave them?  Is it possible you gave them a "Wandering Jew" cutting?  You may not have known it, but perhaps the son did...and considered it somewhat of a "statement" you didn't intend to make at all.

[hobish]

Well, if they're of Middle Eastern descent, it stands to reason that they're probably not Christian. Is it possible they were confused as to why you were giving them a present at Christmas time, since they are not Christian?

You could have either confused them ("Why in the world is she giving us a Christmas present, we're not Christian?"), or you may have stumbled onto some hidden anti-Christian feelings that they have that you weren't aware of up until this time.

You may have something there. Funny thing is, i'm not Christian myself; but they would have no way of knowing that.

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but do you know what kind of plant you gave them?  Is it possible you gave them a "Wandering Jew" cutting?  You may not have known it, but perhaps the son did...and considered it somewhat of a "statement" you didn't intend to make at all.

M'Diva ... oh no. Oh my. He may well have thought so. That's not insensitive, it's a really good question. I just googled 'wandering jew plant' images & although it isn't one it does look very much like one. After looking around some i think the plant i have is a pothos.

[MineralDiva]

Phew!  Crisis averted then.  But perhaps you could bring them a little care sheet for it, that includes the actual name...so they won't think they got something they didn't.  Might help alleviate any further awkwardness...at least for you!

[Twik]

I'm thinking that they may have been alarmed by the thought that you expected some reciprocity. In some cultures (don't know specifically about the Mid East), there are strict rules about gift exchange, so you may have gotten a deer in the headlights, "Oh no, now what am I supposed to give HER? If I don't give her something, she'll be offended." response.

[hobish]

I'm thinking that they may have been alarmed by the thought that you expected some reciprocity. In some cultures (don't know specifically about the Mid East), there are strict rules about gift exchange, so you may have gotten a deer in the headlights, "Oh no, now what am I supposed to give HER? If I don't give her something, she'll be offended." response.

Thanks Twik ... i was wondering that, too. I never expected a random act of niceness would end up getting me so tied up in knots. Especially knowing that they may have very different social customs i REALLY should have tought it through more before giving someone an unexpected gift.

[Peyton Fan]

My initial thought was just that they were not expecting it. It might just have caught them very off guard and not everyone knows how to accept gifts graciously. And unfortunately in today's times not everyone treats those of Middle Eastern descent with kindness and respect. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and go back in as you normally would. I wouldn't draw any more attention to the gift and just act like it was no big deal. If they continue to act strangely then I'd maybe look at other reasons, but if it were me, I'd just assume maybe they were unsure how to accept the gift graciously and leave it at that.

[blue_bunny_paz]

Hmm, I'll ask my middle eastern friends about that tomorrow. It may well be a gift exchange thing.
Could it be something about a plant in a place that sells food? Maybe they were worried about hygiene. I can't say it makes much sense to me.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Hmm, I'll ask my middle eastern friends about that tomorrow. It may well be a gift exchange thing.
Could it be something about a plant in a place that sells food? Maybe they were worried about hygiene. I can't say it makes much sense to me.

blue bunny, please let us know what they say.  I am definitely curious...

OP - I have no insight whatsoever to offer.  I agree with the other posters though - it may be something innocent.  Go back in and chat with them a bit, perhaps all is forgotten?

[Virg]

Maybe I'm going out on a limb with this one, but from your post it seems you're fairly close to them.  Is it out of the question to go there and assuming you can still feel the bad vibe, just ask directly if you've given offense and how?  Not only would it help fix things if it's true, but you could learn something new and get your good rapport with them back in line.

Virg

[LadyDyani]

Maybe I'm going out on a limb with this one, but from your post it seems you're fairly close to them.  Is it out of the question to go there and assuming you can still feel the bad vibe, just ask directly if you've given offense and how?  Not only would it help fix things if it's true, but you could learn something new and get your good rapport with them back in line.

Virg

Agreed.

[duhrich]

Just my thoughts on this..

They have been following good business practices by making sure that a repeat customer is able to purchase what she wants at their establishment. When you came in with a gift, you took what had been a business relationship to a personal level. This is may be why they seemed so uncomfortable. Plus, there are very definite cultural practices regarding gift giving in many Middle-Eastern cultures. I would handle this by going in and apologizing if I made them uncomfortable and then just go back to acting the way you normally do.

Hope this helps.