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### Author Topic: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?  (Read 34783 times)

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#### rose red

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #30 on: April 26, 2013, 01:21:00 PM »
I've seen this happen twice, both times for work lunches.  The first time, there were about 20 of us and the person paying the bill assumed the tip was included since we were such a large group.  The waiter came outside and said the tip wasn't included (I forget his exact words).

The second time was with a smaller group, but somehow a tip wasn't left and the the waiter came outside too.

I got chased down in another country because the waitress told us we forgot to take our money and left it on the table

#### Twik

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #31 on: April 26, 2013, 01:27:10 PM »
A good waiter never chases anyone over a tip. They realize that asking for a tip is sort of like demanding that your beloved tell you that they really, truly love you - when it's all over, you know it was forced, and worth very little compared to your lost dignity.

However, money is money, and servers are no different than the rest of us. Some may indeed be indignant enough to force a confrontation.
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#### JoieGirl7

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #32 on: April 26, 2013, 01:27:55 PM »
They are stealing.  They are stealing someone's service and their other tips.  This is the way it is, servers work for tips.

That cocltail you ordered?  Gets tipped out to the bartender whether you tipped or not.  Hosts and hostesses?  They get 3% tipped out.  So, because you ate there, the server has to tip out others on your behalf.  When you don't tip, that money comes out of his other tips.

That is isn't how it is across the board but is in most large restaurants and chains.

And no, servers do not want to work for minumum wage.

If they were paid minimum wage, the quality of servers would go down.

Also you might be surprised to know how much a server focuses on a particular customer because that is where his tip is coming from.

So, what give him the right t confront someone?  He is working for them!    If the customer is not going to tip they should e able to give a reason for it that is based on the server's performance, like "we waited half an hour for our apps" or "you never brought us our sides."

Unless someone comes from the moon, they should be aware of how the system works.  Doesn't really matter of one agrees with it or not, it is the reality.

Just because you are not compelled by law to do something does not rescind your obligation to it.  If you don't like the system, then don't dine out in the US.

#### JoieGirl7

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #33 on: April 26, 2013, 01:30:58 PM »
A good waiter never chases anyone over a tip. They realize that asking for a tip is sort of like demanding that your beloved tell you that they really, truly love you - when it's all over, you know it was forced, and worth very little compared to your lost dignity.

However, money is money, and servers are no different than the rest of us. Some may indeed be indignant enough to force a confrontation.

I disagree. The ony waiter that will ever "chasse you down" is one that has done their job, not one one who would risk the embarrassment of being told that they did not do their job.

And sorry, but its not like demanding that "beloved tell you that they really, truly love you."  Not at all.  They worked for you, you should pay them.  That is the custom.   Taking advantage of the fact that its a custom and not a law, is rude.

#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #34 on: April 26, 2013, 01:34:14 PM »
I got chased once. A couple friends & I decided to try a new restaurant - the food wasn't bad, but the service wasn't all that good. Lots of wondering where our waiter was. We still left a decent (but not stellar) tip, and when we were outside deciding where to go next, he came outside and yelled at us. I told him if he wanted better tips, he should try actually serving his tables.
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#### Outdoor Girl

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #35 on: April 26, 2013, 01:38:14 PM »
Outdoor Girl, I think the main issue with the rising tip percentages is that the minimum wage for service workers has stayed the same for 20 years, while costs and taxes have obviously increased. (FTR, Alaska, California, Minnesota, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington are the states where servers are paid minimum wage with no regard for tips.)

Like I said, server minimum wage here is only a little bit below regular minimum wage, AFAIK.  When I first started tipping in university, 10% was the norm.  In the '90's and early '00's, 15% was the norm.  And now, 20% is the norm.  If the servers were making the wage that many of the servers in the US make, it wouldn't bother me but here?  I think it is getting ridiculous.

Re:  server confrontation:  We were a large group.  Service wasn't fantastic but because we were chatting with each other, we didn't care.  Tip came out just shy of 15% (in 2004) and the server confronted the person who collected everyone's money and paid the cheque, nastily.  Needless to say, she didn't get any more money.
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#### Twik

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #36 on: April 26, 2013, 01:38:56 PM »
So, what give him the right t confront someone?  He is working for them!    If the customer is not going to tip they should e able to give a reason for it that is based on the server's performance, like "we waited half an hour for our apps" or "you never brought us our sides."

