General Etiquette > Family and Children

Ladies, I need your advice!

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I'd also drop out.

This much drama belongs in a middle-school auditorium, not in adult relationships.

I'd have a conversation with your brother in which I made it clear how much I love him, and how happy I am for him, and how much I want his wedding to be a special day. Then I'd tell him that since it seems that his bride isn't happy with me, I'll need to drop out of the wedding.

gramma dishes:
Add my name to the list of those who think it may be time to politely drop out of the wedding party. 

What everyone else has said.

Tell your brother that you are really looking forward to his wedding and are very happy for him, hope he has a great time, and all the rest. Explain how you want to support him and his fiance, and explain matter-of-factly and without any judgement whatsoever that it seems that her and your expectations are quite different, so it's become apparent that you can better support him and save her from grief by dropping out of a role that it now appears you can't fill.

Don't make it long, and stick to a neutral explanation if pressed, such as that your expectations and hers don't match, and that it would be unfair of you to commit to something you know you can't meet. Repeat if necessary. Don't go into specifics, whatever you do. The last thing you need at this stage is a big ugly stain on your relationship with a woman you'll have to be spending a lot of time around in the future. Just bite your tongue and keep things neutral and civil.

I agree--get out of the bridal party ASAP.  If you think it will make things a little less bumpy, you might say something like "I just know I can't do what I should to fulfill my duties as a bridesmaid, and I don't want to disappoint you" rather than the truth of "You are a bridezilla and your crazy MOH of trying to bleed me dry."  Maybe you could offer to do something on the day of the wedding--take charge of the gift table or guestbook or something along that line. 


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