Author Topic: Dear Prudence 5/13 - An unforeseen hazard of g[color=black]ay[/color] marriage, I guess  (Read 5332 times)

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Virg

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photochick wrote:

"Think about this: I go out for my birth day. The restaurant brings out a free dessert for my birthday, and because I'm such an awesome person/just spent a lot of money/whatever, they bring a second for my boyfriend. Do I (a) eat my dessert and let my boyfriend eat the other, or (b) eat my dessert and box the other to take home cause it's my birthday.  Of course I (and I assume everyone else) choose A. I think choosing B, shows the person to be selfish and I this could be the only selfish thing the woman does or it could be a symptom of a big problem."

It's even worse than that.  Imagine that your scenario happens, but it also happens that you and your boyfriend have the same birthday so the second piece is to celebrate his birthday.  That's what makes it so obvious that it's a matter of disrespect.

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VorFemme

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I'd only give Mom A a pass on the desserts if it was something that Mom B couldn't or wouldn't eat (diabetic or offered something that they were NOT going to enjoy eating - whether an allergy or just a distaste for that flavor).  But I'd expect Mom B to speak up if it was a dessert that SHE wanted to eat and to say something about "so, what am I?  Chopped liver?" or the equivalent phrasing to her partner.
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LilacGirl1983

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I would have been upset if I was mother A as well..I agree it is disrespectful and mother A needs to sit down talk to mother B.. I don't know a lot about L and G partnerships so take this with a grain of salt...but why couldn't they decide that Mothers day A gets to be treated and Father's day B be treated..that way they both get treated equally..I think someone told me that there tends to be a more "male" role and "Female" role in the relationship..so maybe go that route so both parties get treated..or make the day about both of them if they both want the same day? Maybe Mother B picks special breakfast and A picks special Supper or something like that..I think a lot of communication needs to be done between the couple.

Cz. Burrito

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I would have been upset if I was mother A as well..I agree it is disrespectful and mother A needs to sit down talk to mother B.. I don't know a lot about L and G partnerships so take this with a grain of salt...but why couldn't they decide that Mothers day A gets to be treated and Father's day B be treated..that way they both get treated equally..I think someone told me that there tends to be a more "male" role and "Female" role in the relationship..so maybe go that route so both parties get treated..or make the day about both of them if they both want the same day? Maybe Mother B picks special breakfast and A picks special Supper or something like that..I think a lot of communication needs to be done between the couple.

I considered that for a second, and then remembered how much special treatment people who appear to be mothers (female with children) and father (male with children) get on their respective holiday. Whoever "got" Mother's Day would get the bonus special treatment, like the free dessert or similar.  I think your latter suggestion is a good way to go about celebrating both mothers on Mothers' Day.  But, of course, that depends on the one partner treating the other with respect and acknowledging her role as co-parent.  >:(

ettiquit

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I'd only give Mom A a pass on the desserts if it was something that Mom B couldn't or wouldn't eat (diabetic or offered something that they were NOT going to enjoy eating - whether an allergy or just a distaste for that flavor).  But I'd expect Mom B to speak up if it was a dessert that SHE wanted to eat and to say something about "so, what am I?  Chopped liver?" or the equivalent phrasing to her partner.

It is actually kind of odd how passive Mom B appears to be.  Why wouldn't she speak up?

Jocelyn

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I would have been upset if I was mother A as well..I agree it is disrespectful and mother A needs to sit down talk to mother B.. I don't know a lot about L and G partnerships so take this with a grain of salt...but why couldn't they decide that Mothers day A gets to be treated and Father's day B be treated..
Except that mother B is not a father.  In this case, A gets all the perks of being the mother, and B is expected to be content with pretending to be something she's not.

Twik

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I would have been upset if I was mother A as well..I agree it is disrespectful and mother A needs to sit down talk to mother B.. I don't know a lot about L and G partnerships so take this with a grain of salt...but why couldn't they decide that Mothers day A gets to be treated and Father's day B be treated..
Except that mother B is not a father.  In this case, A gets all the perks of being the mother, and B is expected to be content with pretending to be something she's not.

Yes. There really isn't a holiday for "the parent who didn't go through labour," which I assume is the reason one partner is assuming she gets *all* the perks of motherhood, and the other partner doesn't.

I have to think that for one parent (whether in a same-sex or mixed-sex marriage) to make a point of implying "parenthood is all about ME!!!!!" is going to hurt the relationship, and shows a lack of sensitivity, at the very least.
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