Yes, but s/he is working without necessarily a "meeting of the minds" as to how good a job must be done for a certain level of tip. It could be that the server really *was* atrocious - that sort of server, in fact, is probably more likely to wax indignant than a good one, who takes things in stride. And yes, I would expect a bad waiter to be much more aggressive than one who has done their job properly, because that sort of aggressive, yet short-sighted, person is likely to be a bad waiter (see jedikaiti's post for an example).

The tipping system does have some glaring problems, but none of those entitle the server to confront a customer, and demand that they do better. There will, always, be people who do not tip/tip inadequately. The majority of people will tip, and some will tip very well. Unless you are a poor server, or you are unlucky enough to work somewhere that the customers are all skinflints, the law of averages will prevail. If you don't like it, you could lobby for the elimination of tipping, and every server being paid a flat wage - and yet, few servers really would like to see that.

Confronting someone that they MUST give you a tip is simply not effective. The person is either going to refuse (which is their right by law), or pay reluctantly, and never, ever return to the restaurant.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

#### Sharnita

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #37 on: April 26, 2013, 01:45:22 PM »
When you choose to dine in a restaurant in the US you are agreeing to the social contract that oncludes tipping. The protocol does allow some freedom to shift up or down on the scale but you have agreed to tip. It really is theft if you don't. They shouldn't chase people bit I understand the urge.

#### rose red

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##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #38 on: April 26, 2013, 01:53:49 PM »
It doesn't have to mean a nasty confrontation.  In this thread, there are stories about waiters asking if they were satisfied with the service.  There are also stories about customers genuinely forgetting to leave a tip.  A good waiter should know how to get to the bottom of things in a polite way to find out what kind of tipper the customer is.  And if a customer don't tip no matter what, they probably don't want their continued business anyway.

Of course, a waiter shouldn't be nasty or call people names just because a customer forgot to leave a tip or leave a small tip.

#### MrTango

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• Posts: 3172
##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #39 on: April 26, 2013, 02:01:14 PM »
So, what give him the right t confront someone?  He is working for them!    If the customer is not going to tip they should e able to give a reason for it that is based on the server's performance, like "we waited half an hour for our apps" or "you never brought us our sides."

Yes, but s/he is working without necessarily a "meeting of the minds" as to how good a job must be done for a certain level of tip. It could be that the server really *was* atrocious - that sort of server, in fact, is probably more likely to wax indignant than a good one, who takes things in stride. And yes, I would expect a bad waiter to be much more aggressive than one who has done their job properly, because that sort of aggressive, yet short-sighted, person is likely to be a bad waiter (see jedikaiti's post for an example).

The tipping system does have some glaring problems, but none of those entitle the server to confront a customer, and demand that they do better. There will, always, be people who do not tip/tip inadequately. The majority of people will tip, and some will tip very well. Unless you are a poor server, or you are unlucky enough to work somewhere that the customers are all skinflints, the law of averages will prevail. If you don't like it, you could lobby for the elimination of tipping, and every server being paid a flat wage - and yet, few servers really would like to see that.

Confronting someone that they MUST give you a tip is simply not effective. The person is either going to refuse (which is their right by law), or pay reluctantly, and never, ever return to the restaurant.

Or, more likely, they'll refuse to pay, never return to the restaurant, and everyone they know will hear about how the waiter tried to shake them down for more money.

#### Saturnine Rodent

• Member
• Posts: 20
##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #40 on: April 26, 2013, 02:03:53 PM »
They are stealing.  They are stealing someone's service and their other tips.  This is the way it is, servers work for tips.

That cocltail you ordered?  Gets tipped out to the bartender whether you tipped or not.  Hosts and hostesses?  They get 3% tipped out.  So, because you ate there, the server has to tip out others on your behalf.  When you don't tip, that money comes out of his other tips.

That is isn't how it is across the board but is in most large restaurants and chains.

And no, servers do not want to work for minumum wage.

If they were paid minimum wage, the quality of servers would go down.

Also you might be surprised to know how much a server focuses on a particular customer because that is where his tip is coming from.

So, what give him the right t confront someone?  He is working for them!    If the customer is not going to tip they should e able to give a reason for it that is based on the server's performance, like "we waited half an hour for our apps" or "you never brought us our sides."

Unless someone comes from the moon, they should be aware of how the system works.  Doesn't really matter of one agrees with it or not, it is the reality.

