Sister's Wedding Rudeness -Update #104, #122

[Addy]

Won't the breastfeeding baby be almost 2 by this time? OP, how often does the baby nurse? When mine were that age, they only nursed morning and night. Could the baby be away from you for the morning?

[LifeOnPluto]

Won't the breastfeeding baby be almost 2 by this time? OP, how often does the baby nurse? When mine were that age, they only nursed morning and night. Could the baby be away from you for the morning?

This was going to be my question too. Will the breastfeeding two-year-old be ok going a few hours without your milk?

If not, could you take the bf-ing baby with you to your sister's house, and leave your older two children with your husband?

And I also agree that in Australia, $150 for hair and make-up before a wedding is a very reasonable price.

[StarFaerie]

I thought the hang up was driving to sisters home, which is pretty far from OP's home, just to turn around and drive back to the church which is 15 minutes from OP's home. So basically OP would be making a 2 hour round trip for her hair and makeup instead of getting it done close to home which would save her time.

But sister isn't rude to ask- it's fairly common for everyone to get dolled up together, and in this case sisters house is close by for the rest of the party. While I don't think it would be rude to opt out of that part of the festivities, I'd be a bit sad if my sister missed the pre-wedding preening. Depending on the wait time between the preening and the wedding, it might be a time where the bride is super jittery and needs all the support she can get.

The thing I don't get though is that the OP is going to have to go to her sister's house anyway to get in the wedding cars to take her to the church, so the driving there will have to be done at some time. In Australia, the bridal party travel together to the church generally as there is nowhere in the church for them to meet up before going down the aisle. They get out of the cars, line up and start the processional. Unless she is expecting the wedding cars to detour to pick her up.

[kudeebee]

I thought the hang up was driving to sisters home, which is pretty far from OP's home, just to turn around and drive back to the church which is 15 minutes from OP's home. So basically OP would be making a 2 hour round trip for her hair and makeup instead of getting it done close to home which would save her time.

But sister isn't rude to ask- it's fairly common for everyone to get dolled up together, and in this case sisters house is close by for the rest of the party. While I don't think it would be rude to opt out of that part of the festivities, I'd be a bit sad if my sister missed the pre-wedding preening. Depending on the wait time between the preening and the wedding, it might be a time where the bride is super jittery and needs all the support she can get.

The thing I don't get though is that the OP is going to have to go to her sister's house anyway to get in the wedding cars to take her to the church, so the driving there will have to be done at some time. In Australia, the bridal party travel together to the church generally as there is nowhere in the church for them to meet up before going down the aisle. They get out of the cars, line up and start the processional. Unless she is expecting the wedding cars to detour to pick her up.

Can't she meet them at the church, out in front?  Seems silly to drive all the way to her parent's house simply to ride almost all the way back.

[TootsNYC]

Yeah, I don't think there's any actual requirement to ride in the limo. It's just there because it's easier, that's all. It's not some wedding ritual.

[StarFaerie]

Yeah, I don't think there's any actual requirement to ride in the limo. It's just there because it's easier, that's all. It's not some wedding ritual.

It pretty much is in Australia. Normally photos are taken of each bridemaid and then the bride exiting the wedding cars. The cars are specially chosen and hired and are often not a single limo, but rolls royces and the like.

One of my bridesmaids was dropped off at my house just for the ride to the wedding in the wedding car. It was my little sister and Dad drove from the hotel near the church, to my house to drop her off, then back to the church with the remainder of the family. There was never any question of doing it another way as she wasn't getting ready with me and the MOH. I think everyone would have found it very odd for her to make her own way there.

I thought the hang up was driving to sisters home, which is pretty far from OP's home, just to turn around and drive back to the church which is 15 minutes from OP's home. So basically OP would be making a 2 hour round trip for her hair and makeup instead of getting it done close to home which would save her time.

But sister isn't rude to ask- it's fairly common for everyone to get dolled up together, and in this case sisters house is close by for the rest of the party. While I don't think it would be rude to opt out of that part of the festivities, I'd be a bit sad if my sister missed the pre-wedding preening. Depending on the wait time between the preening and the wedding, it might be a time where the bride is super jittery and needs all the support she can get.

