Author Topic: Sister's Wedding Rudeness -Update #104, #122  (Read 27722 times)

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WillyNilly

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #60 on: April 30, 2013, 03:32:13 PM »
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She has asked that I come to her house he morning of the wedding to get ready. Including paying $150ish for hair and make up.

This part jumped out at me.  It sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.  Paying $150 each for hair and makeup at your parent's house?  That is a lot of money for a style and makeup.  Also, only one person at a time gets taken care of.  Unlike a salon where it might all happen at once.  I would expect you would pay $150 to sit around and watch the bride get hair and makeup, and then everyone else gets slapped together. 

Don't get me wrong, I think it is reasonable to ask the BM's to come over.  In general.  But, between your 3 kids and the $150, I don't think it is reasonable anymore.

Sophia is right, and I didn't see that part before.  $150 is a lot of money for hair and makeup (My MOH did my makeup and my hair was $45ish including highlights earlier in the week).  There is also a lot of downtime at the house.  While I get that meeting up to get ready is fun, realistically it doesn't seem to be that workable and the whole day for the bride is a blur anyway.  Could you offer a compromise, like a spa package before the wedding, just the two of you?

I think if anyone is going to stick on the $150 price tag they need to use the full quote, which included:

I am happy to pay for hair and makeup somewhere close to home if she send me a style.

Sharnita

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #61 on: April 30, 2013, 03:38:28 PM »
I am unclear if having hair and makeup done close to home would add up to $150, though. Maybe part of the reason she would be willing to pay for ot close to home os because it is more afforfable there.

WillyNilly

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #62 on: April 30, 2013, 03:42:56 PM »
I am unclear if having hair and makeup done close to home would add up to $150, though. Maybe part of the reason she would be willing to pay for ot close to home os because it is more afforfable there.

The point is, at no point did our OP say the $150 was a problem, she only presented going to the family house to get ready as a problem and even specifically told us she doesn't mind paying for the services.

Sharnita

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #63 on: April 30, 2013, 03:46:34 PM »
I guess that including the cost seems to indicate it mignt be problematic on some level.

NyaChan

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #64 on: April 30, 2013, 03:47:30 PM »
I am unclear if having hair and makeup done close to home would add up to $150, though. Maybe part of the reason she would be willing to pay for ot close to home os because it is more afforfable there.

The point is, at no point did our OP say the $150 was a problem, she only presented going to the family house to get ready as a problem and even specifically told us she doesn't mind paying for the services.

She also never said that she'd asked to do her own makeup to avoid the $150 and was told that wasn't okay.  So really, there isn't any reason to think it is a deal breaking problem for either party.

Surianne

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #65 on: April 30, 2013, 04:09:26 PM »
The $150 sounds like a lot to me but I think the important factor is probably having the OP with her.  So I don't think the sister is rude for requesting she come for the day.  The sister has even worked out a plan -- their father will come pick her up.  If the OP isn't comfortable with the $150 price tag (I wouldn't be either), I think requesting that she do her own hair and makeup would be reasonable.  But she should try to make it for the getting ready portion, if at all possible.

Similarly the other issues I don't see as rude, particularly since the sister has made it clear that the bachelorette party is divided into three parts so that people can choose what they're comfortable with.  If pole dancing is something that makes you extremely uncomfortable to the point that you can't even watch it, I'd say go to the dinner and go out clubbing for an hour or so.  There's no reason you have to drink or stay out late -- dancing is just as fun sober, and you can buy your sister a drink before you head home to bed.

TootsNYC

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #66 on: April 30, 2013, 04:14:47 PM »
Also, couldn't your MIL stop by to help your husband with the children in getting ready the morning of?  She's going to the same place anyways and taking them home with her.

For that matter, couldn't your MIL drive your DH and kids to the event? She was going to take them home, yes? How was she going to get there, if not by car?

I think if you decide you want to be there, you can find a way. You just don't want to right now.

As for the $150 to get your hair done--if this is a hardship, I'd say so to your sister. It's really not appropriate for her to *require* you to pay for the services of a hair & makeup pro. If she's going to insist, she should pay. Wedding magazines say so.

CakeEater

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #67 on: April 30, 2013, 04:30:22 PM »
$150 for both a formal hairstyle and makeup, especially if the stylist is making a housecall to do it, is very reasonable in Australia. It's still a lot of money to pay, but not a lot to charge.

