"who's watching the kids?"

[delabela]

I tell people that we put down paper, food and water, so everything would be fine.

[Hmmmmm]

And then there are the people who question your real babysitter, without knowing them.  I had one person who kept asking"Are you sure they will be safe?"  when my wonderful neighbor ...

My DD went to daycare fulltime at 3 months old--the world's greatest daycare, and onsite at her father's company. She spent every Friday at Grandma's at Grandma's request.

When she was 6 months old, my MIL asked me, in a very concerned tone, "Do you think she knows she's being taken care of by strangers?"

My amused answer was, "They aren't strangers--she's known them half her life! And, she spends more time with them than she does with you. So no, I don't think she considers them strangers. Perhaps you do, but she doesn't, and neither do I."

I too had great daycare. I've always assumed that people who are so negative about daycare have not had exprerience with good ones. At my kid's daycare they had a 8 kids to 2 staff ratio in each room. And they'd usually promote 1/2 the kids to the next age about every 6 months. One of the staff from their old room would also move to the next so the staff had a chance to rotate through different age groups and the little ones were never moved to a new class without a "known" adult with them.

My MIL would have been happy to take care of DD full time but I liked having the separation of roles and loved having trained professionals. Anytime something came up, I had experts who'd seen it all that I could ask their advice and counsel. I cried when after 4 years we had to take DD out to put her in kindergarten.

We didn't do a lot of non-family babysitters when they were babies/toddlers but that was because we had family close who was always trying to get us to drop the kids off with them.

Now thinking back, I think the only time I felt challenge about a sitter was when someone seemed concerned that I was letting a 15 yr old boy babysit my 8 yr old DD and 6 yr old son. I was truly insulted on the boys behalf and ticked that they thought DH and I were so naive. There was no reason my DD should always get the girl babysitter who would play barbies but son never would get a guy babysitter who was happy to do boy stuff.

[TootsNYC]

I liked my daycare as well because I felt like I had parenting coaches. And getting to know all those other kids really helped me be a better mom. And my daughter got tremendous confidence from being with all those different personalities.

They were also much better at teaching the kids how to deal with frustration.

I remember as a kid loving the older-kid babysitters we had, who all seemed to have come to play with us--that's a great experience to provide for your child, the newness and the broadness of one's "social circle."

[GratefulMaria]

My father turned the tables on me with this sort of thing once.  He had then-infant DS1 while I ran a few errands, and when I got home, there was my dad standing over a screaming DS1 trying to change his diaper.  I offered to take over and asked "What did you do?" -- meaning, what have you tried so I could either avoid aggravating him or try something new -- except it sounded waaay more accusatory than that and my father countered with, "I held him upside down by his ankles for a while, what do you think?"

Since I was a SAHM and my parents were five minutes away, most of our sons' time was with family.  When we did go elsewhere, though, our neighbor's middle school son stayed with them (they were early elementary school age by this time).  He was so conscientious, took classes to prepare, oldest of their four, and a lot of fun.  They were playing outside when he noticed some door-to-door solicitors going around in our neighborhood and he called his mother for backup.

[*inviteseller]

I think it is nice when family does childcare, but I agree that it blurs lines and it sometimes gives the family member a little too much power over saying how things should be done.  My neighbor has only had her mom (or myself occasionally) babysit and the kids aren't getting the socialization with other kids that my DD's got in a structured daycare.   We had my ex MIL watch our DD when I went back to work...lasted one week and I switched shifts because she was too overbearing and did not listen to anything we said (my DD didn't poop during her time with her so she felt she had to give her an enema..she was 8 weeks old! Thankfully my niece was there and stopped that!)

[nuit93]

"We're crate training her/him." 

"Oh, we put out some food and water and left the  TV on.  They'll be fine."

[NyaChan]

Wow I didnt realize people said this is as criticism (though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised  )  When I've heard it, it has always been a conversational gambit.  Person sees people they know have kids sans kids and uses it as an icebreaker or in some cases says it in a joking manner. 

[dawbs]

Wow I didnt realize people said this is as criticism (though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised  )  When I've heard it, it has always been a conversational gambit.  Person sees people they know have kids sans kids and uses it as an icebreaker or in some cases says it in a joking manner.

I've said it as lead-up to me trying to poach the baby sitter, uh, see if they want to share their sitter's info with me because I may need one.
 

(But I've also heard it as a criticism.  Generally the implied "how can you go out and enjoy yourself w/o your child now that you're a MOTHER")

[*inviteseller]

When someone says "oh, break from the kids" or "how are the kids?'  it is conversational.  "where are the kids" the minute you walk in a door with a tone is obnoxious.  I have a friend whose parenting skills are vastly different from mine and I have privately raised my eyebrows over some things, but never said anything...she on the other hand has absolutely no issue with telling me how she is a better mom because she did not put her kids into day care and her DD was not in daycare when she was 4...it was a day program at the community center and she feels she is the only one who can watch her kids, no one else can do what she does or understands them like her.  Those are the judgy people we are talking about who are appalled you walked out of your house without the kids strapped to you until they are 18

[whiskeytangofoxtrot]

I tell people that we put down paper, food and water, so everything would be fine.

Dying laughing here, and my coworkers are probably thinking my cheese has finally slipped off the cracker.

This is may favorite line so far, but they are all pure wiseguy gold!

[BeagleMommy]

We left him a box of cereal and a gallon of milk and locked all the doors and windows.

[Judah]

I used to say that we left the dog in charge.

[nrb80]

I think it's just one of those meaningless conversation starters.  It leads to conversations about how nice it is to have grandparents/relatives close by, how wonderful you have such great friends, congratulations on finding a sitter, it's so hard, etc. 

[TootsNYC]

Hmm. It never seemed to in my case. It led to conversations about how well I knew these people, or whether it was appropriate to leave them, or why I didn't get a family member.

And really, the tone of voice was sort of snotty.

As a simple conversation starter, it was really annoying. It was sort of, "Oh, there you are, are you handling your responsibilities properly."

You wanna make conversation? Ask me how my kids are. How my job are. How the transition to parenting is.

I *got* the kinds of questions that were true curiosity from a peer about how I'd handled the babysitting question. You could tell the difference.

[Allyson]

This thread reminds me of an episode of CSI. One of the investigators, Sara, isn't good with kids, and she was dealing with a little kid in the course of a case. One of the other investigators says, "Where is she now?" after Sara gets back, and she answers "Outside, in the car. What? I cracked a window!" The expression on the investigator's face till he realises she's joking is priceless.