The thing I don't get though is that the OP is going to have to go to her sister's house anyway to get in the wedding cars to take her to the church, so the driving there will have to be done at some time. In Australia, the bridal party travel together to the church generally as there is nowhere in the church for them to meet up before going down the aisle. They get out of the cars, line up and start the processional. Unless she is expecting the wedding cars to detour to pick her up.

Can't she meet them at the church, out in front?  Seems silly to drive all the way to her parent's house simply to ride almost all the way back.

What is she going to do at the church though? Wait around in the parking lot and then jump in the car for her photo? I would find that a bit weird to see a bridemaid just standing around waiting for the bride to turn up. And what if it's raining?

[lowspark]

It seems to me that if the only issue was riding in the limo with the rest of the bridal party, the logistics of that could probably be worked out. Maybe she could wait in her car with her family a few blocks from the church and meet up with the limo so that she would be in the car as it actually drove up to the church. Or whatever.

But the OP didn't even really mention that as being one of the issues. It was more about how to get to the sister's house for the make up & hair session with only one car available to the OP and her husband and three kids.

I'd still like to know if the MIL can help out since she's taking the kids home directly after the ceremony anyway. It seems like MIL is somehow equipped to transport the kids so getting them (and OP's husband) to the ceremony in addition to taking them away from the ceremony shouldn't be all that much of a stretch.

[cutejellybeen]

OP, I can only speak to the getting ready with the bride part. Your sister did this for you, and while i know her responsibilities werent the same then as yours are now,I dont see this as unreasonable. Im betting she has fond memories of getting ready with you and your other sister on her wedding day and wants to have some of that for herself.

I'd have been very hurt if my bridesmaids told me they wanted to get ready at their places.  The getting ready part was really important to me, as it was a bonding experience and a last girly morning before I was married. My best friends, my mom and my Hubbys sister were all there to help me and to share with me. now my SIL was a bit of a pill, but it was the bringing of families together.

a few months later when my MOH got married she wanted all six girls (bms and bride) to spend the night together and then the morning of. this was not idea for me, as I dont sleep well on floors or air mattresses, but because its what she wanted we all did it. we rented a honeymoon room at a local hotel, and split the cost 5 ways. the bride wanted it, but it was our job as bridesmaids to give it to her.

As far as cost for Hair and Make up, we were all told the price in advance. we knew what we were getting into financially for the bride, and we all had the option to opt out from the get go.

OP please consider doing this for your sister, I know it wont be easy for you, but it would be a kindness to her. As far as your dad getting ready with her, I didnt see my Dad until it was time for photos before the wedding. He got ready at his house, I got ready at Moms.

[sparksals]

OP, I can only speak to the getting ready with the bride part. Your sister did this for you, and while i know her responsibilities werent the same then as yours are now,I dont see this as unreasonable. Im betting she has fond memories of getting ready with you and your other sister on her wedding day and wants to have some of that for herself.

I'd have been very hurt if my bridesmaids told me they wanted to get ready at their places.  The getting ready part was really important to me, as it was a bonding experience and a last girly morning before I was married. My best friends, my mom and my Hubbys sister were all there to help me and to share with me. now my SIL was a bit of a pill, but it was the bringing of families together.

a few months later when my MOH got married she wanted all six girls (bms and bride) to spend the night together and then the morning of. this was not idea for me, as I dont sleep well on floors or air mattresses, but because its what she wanted we all did it. we rented a honeymoon room at a local hotel, and split the cost 5 ways. the bride wanted it, but it was our job as bridesmaids to give it to her.

As far as cost for Hair and Make up, we were all told the price in advance. we knew what we were getting into financially for the bride, and we all had the option to opt out from the get go.

OP please consider doing this for your sister, I know it wont be easy for you, but it would be a kindness to her. As far as your dad getting ready with her, I didnt see my Dad until it was time for photos before the wedding. He got ready at his house, I got ready at Moms.

I think the bolded are the most important points.

[*inviteseller]

OP, I can only speak to the getting ready with the bride part. Your sister did this for you, and while i know her responsibilities werent the same then as yours are now,I dont see this as unreasonable. Im betting she has fond memories of getting ready with you and your other sister on her wedding day and wants to have some of that for herself.

