General Etiquette > Family and Children

Sister's Wedding Rudeness -Update #104, #122

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CakeEater:

--- Quote from: MummyPumpkin83 on May 03, 2013, 05:33:07 PM ---
Sorry for the huge quote...
Yes my sisters and I got ready together for my wedding. We were all living together with my parents and got ready at home. We had a lady come to our house to do hair and makeup and my mum paid for it.

When my other sister got married I only had one kid, so it was easier logistically. We all met at a hairdresser to get our hair done. And went back to my parents (where both sisters were living) and got ready. The other 3 bridesmaids got ready there too and one of them did my make up for me.

I'm not sure that she's being rude about getting ready together, just doesn't understand the difficulties of getting there.

I do think she is rude about the kitchen tea.

--- End quote ---

I have two small children, one with special needs. I know how difficult logistics can be at times.

However, this is her wedding, and you're her bridesmaid. She's not asking for you to do a two-hour round trip to drop her off at the shops. It's to have a special time with her bridesmaids getting ready for her wedding. It's a big deal, and even if she understood the difficulties, I don't think the request that you deal with those difficulties and get there is an unreasonable one.

Heck, my DH is taking two days off work next month to look after our kids while I fly to another country for four days for my brother's short-notice wedding. I'm paying for flights and will have to get my passport renewed. So I guess I don't see a two-huor drive as such a big deal.

sparksals:

--- Quote from: Seven Ate Nine on May 03, 2013, 05:11:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: sparksals on May 03, 2013, 04:47:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: MummyPumpkin83 on May 02, 2013, 09:11:46 PM ---So the plan as I have been told is that my dad will leave to pick me up while my sister and the other 4 bridesmaids are having their turn at getting hair and makeup done. I will be last on the list. So I guess it will be turn up, get my hair and make up done, then we'll all put our dresses on (or they may already have their dresses on). Have some photos, get in the cars and go.

The issue with my MIL taking DH and kids to the church is that our car would then be at my parents house (assuming my parents go in the bridal party transport which they did for my wedding) and we would have to go back there at some point to collect it before we could get home.

I offered to print the invitations for the kitchen tea. My other sister and MOH are the "hosts" (their names and numbers are on the invitation for RSVPs). I've just received the document - wording is ...

"we would love to help (DSis) set up her kitchen with Tupperware, instead of bringing gifts please consider brining some cash to put in (DSis)'s wish box so she can purchase Tupperware on the day. Or you might want to place an order for your favourite piece of Tupperware for her as a gift! All Personal purchases will contribute to (DSis)'s hosts gifts, feel free to bring orders from friends to help out too!"

She had originally wanted to invite 50 people, however has been told to cut the guest list to 30 as our middle sister is hosting at her house.
any suggestions on ways to amend the wording so its not such a blatant gift grab?

Edited to add all the wording from the invite.

--- End quote ---


This is a minor logistic.  I'm sure if you discuss with your family, you can all come up with something so that the car is at the wedding venue after the wedding is over.  Is it really such a hardship for you to travel home with your parents to get your car and then go home after the wedding?

--- End quote ---

40 minutes each way is not a short drive, especially after an entire day of wedding affairs.  I live about an hour from where my sister got married, and I did some really convoluted car switching so that DH could drive me home (ie, we didn't have two cars at the reception site).  We left "early" (after 10pm, with the HC's blessing) due to having a long drive home, and I was completely exhausted.

--- End quote ---

I don't think it is for a sister on her wedding day. 

Iris:

--- Quote from: Lynn2000 on May 03, 2013, 10:29:12 AM ---
--- Quote from: MummyPumpkin83 on May 02, 2013, 09:11:46 PM ---I offered to print the invitations for the kitchen tea. My other sister and MOH are the "hosts" (their names and numbers are on the invitation for RSVPs). I've just received the document - wording is ...

"we would love to help (DSis) set up her kitchen with Tupperware, instead of bringing gifts please consider brining some cash to put in (DSis)'s wish box so she can purchase Tupperware on the day. Or you might want to place an order for your favourite piece of Tupperware for her as a gift! All Personal purchases will contribute to (DSis)'s hosts gifts, feel free to bring orders from friends to help out too!"

She had originally wanted to invite 50 people, however has been told to cut the guest list to 30 as our middle sister is hosting at her house.
any suggestions on ways to amend the wording so its not such a blatant gift grab?

Edited to add all the wording from the invite.

--- End quote ---

I'll take a crack at the invitation...

"Amy and Betty are pleased to host a kitchen tea for Cathy in honor of her upcoming marriage. At the bride's request, the kitchen tea will be combined with a Tupperware party, with Sally the Saleswoman available to take orders from guests for both personal use and as gifts for Cathy. Cathy looks forward to setting up her kitchen with Tupperware! If you have any questions, please contact Amy or Betty at..."

Okay, not perfect. But, I think it does several things.
1) Points out that the bride wanted the Tupperware party--in case someone thinks the hostesses are exploiting her kitchen tea or something. And that yeah, she apparently really likes Tupperware.
2) Makes it clear that this is a Tupperware sales party. Whether it's tacky to combine the events or not, at least people are aware of what they're getting into.
3) Suggests that guests can buy gifts on the spot for Cathy. Which hopefully implies they don't need to bring an additional gift. Don't give out other registry information with the invitation.

It might be good to work in that Cathy (or whoever) gets a portion of the proceeds from sales. And, if cash on the spot is required (i.e., Sally the Saleswoman doesn't take checks or credit cards), that might be good to mention for logistical reasons.

I do think showers/kitchen teas/etc. are more "gift grabby" by nature--it's generally expected everyone will bring a gift, so in a case like this it might be better to face that head-on and at least be honest about what guests will encounter.

--- End quote ---

I quite like this wording. Makes the best of a bad job, I think.

On the getting ready together thing my only issue is that I don't think it will be nice for you to be getting 'done' after everyone else is finished. That takes it away from 'let's get ready together, it will be fun!' and more towards 'I just want everyone to have the same hair' in my eyes.

MummyPumpkin83:
Definitely seems to be about all having the same hair/makeup colours rather than necessarily being together getting ready.

Shower invitations have gone out. Apparently the wording was ambiguous because guests have been asking if they have to buy a normal gft as well as Tupperware.
Bridesmaids have been requested to be there about 2 and1/2 hours early to set up, stay behind to clean up, and provide food, drink, cups, platters to serve food on, an Urn (if we have one), table cloths, etc, etc...

Wedding invitations arrived on the weekend, including the following poem (on a separate slip in the envelope):

your presence at the wedding is the greatest gift to receive,
witnessing the couple exchanging vows and state what they believe.
the tradition of the wishing well used on the wedding day,
is here both for your money gifts and for what you have to say
so please drop in a token of love for this special broom and bride
as they start their lives united by God, to live forever side by side

thoughts?

iridaceae:

--- Quote from: MummyPumpkin83 on January 16, 1970, 03:28:54 PM ---

thoughts?

--- End quote ---

That's really bad poetry. Vogon-level poetry.

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