OP, I can only speak to the getting ready with the bride part. Your sister did this for you, and while i know her responsibilities werent the same then as yours are now,I dont see this as unreasonable. Im betting she has fond memories of getting ready with you and your other sister on her wedding day and wants to have some of that for herself.
I'd have been very hurt if my bridesmaids told me they wanted to get ready at their places. The getting ready part was really important to me, as it was a bonding experience and a last girly morning before I was married. My best friends, my mom and my Hubbys sister were all there to help me and to share with me. now my SIL was a bit of a pill, but it was the bringing of families together.
a few months later when my MOH got married she wanted all six girls (bms and bride) to spend the night together and then the morning of. this was not idea for me, as I dont sleep well on floors or air mattresses, but because its what she wanted we all did it. we rented a honeymoon room at a local hotel, and split the cost 5 ways. the bride wanted it, but it was our job as bridesmaids to give it to her.
As far as cost for Hair and Make up, we were all told the price in advance. we knew what we were getting into financially for the bride, and we all had the option to opt out from the get go.
OP please consider doing this for your sister, I know it wont be easy for you, but it would be a kindness to her. As far as your dad getting ready with her, I didnt see my Dad until it was time for photos before the wedding. He got ready at his house, I got ready at Moms.