Author Topic: "who's watching the kids?"  (Read 9391 times)

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thunderroad

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #30 on: April 25, 2013, 06:40:58 PM »
"I left him home at home in the closet with some shredded newspaper and a bowl of milk.  he'll be fine."

I used that response more than once.  It always made it clear how silly the questions were.   ;D

kherbert05

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #31 on: April 25, 2013, 08:17:41 PM »
We tell people that we left DD with money for pizza.  I mean really, she's four.  How could we leave her with money for pizza?  She can't open the front door  :D
Your lucky at 2yo my niece slept walk out the front door - undoing the dead bolt to open the door.
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kherbert05

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #32 on: April 25, 2013, 08:41:26 PM »
Hmm. It never seemed to in my case. It led to conversations about how well I knew these people, or whether it was appropriate to leave them, or why I didn't get a family member.

And really, the tone of voice was sort of snotty.

As a simple conversation starter, it was really annoying. It was sort of, "Oh, there you are, are you handling your responsibilities properly."

You wanna make conversation? Ask me how my kids are. How my job are. How the transition to parenting is.

I *got* the kinds of questions that were true curiosity from a peer about how I'd handled the babysitting question. You could tell the difference.


I have a friend that was flat out told she was irresponsible for having a non-family member babysit the kids. She shot back that statistically the kids were safer with a stranger off the streets than with family. The kicker was because of trust and abuse issues there was no way her kids would have been left alone with that branch of the family.


2x since I moved back home I've had the a conversation like this


Friend: Introduces me to someone using our full names
Other Person: Blinks makes polite noises
Me: I reply
Other Person: Ok this is going to sound crazy but did you grow up (either in Memorial or on my childhood street)
Me - Yes
Other Person - I babysat you - you are allergic to peanuts


Part of my Dad's job was to eat out pretty much every Friday and Saturday night at one of the restaurants his business sold beer to. He and Mom would go out on a date night on Fridays, and we would go out all together on Saturday.  So they used a LOT of babysitters.
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TootsNYC

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #33 on: April 25, 2013, 10:02:49 PM »
I loved our babysitters. We have great stories about them--like the time we made Cindy French laugh while she was drinking soda.

And I loved BEING a babysitter. They were fun memories.

BeadMom

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #34 on: April 25, 2013, 11:10:34 PM »
Once, while out with my mother, a member of our church asked me where my baby was and who had I left her with. Before I could answer, Mom said, "Melissa left her with the wolves that live in the woods behind her home. They are such a lovey pack!" and smiled the sweetest smile at the woman. The poor lady didn't know what to say and walked off! ;D

Iris

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #35 on: April 25, 2013, 11:53:33 PM »
Although I agree that it's a harmless conversation starter it used to mildly irritate me that it was the FIRST thing DH and I got asked EVERYWHERE we went. DH had his own standard response;

"Oh, we left her in the bath. She was having such fun splashing and we didn't want to spoil it."
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

geekette

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #36 on: April 26, 2013, 12:51:25 AM »
Several people have asked my uncle why he doesn't get me to babysit my cousins (who at 17+ years younger than me), rather than hiring non-related teenagers.  I should add that I'm three states and a 12hour drive away, and have been this distance since childhood.
Apparently he's starting replying "Oh I did; I stuck them in a postage box two days ago, with some chocolate biscuits for the trip. I got a text from Geekette this morning that just said 'SOS', so I guess they got there okay."

These are also the same people who were shocked that my uncle let me pick up my oldest cousin from school, when I came to visit. I don't think you can win.

delabela

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #37 on: April 26, 2013, 01:01:39 AM »
I do think that it's usually just part of the chatter - which is partially why I give a silly answer.

menley

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #38 on: April 26, 2013, 09:02:57 AM »
Yikes, I'm starting to feel pretty guilty. I always ask friends of mine that are parents where the kids are - if they normally bring the children, that is.  I never mean it as a rude question.  I'm just usually curious where the kids are and what they've been up to recently.  Guess I should stop asking?

delabela

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #39 on: April 26, 2013, 10:18:43 AM »
Yikes, I'm starting to feel pretty guilty. I always ask friends of mine that are parents where the kids are - if they normally bring the children, that is.  I never mean it as a rude question.  I'm just usually curious where the kids are and what they've been up to recently.  Guess I should stop asking?

Oh, I for one really don't mind it.  I think people feel obligated to do a "how are the kids" check in.  I've never had anyone ask me who's watching the kids and be seriously worried about the answer.  I also want people to know they don't have to talk about my kids, so I give an irreverent answer.

Virg

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #40 on: April 26, 2013, 10:45:40 AM »
menley wrote:

"I always ask friends of mine that are parents where the kids are - if they normally bring the children, that is.  I never mean it as a rude question."

I'd just suggest a switch to "How are the kids doing?" and you're golden.  Showing interest in the kids doesn't get you in trouble, and you could even follow that up with "where are they" if you're curious, because then it comes across as interest more than judgement.

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DoubleTrouble

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #41 on: April 26, 2013, 10:53:47 AM »
When my twins were little I used to say the dog was watching them >:D The looks I got were really funny! Now I just say that between the three of them they can manage on their own, heehee.

*inviteseller

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #42 on: April 26, 2013, 11:00:19 AM »
I have a friend, who if she sees me out without the girls will ask "who did you bribe to take those kids?" and I laugh because she is just making small talk.  But when I get that question with the tone of "my aren't you the bad parent to leave your most precious commodity at home with some ogre",  then they get a flippant answer because surprisingly parents (mostly moms tho) get the judgy questions and are made to feel like bad parents.  We should start a thread about the intrusive questions we get asked about our parenting choices..bet it would be a looooong thread. 

Minmom3

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #43 on: April 26, 2013, 11:23:58 AM »
 >:( My favorite Nosy Parker question was "Do they have the same father?"  Or, are they a 'second family?"  Because, you see, #1 is brunette, and 21 months older than #2, who is a Red Head, and 31 months older than #3, who is also a Red Head.

Not a Nosy Parker question, but more of a 'You're An Idiot" question was wondering if the Reds were twins.  There has ALWAYS been a size difference between them, and even though #2 was petite for her age, and #3 was bigger for her age, #2 was always a lot bigger than her little sister, because, for reals people, 31 months apart!    :o
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

TootsNYC

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Re: "who's watching the kids?"
« Reply #44 on: April 26, 2013, 12:27:14 PM »
Yikes, I'm starting to feel pretty guilty. I always ask friends of mine that are parents where the kids are - if they normally bring the children, that is.  I never mean it as a rude question.  I'm just usually curious where the kids are and what they've been up to recently.  Guess I should stop asking?

I think there's a way to ask this without sounding like you're challenging their basic care for their children.

You ask what you want to know. "What are the kids doing while you're here?" is pretty clear. "Who's babysitting?" is a completely different question.

And I think you can ask "Who'd you get to babysit?" in a way that sounds curious about their life instead of a bit challenging.