General Etiquette > Family and Children

Sister's Wedding Rudeness -Update #104, #122

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delabela:
I think it's completely reasonable for your sister to want her bridesmaids to get ready with her.  This isn't just any event, it's her wedding - she is likely to need support.  I for one greatly appreciated the help of my friends and family in getting ready the day of my wedding.  Presumably the wedding is not for some time - I would start thinking about arrangements (can you go back to early and pick your family up?  Can they take a cab to the ceremony and meet you there?  Is there someone else who could give them a ride?)

So I would say she is not a bridezilla.  I agree that the kitchen tea does not sound like something I would have for myself, but I probably wouldn't think twice if someone else did it.  As for commenting on her in laws money, I think you would be doing her a favor to gently suggest it's not a great idea to talk about how much money anyone has, but especially future in laws. 

reflection5:

--- Quote from: Sharnita on April 27, 2013, 10:38:02 PM ---1) she can have a tupperwear party if she wantsbut in no way should it be connected to her wedding/shower/anything else.  Conversely, you might be able to register for tupperwear but not have a party and if anybody asks if she is registered I don't see why tupperwear would be any worse than crystal but there should be no hosting a party and benefitting/GOH at a shower crossover.

2) Her expaxtations are unreasonable.  I suppose you could act as if it is a given you won't be driving there - maybe ask "So who will be picking me up?"  If she balks point out that DH can't drive you and the kids there (and then return home) so the only other option is you having your hair done around home.

3) I think I would tell her that it is kind of her not to expect people to attend all portions of the evening and that you will only be at portion number 2.  Thank her for being so understanding.

4) I wouldn't waste my breath on this one.
--- End quote ---

What do you mean by that?  Please explain.

CakeEater:
I would absolutely expect bridesmaids to get ready with the bride. I'd be pretty upset if one of my bridesmaids met me at the church. that's part of the fun of the day.

I think if she's having three parts to the hens night so people can attend the parts they want, I think it' fine to attend the parts you want.

And honestly, if she's speculating about her inlaws' finances with you and not with everyone she knows, I wouldn't be that worried about it.

*inviteseller:
1)  You can't call it a tea when it is really a pressured sales presentation, with the added guilt of having to buy because it benefits the bride.  I would say something to her that people may resent feeling pressured to buy something they don't want/need can't afford. 
2) I would tell your sister that you can't come and have your hair done with everyone as you have the transportation issues but I would do everything in my power to get there as early as you can to help your sister.  There is the leeway that you do have 3 small kids and a husband that need to get ready also and if your husband is driving back and forth, that makes it difficult.
3)  Just tell her what part you will be able to join without judging her choices for her night.
4)  Take her out for a coffee, if you can and talk to her about tact and talking about her in laws money.  That is not how she wants to start off the marriage thinking she is set because his parents have money.
--- Quote from: reflection5 on April 27, 2013, 11:03:38 PM ---
--- Quote from: Sharnita on April 27, 2013, 10:38:02 PM ---1) she can have a tupperwear party if she wantsbut in no way should it be connected to her wedding/shower/anything else.  Conversely, you might be able to register for tupperwear but not have a party and if anybody asks if she is registered I don't see why tupperwear would be any worse than crystal but there should be no hosting a party and benefitting/GOH at a shower crossover.

2) Her expaxtations are unreasonable.  I suppose you could act as if it is a given you won't be driving there - maybe ask "So who will be picking me up?"  If she balks point out that DH can't drive you and the kids there (and then return home) so the only other option is you having your hair done around home.

3) I think I would tell her that it is kind of her not to expect people to attend all portions of the evening and that you will only be at portion number 2.  Thank her for being so understanding.

4) I wouldn't waste my breath on this one.
--- End quote ---

What do you mean by that?  Please explain.

--- End quote ---

I think what she means is not to get involved in her inlaw stuff...

Iris:
1) For those who don't know a kitchen tea is sort of like a shower, but geared specifically towards helping the newlyweds set up their kitchen. For example when my cousin got married my mother and I put in and got her a set of saucepans at her kitchen tea. I haven't been to one for years because as people are cohabiting before marriage more they've gone out of fashion/relevance. So I have no problem with kitchen teas in general, especially since your sister is still living at home. However, I don't like the 'sales party' aspect of it much myself. If I were invited to a sales party for plasticware I just wouldn't go because I don't like it, but when it comes as an invitation to a kitchen tea I would feel more pressure to attend and also buy. So I would do them separately.

2) The request is reasonable - it's fun to all get ready together! however, I think she needs to be open to discussing logistics with you. Perhaps you could be 'done' first so you have time to collect your husband and boys before the ceremony?

3) Just attend the dinner. I think it is fine and overall it sounds like a good plan.

4) I would stay way, way away from this one myself.

So I vote not bridezilla but a bit misguided on the kitchen tea.

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