Author Topic: YOUR girl?  (Read 11362 times)

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snugasabug

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YOUR girl?
« on: May 01, 2013, 07:58:21 AM »
Someone at work repeatedly asks me "When are you going to try for YOUR girl?" 

It annoys me to no end. I love my boys. I have 2. They are 10 and 13. I am not "Trying for a girl" nor do I pine over the fact that I don't have a girl.

I have tried laughing it off.  I've tried "What an interesting assumption..." 

What else can I do??  I hate that she is constantly implying that my family is less than perfect because I don't have a girl. I love my family....just the way it is. Wouldn't trade any of my boys for all of the dresses in the world.


LeveeWoman

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2013, 08:00:42 AM »
Someone at work repeatedly asks me "When are you going to try for YOUR girl?" 

It annoys me to no end. I love my boys. I have 2. They are 10 and 13. I am not "Trying for a girl" nor do I pine over the fact that I don't have a girl.

I have tried laughing it off.  I've tried "What an interesting assumption..." 

What else can I do??  I hate that she is constantly implying that my family is less than perfect because I don't have a girl. I love my family....just the way it is. Wouldn't trade any of my boys for all of the dresses in the world.

I'd ask her "Why do you care?"

Piratelvr1121

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2013, 08:53:34 AM »
Someone at work repeatedly asks me "When are you going to try for YOUR girl?" 

It annoys me to no end. I love my boys. I have 2. They are 10 and 13. I am not "Trying for a girl" nor do I pine over the fact that I don't have a girl.

I have tried laughing it off.  I've tried "What an interesting assumption..." 

What else can I do??  I hate that she is constantly implying that my family is less than perfect because I don't have a girl. I love my family....just the way it is. Wouldn't trade any of my boys for all of the dresses in the world.

As a mother of 3 boys, I've gotten that too.  More even since having my third.  I know it's not etiquette approved, but I'm often tempted to say "Why, are you offering  to support our 4th child for their first 18 years?"

Not that I'd ever get into my reasons with a stranger or even an acquaintance but we just can't afford 4 kids, nor do we have the room.  Truly, any more kids and we'll have to turn our house into The Burrow.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2013, 09:01:10 AM by Piratelvr1121 »
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

bopper

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2013, 09:00:15 AM »
Someone at work repeatedly asks me "When are you going to try for YOUR girl?" 



"When someone hands over enough money for daycare and college?"

Zilla

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2013, 09:07:17 AM »
I wouldn't do that to my boys! 


Or look really puzzled and say, "We have had this conversation a few times before.  I am fine with my boys and do not want to try for a girl."

Piratelvr1121

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2013, 09:11:40 AM »
I once said firmly, "We won't be having another child. We've made sure of that." And a woman said "Well, things happen! It did for me and that's how we had our girl!"  ::)  She was real smug about it too, like she just KNEW we'd end up with a girl.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Luci

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2013, 09:19:44 AM »
"Why would I try for a girl?" Or just a cold look, with warm bean dip.

That is the reason one episode of Home Improvement infuriated me! Jill was longing for a girl and had even made and bought some pink stuff when she was pregnant with the youngest boy. I guess some women feel like that, it seems to be what some people expect, but it goes against the norm of all the people I know.

Our nephew's wife was pregnant with their fourth child after 3 girls, and I did ask Nephew if he was looking for a boy - not in a pitying, longing way, but just teasing. He said that he wouldn't know what to do with a boy, and we had a good laugh. I did have a boy quilt and a girl quilt ready for them (they didn't have or want an ultrasound). The pink one got sent. (But of course, gender neutral would have been fine.)

This conversation has been plaguing couples for centuries. We have a girl and a boy, and honestly, if they had been the same gender, it wouldn't have mattered, and it doesn't make me a superior or happier human being that I have one of each.

ladyknight1

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2013, 09:27:46 AM »
I know how irritating that can be! DS is soon to be 15, and the only way he is having a sibling is if we adopt.

I do know multiple families where the fathers wanted a daughter, so they kept trying until they had one. In one case, each boy had used hand-me-down items exclusively, but the daughter had to have all brand new equipment, even the crib!

Piratelvr1121

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2013, 09:34:49 AM »
"Why would I try for a girl?" Or just a cold look, with warm bean dip.

That is the reason one episode of Home Improvement infuriated me! Jill was longing for a girl and had even made and bought some pink stuff when she was pregnant with the youngest boy. I guess some women feel like that, it seems to be what some people expect, but it goes against the norm of all the people I know.

Our nephew's wife was pregnant with their fourth child after 3 girls, and I did ask Nephew if he was looking for a boy - not in a pitying, longing way, but just teasing. He said that he wouldn't know what to do with a boy, and we had a good laugh. I did have a boy quilt and a girl quilt ready for them (they didn't have or want an ultrasound). The pink one got sent. (But of course, gender neutral would have been fine.)

This conversation has been plaguing couples for centuries. We have a girl and a boy, and honestly, if they had been the same gender, it wouldn't have mattered, and it doesn't make me a superior or happier human being that I have one of each.

I've said that about girls.  Growing up, I had boy cousins, boy neighbors and a younger brother.  At school for a while in elementary school I sat with the boys.  I'm used to boys, even more so now. 

Not that I wouldn't love a girl if I'd had one, but I sure don't feel like I'm missing out.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

JenJay

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2013, 09:47:43 AM »
"Never. I adore my sons and our family is complete."

TurtleDove

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2013, 09:52:38 AM »
Or look really puzzled and say, "We have had this conversation a few times before.  I am fine with my boys and do not want to try for a girl."

I would do this.  I would also do it almost pityingly and laughingly to the woman, like, "Don't you remember?  You have an awful memory!" 

Also, try not to let people whose opinions do not matter to you affect you at all.  There is no reason for you to take into account her opinions when planning your life. 

Shoo

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2013, 09:58:48 AM »
I'd be tempted to wink and say, "Tonight!"

Nemesis

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2013, 10:00:52 AM »
I am Asian. As you might know, Asians in general have a HUGE preference for boys.

I happen not to care about the gender of my child. After I had my girl, many relatives and Asian colleages (especially those from the older generation) kept saying, "Now you need to try for a boy". I always responded with "Why would I want to do that" and let them explain why a boy is so important. Then my response would be "That's an interesting assumption".

Being pregnant now, these same people are saying, "I hope it is a boy!"

I always respond with "I don't care either way. Why do you?" And leave them with the uncomfortable position of having to explain their gender bias.

Kaypeep

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2013, 10:12:11 AM »
I'm childfree by choice but these questions make me so angry on your behalf!  I'd go with one of these two replies:

"If you forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking such a highly personal and inappropriate question."

"What an interesting question.  I take it you think my family is somehow "incomplete" and lacking in some way based on such a statement.  Well, I'm afraid to disappoint you but we're doing just fine and I don't need any suggestions or encouragement from you or anyone else on family planning matters.  So please do me a favor and don't ask me about my reproductive activities and I won't ask you about yours.   M'kay?"

Sophia

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2013, 10:27:37 AM »
The question says a great deal about the other person.