I'd have been very hurt if my bridesmaids told me they wanted to get ready at their places.  The getting ready part was really important to me, as it was a bonding experience and a last girly morning before I was married. My best friends, my mom and my Hubbys sister were all there to help me and to share with me. now my SIL was a bit of a pill, but it was the bringing of families together.

a few months later when my MOH got married she wanted all six girls (bms and bride) to spend the night together and then the morning of. this was not idea for me, as I dont sleep well on floors or air mattresses, but because its what she wanted we all did it. we rented a honeymoon room at a local hotel, and split the cost 5 ways. the bride wanted it, but it was our job as bridesmaids to give it to her.

As far as cost for Hair and Make up, we were all told the price in advance. we knew what we were getting into financially for the bride, and we all had the option to opt out from the get go.

OP please consider doing this for your sister, I know it wont be easy for you, but it would be a kindness to her. As far as your dad getting ready with her, I didnt see my Dad until it was time for photos before the wedding. He got ready at his house, I got ready at Moms.

Just because a bride wants something, it is not the job of the bridesmaids to make her every wish and dream come true.  The bride has to have realistic expectations when inviting people to be a part of the wedding party that they may not have the exorbitant amounts of cash to throw the bridal shower/bacherlorette  party the bride wants, they may live too far away to constantly be waiting on the bride leading up to the wedding, they may have partners and kids whose comfort and well being come before the brides needs and expectations.  You give as much as you can (make sure you get you dress and shoes in a timely manner, keep all appointments you agree to, help the bride to what level you can), but the bride cannot demand (and I don't care if it is a relative, your best friend, or whatever) that you give up your life (and money) to cater to her wishes.  I was in 2 weddings that both brides understood that we all had jobs, families, limited funds) and while we all worked together to make sure we had everything done that we needed to do and everyone was happy.  The bridesmaids did not feel like indentured servants, the bride enjoyed a great relationship with no drama with the wedding party.  The 3rd wedding I was asked to be in ruined a friendship because demands were made that I, living 5 hours away, could not keep up with. 

[Surianne]

Inviteseller, all the bride is asking for is that the OP be there to get ready with her a few hours in advance.  The bride has even worked out transportation.  I really don't think that's giving up the OP's  life to cater to the bride's wishes.  I agree the $150 is a lot, but we don't even know if the bride has demanded it -- it's very possible that if the OP says "I can't swing $150, may I join you and do my own hair and makeup?" her sister would be 100% fine with it.  It really sounds like having the OP there is the most important part to her.

[TootsNYC]

the bride wanted it, but it was our job as bridesmaids to give it to her.

I don't agree with this word. I think "gift" is a better word. And if I were close enough to someone to be in their wedding party, I would absolutely want to give that gift to someone. I'd consider it a bit of an honor to give them that gift.

However,  also suspect that cutejellybean means "job" as in "obligation assigned by the universe, to create as many wonderful memories and fulfill as many wishes for the bride as we can." (meaning of "can" = "are able to")

[MummyPumpkin83]

So the plan as I have been told is that my dad will leave to pick me up while my sister and the other 4 bridesmaids are having their turn at getting hair and makeup done. I will be last on the list. So I guess it will be turn up, get my hair and make up done, then we'll all put our dresses on (or they may already have their dresses on). Have some photos, get in the cars and go.

The issue with my MIL taking DH and kids to the church is that our car would then be at my parents house (assuming my parents go in the bridal party transport which they did for my wedding) and we would have to go back there at some point to collect it before we could get home.

I offered to print the invitations for the kitchen tea. My other sister and MOH are the "hosts" (their names and numbers are on the invitation for RSVPs). I've just received the document - wording is ...

"we would love to help (DSis) set up her kitchen with Tupperware, instead of bringing gifts please consider brining some cash to put in (DSis)'s wish box so she can purchase Tupperware on the day. Or you might want to place an order for your favourite piece of Tupperware for her as a gift! All Personal purchases will contribute to (DSis)'s hosts gifts, feel free to bring orders from friends to help out too!"

She had originally wanted to invite 50 people, however has been told to cut the guest list to 30 as our middle sister is hosting at her house.
any suggestions on ways to amend the wording so its not such a blatant gift grab?

Edited to add all the wording from the invite.

[delabela]

I applaud you for making the accommodations to be there on the wedding morning.

[MummyPumpkin83]

Also re: nursing baby
yes he will be 23 months. So not nursing often.
I work part-time and he is fine at daycare, just morning and night feeds. When I am home he feeds more often.