Missing Wedding Invites and the Refusal to Communicate Update#20

[Yarnspinner]

...or why I may not quit my job and move in with my family any time soon. Or Ever.

There are some etiquette questions buried in here.  I am going to try and keep it concise, but we all know my mouth runneth over in these cases; I want to get all the pertinent info in, so bear with me...

Background:

a) Cousin Cleo is getting married the end of June
b) Her future mother-in-law decided SHE would create and send out the invitations
c) Cousin Cleo's parents, Nefertiri and Tut are paying for everything and no one is keeping them in the information loop
d) Cleo and her future MIL are both, how shall we say, on the flakey side of disorganization.
e) My brother's family (which includes my Dad) moved last year and didn't bother to send out change of address notices for some inexplicable reason.
f) Cleo's MIL, from what I got from my Cousin Tut, decided to send one invite per household and sent my father a save the date card at his old address...back in Autumn  of 2012.  If she sent one to my brother and his wife and their kids, it never made it.  Dad did not receive HIS save the date card until february of this year and it looked as though it had been through a war. 
g) Similarly, the wedding invite was sent to the old address and showed up about three weeks late to the new address.
h) No card was ever sent to my brother and his wife.
i) Brother and SIL huffed and puffed and wondered if they were invited at all, but would not call Tut or Nefertiri even after Tut made a comment on email wondering where their acceptance card was.
j) I finally called Tut and asked which was probably bad etiquette, but I couldn't keep answering questions I didn't know the answers to.  He was horrified and told me the story I related above about Cleo's future MIL screwing up the invitations.  (He told me that several of Cleo's friends and her fiance's friends and relatives on both sides of the family had to be called and told they were invited because MIL apparently lost some of the addresses and didn't have enough invitations to send.

And now we are about two months from the wedding and the return cards were due yesterday and my Dad still hasn't sent his because he can't find it and Brother and SIL haven't responded because they didn't get an invite and SIL is insulted and doesn't think they are invited.  So, to resolve the situation, they did what they always do and....called me again because I know so much about what's going on (end sarcasm).

I recited everything I just wrote above, indicated that Tut and Nefertiri had told me a dozen times that they were invited and to for heaven's sake send them and email RIGHT NOW saying they were driving up for the wedding. 

At this point SIL reveals that SHE has my father's return card and is going to write that all of them are coming and finished with "I won't be embarrassed because it's not my family and if there's no table for us, we'll just drink all night."  My brother started cussing at her and I finally got myself off the phone so they could argue with each other.  (There's more going on but that's another story for another time.)

The place which causes me to want to ask a question of the hellions:  when I last spoke to him (several weeks ago) Tut said he didn't have a clue if kids were invited as they had been going around on it and it wasn't printed on the invitations.  He thought that Cleo didn't want to have children there.  But he wasn't sure.  (It was at this point he further revealed that , thanks to Cleo's and MIL's lack of foresight, they nearly didn't have a cake or a caterer as they waited so long, all the caterers they wanted were booked for that weekend.) 

The question:  my SIL and brother were so snarly with each other I decided not to bring up AT ALL the whole question about whether or not children were invited.  Should I have mentioned it?  I really want to sleep tonight and the outburst this would have brought on (from my SIL who had a chilod free wedding herself) would have made me sick to my stomach.

The other question:  should I get in touch with Nefertiri and Tut and let them know that the younger Yarnspinner Cousins are coming to the wedding?

Any thoughts gratefully received.  As for me, I was excited about this wedding and was also feeling rather positive about the notion of retiring the end of the year and moving down south to be with the family...and right now, I am remembering why I can only stand being around them for a short while.  Maybe I will join a nice convent instead......

Thanks guys, for your always wise suggestions......

[VorFemme]

This was posted before Yarnspinner realized that an early draft got the thread started - title was changed and subject proved to have been OTHER than work. (Note that the title on this one post is not the same as some of the other posts).

But since my reply (below) has been referenced by Yarnspinner (next post) - I don't feel that I can delete it without things looking even odder.  But - for once - the crazy isn't all happening at the library for Yarnspinner.

She may have to retire and get a job running a library for a cruise ship or something, just to give her an excuse NOT to be around either her old job or her family for a while......she's on the ship and incommunicado while they are at sea!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Has Stonecold upped the crazy?

Coming in in costume as an anime or comic book character is about the only way that I can see things getting worse.....

Unless it's wearing a gun and thinking she's Annie Oakley from "Annie Get Your Gun".......

Or possibly the green witch from Wicked......

I'd be willing to bet that she can't sing.

[Yarnspinner]

Sorry guys...the thread decided to save itself before I got it properly titled and written....I am having no luck tonight.  But as for Stonecold, Vorfemme, she is always upping the ante.....I will have to tell the story of Stoney and the bathroom passes over on the All In A Day's Work column. 

[katycoo]

Here's what I'd do (and only to try to stop everyone from calling me).

Call Cleo.  Tell her that X and Y have not received any invitation, but Tut has said they should have.  You have no idea who is invited but in case this is the situation, please someone send them an email inviting them and with the details.  If they are not invited, someone should call/email Tut to tell him to stop inviting people.

[Yarnspinner]

Here's what I'd do (and only to try to stop everyone from calling me).

Call Cleo.  Tell her that X and Y have not received any invitation, but Tut has said they should have.  You have no idea who is invited but in case this is the situation, please someone send them an email inviting them and with the details.  If they are not invited, someone should call/email Tut to tell him to stop inviting people.

