General Etiquette > Family and Children

You're Not My Sister

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NyaChan:
Just to clarify - is that you don't want a sisterly relationship or is that you don't want a relationship at all? 

If she ever brought it up to you directly, I think you could say "I appreciate that you think of me as part of your family, and I know you and my father are close, however, I do not feel that we have a sibling relationship."  The followup line would depend on what kind of relationship (if any) you do want to have with her.

gramma dishes:

--- Quote from: weeblewobble on April 27, 2013, 01:59:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: gramma dishes on April 27, 2013, 01:49:06 PM ---I feel sorry for her.  She obviously considered your Dad to be 'her' Dad.  That would make you "sisters" even though from the standpoint of genealogy, she clearly is not.

Keep in mind that had your father adopted her, she would have been technically your sister.

Honestly, she must really like you an awfully lot to want that closeness.  Is there some other reason you are rejecting her wish to include you in her concept of 'family'?

--- End quote ---

I'm not saying I don't feel sorry for her, but at the same time, how could she like the OP so much if she's only met her three times?  They don't have the relationship that Betty is imagining.  When someone pushes for the rights and privileges (i.e. wedding invitations) of a relationship that is non-existent that rings some alarm bells for me.

--- End quote ---

 :o  Oh my goodness, you're absolutely right.  I entirely missed the part about having met her only three times in her whole life.  That changes my attitude -- a lot!   :-[

snowdragon:
I agree with weeblewobble. You don't have to acknowledge her as a sibling, invite her to family events or anything of that nature. You wouldn't have to even if she was your father's ex stepdaughter with whom he remained close.  What she wants is not the be all and end all and you have equal voice in any relationship.
  You don't want to call her your sister - don't and don't feel bad about telling her that you won't list her a a sister because she not - it's the truth.
   She does not get to force you into a relationship you don't want. If you just want to be acquaintances, just be that. And if she pushes the "siblings are supposed to do X" stuff...be blunt.

dirtyweasel:

--- Quote from: NyaChan on April 27, 2013, 02:01:15 PM ---Just to clarify - is that you don't want a sisterly relationship or is that you don't want a relationship at all? 

If she ever brought it up to you directly, I think you could say "I appreciate that you think of me as part of your family, and I know you and my father are close, however, I do not feel that we have a sibling relationship."  The followup line would depend on what kind of relationship (if any) you do want to have with her.

--- End quote ---

Right now I would say that we have a friendly acquaintance relationship purely through Facebook.  We don't and have never talked on the phone together and other then a few comments on Facebook pictures we don't really talk to each other. 

Honestly?  I like the relationship where it's at - friendly acquaintance.  I'm not sure if it matters, but she's also about 15 years older than me.  I'm not sure if this has any relevance though because all of my siblings are 10-18 years older than me so I never really had that "close in age sibling relationship" anyways.

TootsNYC:
I don't think I'd respond at all. At least not to her.

To my mom, I might say "Look, Mom, I 'm sorry her feelings are hurt. But I don't consider her to be quite that closely connected to me. I'm happy to be in the 'friendly acquaintance' situation, and I think it's great that she and Dad are close. But I personally don't really know her, and I don't feel a major need to be closer. And I have only met her 3 times in my life. That doesn't create a 'sister' relationship.
   "If she brings it up, feel free to say stuff like, 'oh, I'm sure she's glad about your relationship with Dad.' But please don't pressure me to create a relationship that doesn't exist."

And then continue the "friendly acquaintance" thing just as it is. She'll get the message eventually.

But saying "I don't really consider you my sister" is just not going anywhere pleasant at all.

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