Author Topic: Don't want to eat your yucky food  (Read 11876 times)

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BeagleMommy

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #45 on: May 01, 2013, 02:59:50 PM »
Knitterly, I applaud you for trying to resolve the situation without causing drama.  You know your mother and how she would react.  Will she eventually have to be told her food is dangerous?  I'm sure it will happen and the resulting drama overload will be epic.

For the time being, could you suggest something like "Mom, it would really make me happy to take you out for lunch."  That way your focusing on your feelings rather than her poisonous food.

peach2play

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #46 on: May 01, 2013, 03:13:54 PM »
There was a post recently http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=126586.0 talking about Magic Words.  It was very well written and powerful.  Basically it stated that there are no magic words that will make your mother change her behavior with out causing fall out.  You have two choices: either keep silent (ie things stay the same) or speak up and deal with the fall out.  There are no words that will make your mom understand your position without causing some kind of drama.  For now, things are ok and you are able to make plans without her noticing you aren't eating at her house but there is nothing you can say, other than the truth, that will magically make her not blow up/cause a scene/have hurt feelings when she notices.  You are not responsible for her drama, or her feelings.  You are not asking for anything that is SS. 

TBH, the milk and cheese thing I don't really get but that's because my grandparents owned a cattle ranch and dairy farm and the expiration date on milk is a suggestion, to a point (3 weeks is a bit over the top).  If it smells bad then don't drink it was the rule (not that milk lasts more than 4 days in our house).  The meat thing I absolutely understand having had some very questionable meat served to me as a missionary kid. 
It all comes down to this: at some point you are going to have to hurt her feelings to keep your kid safe.  Heck, at some point you're going to have to hurt your kid's feelings to keep them safe.  It will be ok, the world will not end and even though it will change your relationship with your mom, it will be worth it.  You were probably brought up that Mom's feelings were all important and your's didn't matter.  Well, you're not a kid anymore and you get to make your own choices...one of those is, you, and your family, don't eat at your mother's house.  I promise it will only hurt for a little bit and be a lot less stressful in the end if you gently tell you mom the truth.  Doing so is the hard part and I'm still learning that with my Mom.  Good Luck (hands you shiny spine polish)!

drivenbonkers

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #47 on: May 01, 2013, 04:02:38 PM »
Knitterly, it sounds like you:
-Dont want to eat food she prepared
-Dont' want to tell her you don't want to eat food she prepared
-Don't want her to realize that you never eat food that she prepares
-But you want to plan get togethers that involve meals or at least lunch

I don't think you can have it both ways. If you absolutely don't want to be upfront and you don't want her to ever realize that you never accept invitations to eat at her home, then you can't plan activities that involve meal times.


I do think there is a way; propose lunch out 'as a treat for you, all together, the girls lunch out' you can avoid the moldy cheese not so fresh cold meats issues for a while longer. 

'Let's try that little cafe today, the other new pizza parlour there, picnic in the park and feed the ducks etc', a diversion tactic. 

Avoiding the confrontation about 'her food', building a pleasant relationship further. 

just my two cents 




I agree with this, but her mother tries to arranges these plans at times.

It's not a simple case of not liking the food. The food her mother has is nasty and dangerous.
Actually in post 18 Knitterly says that:
I call and say "Hey mom, I'm going to be in your area, let's go out for lunch."  I have arranged it, I have the car so I can escape if I need to, etc.

That implies tha Knitterly also tries to arrange things around meals. I just think she needs to discount ever having meals with her mom.

I understand it is a safety issue and not just not liking the food. Not sure what was in most post to imply that I didn't but sorry if it was confusing.

learningtofly

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #48 on: May 01, 2013, 08:54:08 PM »
I've been dealing with this with DH and my ILs.  DH was raised that you don't waste food.  He finished things off and thinks things are good way beyond when I do.  I had a mom who followed a strict diet and not only followed expiration dates, taught me I didn't have to clean my plate and could throw out food rather than over eating.

There are certain things I will not eat at my ILs.  Deli meat is one of those things.  Last time I was offered a sandwich I told them I wasn't hungry (late breakfast so it was true) and picked up something on the road an hour later.  To them it would have been a waste of money.  To me it was a chance to avoid being sick.  I don't have an immunity against bad food.  DH has lost his immunity and it took him getting pretty sick to understand why I don't eat certain things at his parents house.

DD has a small list of what she will eat and good luck to anyone trying to give her something new.  She's safe with the grandparents  :)

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #49 on: May 01, 2013, 09:30:47 PM »
There is usually mold on the cheese, the butter is contaminated with peanut butter (Mr K has an allergy), the milk is almost always expired, etc.
I grew up like this.  We would simply cut the mold off the cheese
I promise to come back and read the whole thread, but your family sounds like mine.  A couple years ago, I was helping my 80+ y.o. father prepare cheese and crackers to go with cocktails.  He was scolding me for cutting off too much cheese when trimming the mold.

