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Author Topic: Under Attack  (Read 5057 times)

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Under Attack
« on: May 05, 2013, 08:10:52 PM »
Hello readers,
I am at a complete loss as to what my wife and I can do now to save our relationships with my family.  I grew up with a very loving mother and father who always went out of their way to do everything they could for my siblings and I.  We wanted for nothing.  Our family structure was a little different due to my brother and sister being so much older than myself.  I was more of a oops baby, yet they loved me all the same. 

My brother and sister have both gotten married and divorced with my sister having a daughter of her own.  I eventually got married myself to a woman who I believe is my one and true soul mate.  Unfortunately my wife and I developed a drinking problem during our marriage that went on for just over a year.  One day my brother and sister arrived at our house to have an intervention with us telling us how they love us and want us to get better and they would support us with anything we need.  We quit drinking that day for good and have been going to AA meetings ever since.  Basically we completely turned our lives around, and still we never leave each others side. 

Now shortly after that my wife had to quit her job where my sister also worked due to my health issues.  I am unable to be left on my own for long periods of time making her have to stay home with me.  (Not getting into specifics of my health but it is completely unrelated to the drinking prior).  After my wife quit her job all hell has broken loose in my family.  My parents health has deteriorated dramatically over the past year.  My father is in the hospital for the rest of his life and my mother is not far behind him.  After the intervention with us my brother and sister were saying that had some issues with us being around our parents because they were not used to people with addictions and worried we would steal from or cheat them out of things.  We proved that we would not and had regained much of the families trust until my wife quit her job.  My sister for some reason took her leaving personally and has since set out to turn our entire family against us.

Now we have close family and extended family calling and texting us telling us to stay away from our parents.  We have found out that my sister has gone to everyone who would listen and told them about our drinking problem, but she also lied about it telling people we did things that we did not trying to turn them against us.  With the exception of my parents themselves everyone else acts like they could not be happier if my wife and I disappeared for the rest of our lives.  These are the same people who use to hold me up as a example to others as to what a real man should be.  I just can not believe that because I made one mistake in my life I am now a horrible person without redemption. 

We have discovered new information recently that is really scaring us and we have no idea what we should do for our own protection and that of my parents.  We have found out that my brother has been making suicidal and homicidal threats towards us, my parents, and himself.  With our parents health being so bad he figures he should put them out of HIS misery.  We also found that my sister has gotten as much access to my parents accounts as she can.  She has become power of attorney for my father and the executor of the will for my mother.  She has been heard saying that no one else is getting anything when our parents pass away.

We firmly believe that she turned the entire family on us simply to try and cut us out of the will and is manipulating the rest of them into thinking she will be fair with our parents assets and abide by their wishes.  She refuses to even acknowledge that our brother has a problem at all.
We are going crazy because we have tried to make amends with our family but every time we make any progress my sister will start making calls and literally lie to them about something we have done and for some reason everyone believes her.  We are at the point now that we are ready to cut ties and stop trying to be polite.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 


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Re: Under Attack
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2013, 08:19:59 PM »
First of all, DE, welcome. Second, I am sending you and your wife a lot of hugs and well wishes. You are in an exceedingly difficult spot. Third, consider getting a lawyer to protect your interests. Fourth, if you believe your brother might be a real danger to you or your parents get the police and adult protective services involved. Finally, if the members of your family believe your sister and are believing her accusations without even talking to you or considering your personal progress I really don't know if the situation is salvageable. It sounds like the two of you have a great relationship so you can stand strong together. Maybe you might want to sit down with your wife and a counselor to decide how you want to handle this. I am honestly not sure if an etiquette forum can help with this terrible situation.



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Re: Under Attack
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2013, 08:22:15 PM »
I think this sounds beyond the scope of a etiquette forum.  Family counseling, with or withour other family members and possibly a lawyer would be wise.


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Re: Under Attack
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2013, 08:24:22 PM »
This problem is far beyond what an etiquette forum can do for you.  Best of luck to you and your wife.


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Re: Under Attack
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2013, 10:16:44 PM »
Sorry for what you are going through. I have Power of Attorney for my 95 year old father and had it for my deceased mother. I am executor of the will. Powers of Attorney are limited. Your sister, for instance, cannot change a will. If I were you I would find some good web sites to inform myself about probate so that you know what protections there are in your state to make sure that assets are disposed of properly.

Also, the power of attorney ends when the person dies. You cannot have power of attorney for a deceased person.

Lawyers are expensive, but perhaps you could find out what it would cost for one meeting with an attorney that handles estates. Good luck.

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