General Etiquette > Family and Children

Ladies, I need your advice!

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KristinS81:
Hey ladies- This is my first time on this board and I need your help! I never thought I would have to post anything like this, but I need some unbiased opinions. Here is my deal and I apologize for the long rant:

So my brother started dating this girl about 2 and a half years ago and they ended up getting engaged. Since they started dating, I have probably only have been around her less than 15 times. She seemed ok, but something seemed off about her. I just chalked it up to me being a protective older sister, and I tried to keep an open mind. However, as soon as my brother "put a ring on it", her true colors have shown, and I feel as if my gut feelings are coming true.

Last September, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Her bridal party includes her cousin (MOH), and all her best friends. I felt flattered that she asked, because like I said, we don't know each other like that. I thought it was a gracious offer. I have never been in a wedding party as an adult, and by January, there had been no communication between the bridal party. I emailed the MOH to say hi, and explain that my budget for the bridal shower was $150, as my long term boyfriend and myself are in the house hunt. She never got back to me. Then in late February, the MOH sent out a group email to the BP and said that she booked the venue and needed $250 from each girl! WHAT?! Luckily, two of the other BMs spoke up, and said that they could not afford that. They also pointed out that if we were expected to contribute monetarily, we needed to be involved in the planning. I was relieved they said something, because I am the odd-ball out and didn't want to cause any waves. The MOH was heated and snapped back that she did not know how she was supposed to plan a shower on less. We all agreed on $150, and the MOH's and bride's grandmother covered the rest of the shower.

A few months ago, my brother's fiance texted me and said that the bachelorette party would be a certain weekend at the beginning of the summer. I said that it would be fine, but I immediately texted back and said that was actually the my first day of my week vacay that I already booked (I travel for work on Saturdays, so I got my dates confused). She seemed not happy, but again, not trying to cause problems I said I would try to make something work. There was talk that the b-party destination was actually 15 minutes from where I am vacationing. I was thrilled because then I could do both. Cut to two weeks ago, the MOH announced that the b-party was switched to somewhere 4 hours away from where I was staying. I told her I would not be able to stay the night and I would try to make it to the daytime festivities. Literally 20 minutes later, my brother's fiance texted me a novel chewing me out. She said that I didn't give a sh*t about her wedding and that I've had issues with it from the beginning. That I was not contributing enough and that if it was "my best friend's or sister's wedding, I would be spending more time and money to make sure everything was perfect". I responded in an adult manner stating that I have NO idea where she got that impression from and I was really taken aback by her text. I also told her that if she has a problem with me, then please call me instead of texing and I would be happy to have a conversation with her. She just replied back that what I was telling her wasn't matching up with what "she's been hearing from others" and that she doesn't believe I've been trying hard enough.

So now I'm pissed, and I really don't know what to do from here. I have a feeling that the MOH has been talking trash and trying to pin all the BP drama on me. I really don't want to go to the b-party because, honestly, I don't feel comfortable. Not only that, but I don't have the financial means to drive there, drive to my vacation, and pay for my week vacation. I feel like this is just the tip of the drama to come. What would you guys do?

jaxsue:
If it were me, I'd graciously (not dramatically) opt out of the bridal party. The breaking point would be the insistence that I spend money, money that is out of your budget, on this event.

I hope things go better between you and the bride-to-be in the future, but if this is an omen of things to come,  :-\.

siamesecat2965:
Honestly, if it were me, and I thought I could do so without making too many wavies with my brother and rest of the family, I'd simply politely bow out of being IN the wedding. She sounds like quite the bridezilla, and quite entitled.

And the fact the MOH didn't respond to your initial email re: the shower, and then basically demanded all the bridal party chip in x dollars, would make me quite angry.

I think you handled the b-party issue well too; you told her initially you would be on vacation, but would see what you could do. But when it moved 4 hours away, you did nothing wrong in declining to stay over. I probably would have just said sorry, I thought it was going to be in the 15 minute away location, but now that' its 4 hours, I won't be able to make it. And also asking her to call so you could talk to her personally was fine too.

But with all this drama, if it were me, I'd probalby decline altogether to be IN the actual wedding, as to me, it would not be worth it. If she's being like this now, I can only imagine what the actual wedding will bring.

Kaypeep:

--- Quote from: siamesecat2965 on April 30, 2013, 12:05:34 PM ---Honestly, if it were me, and I thought I could do so without making too many wavies with my brother and rest of the family, I'd simply politely bow out of being IN the wedding. She sounds like quite the bridezilla, and quite entitled.

And the fact the MOH didn't respond to your initial email re: the shower, and then basically demanded all the bridal party chip in x dollars, would make me quite angry.

I think you handled the b-party issue well too; you told her initially you would be on vacation, but would see what you could do. But when it moved 4 hours away, you did nothing wrong in declining to stay over. I probably would have just said sorry, I thought it was going to be in the 15 minute away location, but now that' its 4 hours, I won't be able to make it. And also asking her to call so you could talk to her personally was fine too.

But with all this drama, if it were me, I'd probalby decline altogether to be IN the actual wedding, as to me, it would not be worth it. If she's being like this now, I can only imagine what the actual wedding will bring.

--- End quote ---

This.  Get out now and save your sanity.  If you stay she will probably still be a drama queen and find problems with you and make you miserable.  If you leave she might whine and be miserable but at least you won't spend your time and money trying to please her.  Call your brother and tell him what you're going to do.  Be polite and non-confrontational.  Play dumb and just say "I don't know what has caused these feelings with your BTB, but I think it's best I step down from the bridal party and just attend as a guest.  I don't want to add to her stress levels and the few interactions I've had with her MOH have not gone as expected and I don't want more problems down the road.  I love you, and I stand by you on your wedding day. But I'm afraid I can't stand as part of the bridal party."

LeveeWoman:
I agree with the others in that I'd drop out of the wedding party.

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