MK:  Just to let you know, Dad, DH wouldn't have cut the mold off the cheese ...
Dad:  DH is my kinda guy.
MK:  ... He would have tossed the whole chunk when he saw the mold.
Dad: WHAAA!
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

ShadowLady

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #50 on: May 02, 2013, 03:18:29 PM »
There is usually mold on the cheese, the butter is contaminated with peanut butter (Mr K has an allergy), the milk is almost always expired, etc.
I grew up like this.  We would simply cut the mold off the cheese
I promise to come back and read the whole thread, but your family sounds like mine.  A couple years ago, I was helping my 80+ y.o. father prepare cheese and crackers to go with cocktails.  He was scolding me for cutting off too much cheese when trimming the mold.

MK:  Just to let you know, Dad, DH wouldn't have cut the mold off the cheese ...
Dad:  DH is my kinda guy.
MK:  ... He would have tossed the whole chunk when he saw the mold.
Dad: WHAAA!

My DH is the same way, the minute he sees mold, he wants to throw the whole block.   I on the other hand am willing to try to salvage part of it.  Although there are times I agree with him.  :)

White Lotus

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #51 on: May 02, 2013, 03:33:51 PM »
"Cheese-paring" is an old expression used to describe someone frugal to cheap, and it means the sort of person who trims the mold off the cheese.  Which I do.  Unless that is the best part.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #52 on: May 02, 2013, 03:35:03 PM »
"Cheese-paring" is an old expression used to describe someone frugal to cheap, and it means the sort of person who trims the mold off the cheese.  Which I do.  Unless that is the best part.
Hey, I resemble that remark!  ;)

I'm not cheap; I'm thrifty. >:D
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Nuala

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #53 on: May 02, 2013, 03:39:18 PM »
You're right, your mother will probably notice that you're not eating at her house. If she does ask about it, I'd frame it as a stomach issue.

"Oh, I've noticed that my stomach get easily upset now, and I've become kind of paranoid about expiration dates and things like that."

She'll likely push back, but you can use Toots' rinse and repeat method.

"But the food is fine!"
"Well, I'm not going to chance it."
"You grew up eating like this."
"We'll, I'm not going to chance it."
"We eat this every day and we're fine."
"We'll, I'm not going to chance it."

If you don't think your stomach is enough to sway her, you can blame LK's tummy and the pediatrician, if you like.

ladyknight1

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #54 on: May 02, 2013, 05:33:06 PM »
For the mold-parers, only hard cheeses are safe to use after removing the mold. Nothing softer than cheddar would be safe to eat after paring the mold.

DH's grandparents were thrifty to the max, and we refer their ability to consume anything without getting sick as the "billy goat" gene. They could eat anything except yogurt.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #55 on: May 02, 2013, 06:17:21 PM »
My two middle kids love to eat lunchmeat ham.  The other day, Jenny, my 4-year-old, asked if she could have some.  I told her that was fine.  A few minutes later, she said that she was going to throw the turkey away, because it had pink spots on it.  Turkey?  Since when did we have turkey?  Well, apparently, long enough ago that it grows pink spots on it!  I didn't even know we still had any, so it must have really gotten lost behind something in the fridge, because it's been *ages* since I bought any turkey.  Good thing even a 4-year-old can tell that pink spots just aren't quite right on turkey.

ladyknight1

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #56 on: May 02, 2013, 06:21:55 PM »
I have also learned to check for a moiré pattern on deli meat.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #57 on: May 02, 2013, 07:23:03 PM »
I have also learned to check for a moiré pattern on deli meat.
<shudder>

I remember once, many years ago, buying a cold cut sandwich from a mobile eatery (aka "roach coach").  I thought there was lettuce in between the cold cuts, but it wasn't.

"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

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ladyknight1

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #58 on: May 02, 2013, 08:07:21 PM »
Yuck!

Knitterly, any updates? We can't trust food at my in-laws as they let things cool for half a day or more until stone cold before putting it away, and things remain in the freezer for months, before being eaten. I love leftovers, but hot food needs to stay hot, and cold food cold, and rapid temperature changes in between.

citadelle

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Re: Don't want to eat your yucky food
« Reply #59 on: May 05, 2013, 01:29:02 PM »
My two middle kids love to eat lunchmeat ham.  The other day, Jenny, my 4-year-old, asked if she could have some.  I told her that was fine.  A few minutes later, she said that she was going to throw the turkey away, because it had pink spots on it.  Turkey?  Since when did we have turkey?  Well, apparently, long enough ago that it grows pink spots on it!  I didn't even know we still had any, so it must have really gotten lost behind something in the fridge, because it's been *ages* since I bought any turkey.  Good thing even a 4-year-old can tell that pink spots just aren't quite right on turkey.
Maybe it was ham and the pink parts were the good parts ;)