Cleo may be getting a call, but her father is definitely not inviting people who weren't invited.  Cleo asked me for their address, which, at the time was their old residence.  Her future MIL is, for reasons no one can ascertain, forgetting to invite the people whose addresses she requested.  One of Cleo's fiance's best friends didn't get an invite and another found himself invited but not his wife.  Cleo's parents (who are footing the bill) didn't get an invite.  It's as if MIL lost half the list or just ran out of invitations and didn't feel like making more.  It's not like she decided to drop half the guest list because she couldn't afford to have a big party because she's not the one paying for it...

My big worry is the whole "kids or no kids" thing.  I dread the notion of my niece walking in and everyone staring daggers at her because they were told not to bring their kids.  But--since there was no "no children" written on the invitation, no one knows if this is the case or not.

I really can't wait for July.

[katycoo]

Here's what I'd do (and only to try to stop everyone from calling me).

Call Cleo.  Tell her that X and Y have not received any invitation, but Tut has said they should have.  You have no idea who is invited but in case this is the situation, please someone send them an email inviting them and with the details.  If they are not invited, someone should call/email Tut to tell him to stop inviting people.

Cleo may be getting a call, but her father is definitely not inviting people who weren't invited.  Cleo asked me for their address, which, at the time was their old residence.  Her future MIL is, for reasons no one can ascertain, forgetting to invite the people whose addresses she requested.  One of Cleo's fiance's best friends didn't get an invite and another found himself invited but not his wife.  Cleo's parents (who are footing the bill) didn't get an invite.  It's as if MIL lost half the list or just ran out of invitations and didn't feel like making more.  It's not like she decided to drop half the guest list because she couldn't afford to have a big party because she's not the one paying for it...

My big worry is the whole "kids or no kids" thing.  I dread the notion of my niece walking in and everyone staring daggers at her because they were told not to bring their kids.  But--since there was no "no children" written on the invitation, no one knows if this is the case or not.

I really can't wait for July.

I realise that but I find it safer to play dumb when involving yourself so it looks like you're not sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong.

[kudeebee]

Honestly, I would stay out of it from now on. It isn't your problem.  It is between Cleo and her parents and your brother and family.

SIL has the response card and said that she was going to fill it in "that all of them were coming".  So when Cleo gets the card, it is up to her to handle the situation. If you get more calls/emails from them, tell them to contact Cleo directly and ask her.

[Last_Dance]

Honestly, I would stay out of it from now on. It isn't your problem.  It is between Cleo and her parents and your brother and family.

POD!

[peaches]

Honestly, I would stay out of it from now on. It isn't your problem.  It is between Cleo and her parents and your brother and family.

I agree. The wedding couple, and their parents, are responsible for arrangements.

I would back out, and if asked questions, suggest that people contact the bride and groom-to-be.

[oogyda]

Honestly, I would stay out of it from now on. It isn't your problem.  It is between Cleo and her parents and your brother and family.

I agree. The wedding couple, and their parents, are responsible for arrangements.

I would back out, and if asked questions, suggest that people contact the bride and groom-to-be.

Exactly.

[Giggity]

Has Stonecold upped the crazy?

Coming in in costume as an anime or comic book character is about the only way that I can see things getting worse.....

Unless it's wearing a gun and thinking she's Annie Oakley from "Annie Get Your Gun".......

Or possibly the green witch from Wicked......

I'd be willing to bet that she can't sing.

I don't think this involves Yarnspinner's boss?

[cross_patch]

Has Stonecold upped the crazy?

Coming in in costume as an anime or comic book character is about the only way that I can see things getting worse.....

Unless it's wearing a gun and thinking she's Annie Oakley from "Annie Get Your Gun".......

Or possibly the green witch from Wicked......

I'd be willing to bet that she can't sing.

I don't think this involves Yarnspinner's boss?

Yeah, I feel like I missed something!

[Moray]

Has Stonecold upped the crazy?

Coming in in costume as an anime or comic book character is about the only way that I can see things getting worse.....

Unless it's wearing a gun and thinking she's Annie Oakley from "Annie Get Your Gun".......

Or possibly the green witch from Wicked......

I'd be willing to bet that she can't sing.

I don't think this involves Yarnspinner's boss?

Yeah, I feel like I missed something!

I must have missed something, too...sounds like it has nothing to do with work at all.

Yarnspinner, I think you need to stay completely out of this. Although your intentions are good, it sounds like the situation doesn't need any more cooks in the kitchen

[Yarnspinner]

Vorfemme was responding to what I was starting to type up when I hit the "save" button by accident and the message that was saved said something like "Well, this is why, if I can retire, I have no intention of moving in with my family..."   The original title was "Why Can't YOU Pick Up The Phone?" which is why everyone's message (but mine) reads "Why CAN".  I'd like to blame it on arthritis, but I think it's more like I was distracted!

Thanks for everyone's ideas.  I think I am going to leave this alone.  My family (particularly my otherwise organized and on the details SIL) behaves like the stereotyical man who is hopelessly lost but won't stop and ask directions because HE KNOWS what's going on!  My SIL really wants to believe they were left out of the invite list and will NOT believe otherwise.  (They both complain that my cousins never call them or come to visit and sputtered a lot when I asked "Well, do you ever call THEM?"  Seriously, I wanted to move down south to be with them, but withouit friends and a support group, I don't want to be at their mercy.

[JenJay]

Honestly, I would stay out of it from now on. It isn't your problem.  It is between Cleo and her parents and your brother and family.

SIL has the response card and said that she was going to fill it in "that all of them were coming".  So when Cleo gets the card, it is up to her to handle the situation. If you get more calls/emails from them, tell them to contact Cleo directly and ask her.

Yep!