Author Topic: YOUR girl?  (Read 12088 times)

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delabela

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #15 on: May 01, 2013, 10:30:20 AM »
You know, I have boys (who are the absolute light of my life) and I don't mind this question.  I guess I just see it as idle chatter.  I think it's a little oversensitive to take it as a comment about your family not being good enough or complete.  If people push it, yes, that's rude. 

TurtleDove

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #16 on: May 01, 2013, 10:44:41 AM »
You know, I have boys (who are the absolute light of my life) and I don't mind this question.  I guess I just see it as idle chatter.  I think it's a little oversensitive to take it as a comment about your family not being good enough or complete.  If people push it, yes, that's rude.

Yes, this.  It sounds like this person is pushing it a little, but in general a one-off comment just wouldn't register to me as anything to get upset about.  You can't please everyone all the time, and to me, life is too short to take things personally, especially when I really don't care whether I get approval from the person making the statement.  So what if she actually DOES think the OP's family is not good enough or not complete?  I doubt that is truly what she is thinking, but even if she is, why would the OP care?  I think it's best to just pretend it's idle chatter and let it slide off your back.

reflection5

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #17 on: May 01, 2013, 10:48:41 AM »
A frown and "You've mentioned that several times.  Why does it bother you so much?"

She will mosy likely say something like "Just wondering, just making conversation."

Then say "Don't worry about it."

You don't owe her an explanation or even a reply.  You could also give her a blank stare and say nothing.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2013, 11:21:48 AM by reflection5 »

Lynn2000

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #18 on: May 01, 2013, 10:48:52 AM »
If it's the same person over and over again, I'm with those who suggest pointing out to her that this is a frequent "conversation" you two have. Like, "You know, you've asked me that several times. I'm not sure what answer you're expecting?" or "You've mentioned that several times lately. I'm not sure why it's so interesting/important to you?" Sometimes I think it is just idle chatter, akin to someone making the same corny jokes/comments over and over again, and if you give them a level look and neutrally point out that they've become repetitive, they might check themselves in the future.
~Lynn2000

Hollanda

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #19 on: May 01, 2013, 11:19:57 AM »
  • [size=78%]I'd smile and say "My life's complete thanks" and then a [/size] :-\  look!
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Kaypeep

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #20 on: May 01, 2013, 11:24:14 AM »
I don't think the asker truly thinks the OP's family needs a girl, I bet they think they are just being friendly and funny. But the coworker is also being dense.  I'm childfree by choice and I have a close, longtime friend who kept telling me "You'll change your mind one day", "You'd make a great mom!" and stuff like that.  I finally sent her an email and said "I know that when you say things like that, you're trying to be positive and encouraging and I'm flattered.  But I don't think you realize how frustrating it is to keep hearing these things because I've been very clear about my choice to have children.  I know you love me, so i can't understand why you won't accept my choice and keep insisting I do something that I strongly know I don't want to do.  Also, while I'm childfree by choice, we have 2 mutual friends who are struggling with infertility and comments like this hurt them deeply because they are TRYING but can't have a baby.  So while you mean well when you keep throwing out comments about us having kids, I need to you see that you are also doing harm by saying these things unsolicited.  I've said I don't want kids, but you ignore that.  They say nothing because the topic is painful but you keep bringing it up.  So as a friend, I'm advising you to not comment on ANYONE's reproductive situation unless prompted to by the other person. Because repeatedly telling someone what they should do with their uterus without knowing their situation, or ignoring their words and thinking you know better, is just really really wrong."

Piratelvr1121

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #21 on: May 01, 2013, 11:34:43 AM »
I actually don't mind the question being asked when they are good natured and let it go when I answer. 

I was chatting with a woman in the Walmart McDonalds as we were waiting for our orders.  She shared that she and her daughter were having a "date" that night,  so that each child had some quality time, which wasn't easy when she had 4 kids.  I said something like "I understand, I have 3 and it is nice to have time with each of them." I only had the youngest with me and she asked the genders of the other two.

Upon being told they were all boys, she asked "Are you going to try for a girl?" When I said "Nah, three's our limit" she smiled and didn't push it further.   That I don't mind.  Yeah it's nosy but it's also just making conversation.