The other thing is, that part of the photographer's package is often that they come to the bride's 'getting ready place' and take photos of the dress before it goes on, bridesmaids putting the veil on, girls together, getting into the wedding cars etc.

Calistoga

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #68 on: April 30, 2013, 04:34:54 PM »
I thought the hang up was driving to sisters home, which is pretty far from OP's home, just to turn around and drive back to the church which is 15 minutes from OP's home. So basically OP would be making a 2 hour round trip for her hair and makeup instead of getting it done close to home which would save her time.

But sister isn't rude to ask- it's fairly common for everyone to get dolled up together, and in this case sisters house is close by for the rest of the party. While I don't think it would be rude to opt out of that part of the festivities, I'd be a bit sad if my sister missed the pre-wedding preening. Depending on the wait time between the preening and the wedding, it might be a time where the bride is super jittery and needs all the support she can get.


Hmmmmm

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #69 on: April 30, 2013, 04:43:30 PM »
$150 for both a formal hairstyle and makeup, especially if the stylist is making a housecall to do it, is very reasonable in Australia. It's still a lot of money to pay, but not a lot to charge.

The other thing is, that part of the photographer's package is often that they come to the bride's 'getting ready place' and take photos of the dress before it goes on, bridesmaids putting the veil on, girls together, getting into the wedding cars etc.

I was checking on prices of onsite hair and makeup in our US city recently.  They averaged around $60 for bridesmaid hairstyling and $70 for makeup. With tip for both stylist, I can easily see it coming to $150.

In my limited experience, the bride either notifies the BM's early in the planning that she wants professional hair and makeup so the BM's can budget or she pays for it her self. If this is a last minute decision, I think it is fair to opt out.

WillyNilly

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #70 on: April 30, 2013, 05:00:21 PM »
$150 for both a formal hairstyle and makeup, especially if the stylist is making a housecall to do it, is very reasonable in Australia. It's still a lot of money to pay, but not a lot to charge.

The other thing is, that part of the photographer's package is often that they come to the bride's 'getting ready place' and take photos of the dress before it goes on, bridesmaids putting the veil on, girls together, getting into the wedding cars etc.

I was checking on prices of onsite hair and makeup in our US city recently.  They averaged around $60 for bridesmaid hairstyling and $70 for makeup. With tip for both stylist, I can easily see it coming to $150.

In my limited experience, the bride either notifies the BM's early in the planning that she wants professional hair and makeup so the BM's can budget or she pays for it her self. If this is a last minute decision, I think it is fair to opt out.

On page 3, the OP tells us this will all be happening in August, so 3+ months from now.

citadelle

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #71 on: April 30, 2013, 07:41:02 PM »
This may not work with your kids, but could the bridal party get ready at your place, OP?

Sharnita

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #72 on: April 30, 2013, 08:00:33 PM »
This may not work with your kids, but could the bridal party get ready at your place, OP?
 

15 minutes from the church would be nice for the WP.  Dresses would be fresher.  Not sure if it would work but I wondering too.

katycoo

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #73 on: April 30, 2013, 08:30:43 PM »
I am unclear if having hair and makeup done close to home would add up to $150, though. Maybe part of the reason she would be willing to pay for ot close to home os because it is more afforfable there.

In Australia, yes.  That sounds very normal to me.

camlan

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Re: Sister's Wedding Rudeness
« Reply #74 on: April 30, 2013, 08:39:13 PM »
The way I'm reading this, the bride-to-be asked her sister to come to her house the morning of the wedding *and* planned ahead by requesting that their father pick up the OP and do the driving, leaving the OP's DH to follow later in their car with the children. I get the feeling the OP doesn't approve of having her father do the driving, but that's not the point.

Seems to me that the bride did take into consideration the distance and the fact the OP's family has only one car. I don't think we should consider her inconsiderate for that.

Whether the OP wants to give up a large part of the day to getting her hair done and watching the other bridal party members get their hair done is another issue, as is the cost. The BFing baby is probably the biggest issue, and is, to me, a reasonable excuse for not spending the morning at the bride's house.

But I don't think we should consider the bride rude or inconsiderate or unfeeling for wanting her big sister around while she's getting ready for her wedding day, or for making plans to have their father drive said big sister to her house.

(And if it were my father, he'd have been happy to escape the madness for a couple of hours, and delighted to have an hour to talk to his daughter all alone in the car without distractions. But fathers, as with everything else, may vary.)
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