Just because you are not compelled by law to do something does not rescind your obligation to it.  If you don't like the system, then don't dine out in the US.

i never said i disliked the system, i was just confused as heck  no one else where i am really has this tipping mentality and i was curious, i was merely asking for information and confirmation. i don't inherently dislike the system as it seems to work well enough in america, i just wanted to know why it happened and how

#### Momiitz

• Member
• Posts: 165
##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #41 on: April 26, 2013, 02:17:56 PM »

[/quote]

In many states they DO get at least minimum wage plus tips.
[/quote]

Only four states give the federal minimum wage for tipped employees, Alaska, California, Nevada and Washington.

Many states give the minimum of $2.13 an hour. About five states have made the tipped employee minimum wage between$4 and \$5.

http://www.paywizard.org/main/minimum-wage/tipped-workers

#### JoieGirl7

• Member
• Posts: 7799
##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #42 on: April 26, 2013, 02:22:24 PM »
So, what give him the right t confront someone?  He is working for them!    If the customer is not going to tip they should e able to give a reason for it that is based on the server's performance, like "we waited half an hour for our apps" or "you never brought us our sides."

Yes, but s/he is working without necessarily a "meeting of the minds" as to how good a job must be done for a certain level of tip. It could be that the server really *was* atrocious - that sort of server, in fact, is probably more likely to wax indignant than a good one, who takes things in stride. And yes, I would expect a bad waiter to be much more aggressive than one who has done their job properly, because that sort of aggressive, yet short-sighted, person is likely to be a bad waiter (see jedikaiti's post for an example).

The tipping system does have some glaring problems, but none of those entitle the server to confront a customer, and demand that they do better. There will, always, be people who do not tip/tip inadequately. The majority of people will tip, and some will tip very well. Unless you are a poor server, or you are unlucky enough to work somewhere that the customers are all skinflints, the law of averages will prevail. If you don't like it, you could lobby for the elimination of tipping, and every server being paid a flat wage - and yet, few servers really would like to see that.

Confronting someone that they MUST give you a tip is simply not effective. The person is either going to refuse (which is their right by law), or pay reluctantly, and never, ever return to the restaurant.

So, now its confronting them and demanding a tip?  That is not what I am talking about.  I think the server has the right to ask the question (as has been illustrated in posts here) if there was some complaint or problem with the service.

The customer should have a good reason for withholding a tip.

#### JoieGirl7

• Member
• Posts: 7799
##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #43 on: April 26, 2013, 02:26:33 PM »
They are stealing.  They are stealing someone's service and their other tips.  This is the way it is, servers work for tips.

That cocltail you ordered?  Gets tipped out to the bartender whether you tipped or not.  Hosts and hostesses?  They get 3% tipped out.  So, because you ate there, the server has to tip out others on your behalf.  When you don't tip, that money comes out of his other tips.

That is isn't how it is across the board but is in most large restaurants and chains.

And no, servers do not want to work for minumum wage.

If they were paid minimum wage, the quality of servers would go down.

Also you might be surprised to know how much a server focuses on a particular customer because that is where his tip is coming from.

So, what give him the right t confront someone?  He is working for them!    If the customer is not going to tip they should e able to give a reason for it that is based on the server's performance, like "we waited half an hour for our apps" or "you never brought us our sides."

Unless someone comes from the moon, they should be aware of how the system works.  Doesn't really matter of one agrees with it or not, it is the reality.

Just because you are not compelled by law to do something does not rescind your obligation to it.  If you don't like the system, then don't dine out in the US.

i never said i disliked the system, i was just confused as heck  no one else where i am really has this tipping mentality and i was curious, i was merely asking for information and confirmation. i don't inherently dislike the system as it seems to work well enough in america, i just wanted to know why it happened and how

I was responding to reflection5 -- sorry, the reply thingie didn't work for me.

#### GSNW

• Member
• Posts: 593
##### Re: do waiters chase you if you don't tip in america?
« Reply #44 on: April 26, 2013, 02:59:04 PM »
This caused me to remember a study I read in college done by some sociologist or another.  He looked at waitstaff who received NO tip (not low tips) and gave them a questionnaire about their experience(s) of not getting a tip.

VERY rarely did the serve correlate no tip with bad service.  They blamed other actors like a penny pincher, someone who ran out of money, or "foreigners."  So I think this serves to underscore what someone else said - is that if you are annoyed enough to completely forgo the tip, you need to tell someone (manager) why.

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