It's when they persist in trying to talk you into trying for the other gender that irritates me.  For families of all girls "You're denying your husband of a son!" or families like ours of all boys, "You need a girl!" No I don't.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Deetee

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #22 on: May 01, 2013, 12:02:29 PM »
(Assuming they have a girl)
"I have an idea. You can sell your children and get a family of two beautiful boys. Them you realise that two boys and only two boys is the perfect family"

 When they look horrified you can tell them that we all have our own ideas of the perfect family.

FTR, the perfect family is actually two girls three years apart.


wyliefool

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #23 on: May 01, 2013, 12:30:08 PM »
"I put in an order at Petsmart weeks ago, but they keep stalling me!"

TeamBhakta

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #24 on: May 01, 2013, 12:44:01 PM »
Someone at work repeatedly asks me "When are you going to try for YOUR girl?" 

It annoys me to no end. I love my boys. I have 2. They are 10 and 13. I am not "Trying for a girl" nor do I pine over the fact that I don't have a girl.

I have tried laughing it off.  I've tried "What an interesting assumption..." 

What else can I do??  I hate that she is constantly implying that my family is less than perfect because I don't have a girl. I love my family....just the way it is. Wouldn't trade any of my boys for all of the dresses in the world.

I suggest telling her "That's sweet that you have such a crush on me that you want me to have your babies, but I'm taken. You might want to join the singles club at the church down the street, though. They meet every Tuesday night. They also have a Nosyholics Anonymous group"  >:D

hobish

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #25 on: May 01, 2013, 01:01:41 PM »
You know, I have boys (who are the absolute light of my life) and I don't mind this question.  I guess I just see it as idle chatter.  I think it's a little oversensitive to take it as a comment about your family not being good enough or complete.  If people push it, yes, that's rude.

As someone who is childfree, I agree. If they are pushy then maybe, yeah, they have an agenda (what, I do not know) or it says “more about them” but in my experience people – especially people who are parents – make this kind of chit-chat all the time. If it bothers you it shouldn’t be hard to tell her, “You have asked that several times, and every time I have told you we aren’t. Please find another topic. How ‘bout those Phils?”

ETA: The "your" phrasing grates on my nerves, too, as if everyone is alloted "their" kids. It sounds stupid, and i hate it; but i chalk it up to taste and speech patterns. There isn't much you can do about that.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2013, 01:04:06 PM by hobish »
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Knitterly

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #26 on: May 01, 2013, 01:27:50 PM »
I always find it astonishing how much people feel they have an obligation to insert themselves into the reproductive choices of others.

My husband's family had all boys until recently.  He has a brother with boys, his parents siblings are almost all boys.  He has a few girl cousins, but by far, his side is overwhelmingly male.  I got a LOT of pressure to have a girl.

Now that LK is "old enough", I'm getting a lot of pressure to have a boy.  Actually, I'm getting a lot of pressure to just get on and produce another child.  After all "you don't want them too far apart!" and "LK must have a sibling!"  But what really irks me are the comments that "you need a boy now and then you can be done."

I find that last one to be incredibly presumptuous... as though they'd given me permission to have a girl, now are giving me permission to have a boy, and then permission to be done... as though they had anything at all to do with it.

I answer with a shrug. Literally!  I shrug my shoulders and change the subject and say nothing about it at all.

I would recommend something along that lines.  If you feel the need to say anything, you can say something like "why are we even talking about this?"
Because it's not their business.  And why are they bringing it up?


Promise

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #27 on: May 01, 2013, 02:04:09 PM »
Say, "I wonder how I gave you the impression I wasn't happy with my two boys that you would think I'd want a girl?" It usually stops them.

JoieGirl7

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #28 on: May 01, 2013, 02:20:38 PM »
I have 3 boys!

Sometimes I would shut them down by saying "Oh heck!  I don't want a girl!"

Piratelvr1121

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #29 on: May 01, 2013, 02:35:56 PM »
I have said that before. 

I really hate this when they ask in front of my older two.  The younger one probably couldn't care less, being 18 months, but I don't want the older two to feel like they're a burden.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata