General Etiquette > Family and Children

Sister's Wedding Rudeness -Update #104, #122

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Lynn2000:
I do think no one who feels uncomfortable with the pole dancing (or any other part) need attend it, but I think the question was, did the sister already commit to attending it, and is now having second thoughts, even though no new information has been given? That's not the best option to take, really, though sometimes it's unavoidable if you're really feeling conflicted about something.

Even if Sister ultimately chooses not to go, there might be consequences to her agreeing and then changing her mind (if that, in fact, happened). Like if there's a minimum requirement of 5 spots in a group, and now they only have 4 people, maybe she'll have to pay for a spot she's not going to use, so the rest of the group can still attend (since they based attending on her original agreement).

It would be nice if Sister could attend at least the dinner portion, though. I think as a bride it would be hurtful to have one of my sisters completely back out of my hen night, after saying she would be there, to attend someone else's party, even the portions that were non-objectionable. But, of course nice doesn't equal polite, and obviously there are a lot of family dynamics at play here. What one person would be hurt by, another would be perfectly fine with.

Twik:
I think it is not wise to expect that people will all be fine with "pretend sexual debauchery" night unless you know them well enough to be sure they'll think it's fun, not degrading. Assuming that people who don't want to do this will do it for love of you will land you in exactly this situation. Since I would assume the bride actually has more than a passing acquaintance with her sister, I can only assume that she either does not care how her sister feels about it, or worse, is amused at forcing her to do something that she feels is wrong.

I think backing out of the party is the best possible solution; certainly better than either attending with a sour expression, or feeling forced into doing something you do not want to do.


KenveeB:

--- Quote from: Twik on June 17, 2013, 12:03:42 PM ---I think it is not wise to expect that people will all be fine with "pretend sexual debauchery" night unless you know them well enough to be sure they'll think it's fun, not degrading. Assuming that people who don't want to do this will do it for love of you will land you in exactly this situation. Since I would assume the bride actually has more than a passing acquaintance with her sister, I can only assume that she either does not care how her sister feels about it, or worse, is amused at forcing her to do something that she feels is wrong.

I think backing out of the party is the best possible solution; certainly better than either attending with a sour expression, or feeling forced into doing something you do not want to do.

--- End quote ---

But Bride isn't assuming everyone would be fine with it. She's having three distinct parts of the party and has specifically said that it's fine to just come to the parts you want. I think that's a good way to do it if you want to have something out of the ordinary for your party. If it was my sister, I would make a point to come to the dinner even if I was bowing out on the rest.

LifeOnPluto:

--- Quote from: KenveeB on June 17, 2013, 01:57:34 PM ---
--- Quote from: Twik on June 17, 2013, 12:03:42 PM ---I think it is not wise to expect that people will all be fine with "pretend sexual debauchery" night unless you know them well enough to be sure they'll think it's fun, not degrading. Assuming that people who don't want to do this will do it for love of you will land you in exactly this situation. Since I would assume the bride actually has more than a passing acquaintance with her sister, I can only assume that she either does not care how her sister feels about it, or worse, is amused at forcing her to do something that she feels is wrong.

I think backing out of the party is the best possible solution; certainly better than either attending with a sour expression, or feeling forced into doing something you do not want to do.

--- End quote ---

But Bride isn't assuming everyone would be fine with it. She's having three distinct parts of the party and has specifically said that it's fine to just come to the parts you want. I think that's a good way to do it if you want to have something out of the ordinary for your party. If it was my sister, I would make a point to come to the dinner even if I was bowing out on the rest.

--- End quote ---

Exactly. If I recall correctly, the Bride had no issue with guests skipping the pole dancing part of the Hens Night.

My question stands. Had the middle sister indicated to the Bride that she'd be attending ANY part of the Hens Night? Because if so, I do think she's rude to back out altogether at this stage.


--- Quote from: Lynn2000 on June 17, 2013, 10:44:32 AM ---
It would be nice if Sister could attend at least the dinner portion, though. I think as a bride it would be hurtful to have one of my sisters completely back out of my hen night, after saying she would be there, to attend someone else's party, even the portions that were non-objectionable. But, of course nice doesn't equal polite, and obviously there are a lot of family dynamics at play here. What one person would be hurt by, another would be perfectly fine with.

--- End quote ---

I agree with this.

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