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Author Topic: YOUR girl?  (Read 38371 times)

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #30 on: May 01, 2013, 02:47:17 PM »
My father (poor man) has been the only male in the house for lets see... 31 years? People asked him ALL THE TIME when he was going to "give my mom a son" (eww.) So he would tell them this story (feel free to steal and rewrite/modify to suit)

One day while he was walking down the beach after a regatta, he kicked something in the sand. When he bent over to pick it up, he found a metal object which he rubbed to clean off and out popped a genie. The genie said he was kind of tired, but was willing to grant my dad one wish- and so dad wished to always be surrounded by beautiful women. He finished by saying "Be careful what you wish for"  >:D

The story length and description was also tailored to the rudeness of the statement- the ruder the statement the longer and more elaborate it became.
"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." Douglas Adams


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #31 on: May 01, 2013, 03:03:13 PM »
I always find it astonishing how much people feel they have an obligation to insert themselves into the reproductive choices of others.

My husband's family had all boys until recently.  He has a brother with boys, his parents siblings are almost all boys.  He has a few girl cousins, but by far, his side is overwhelmingly male.  I got a LOT of pressure to have a girl.

Now that LK is "old enough", I'm getting a lot of pressure to have a boy.  Actually, I'm getting a lot of pressure to just get on and produce another child.  After all "you don't want them too far apart!" and "LK must have a sibling!"  But what really irks me are the comments that "you need a boy now and then you can be done."

I find that last one to be incredibly presumptuous... as though they'd given me permission to have a girl, now are giving me permission to have a boy, and then permission to be done... as though they had anything at all to do with it.

I answer with a shrug. Literally!  I shrug my shoulders and change the subject and say nothing about it at all.

I would recommend something along that lines.  If you feel the need to say anything, you can say something like "why are we even talking about this?"
Because it's not their business.  And why are they bringing it up?

If they come anywhere close to this wording, I think a dry, "Thanks for the permission," or "Thanks for giving me the go-head," might me a good response--not in a mean way, but just to point out how they sound. If they're generally well-meaning they would hopefully laugh, but then remember not to say it again.


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #32 on: May 01, 2013, 03:20:55 PM »

FTR, the perfect family is actually two girls three years apart.

Then I must have grown up in the perfect family!!  I'll have to tell my mom - won't she be surprised since our family is anything but perfect.


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #33 on: May 01, 2013, 03:24:17 PM »
After we had our 2 girls, FIL asked me when we were going to try for a boy. I answered, "When Oogydad can get pregnant." It was never brought up again.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #34 on: May 01, 2013, 03:34:33 PM »
You know, some people just get stuck on "balance". Go out to eat with people and ask somebody to pass the salt. Even though you specify salt some people feel compelled to pass the pepper with the salt because an incomplete set just doesn't make sense.


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #35 on: May 01, 2013, 03:39:04 PM »

If you’re feeling sassy you could say, “You’ve asked so many times I’m starting to think you’re angling for an invitation.”
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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #36 on: May 01, 2013, 03:45:34 PM »
I think your own words from the OP are great:  "I love my family....just the way it is. Wouldn't trade any of my boys for all of the dresses in the world."


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #37 on: May 01, 2013, 04:27:01 PM »
I remember when I was expecting my first, someone at my shower said she'd read somewhere that some psychiatrist said the best age difference between siblings is 3 years.   

When I told my mother I was expecting a second child when my oldest was 9months old, she got mad, said it was "too soon" and reminded me that I should have waited until my oldest was 2 to start trying because that yielded best results in sibling relationships.

I think she forgot my brother and I are 8 years apart and got along great, and still do.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #38 on: May 01, 2013, 04:52:07 PM »
After our two DDs we were asked a few times if we were going to try for a boy. Most people were just curious though and cheerfully accepted a "no". That didn't bother us in the slightest.

There were a couple of guys at DH's work who would say "You NEED a son" to him quite often, especially if they saw him doing anything related to the care of girls. That used to really get under his skin because in that case these guys clearly saw having only daughters as being inferior in some way.  >:( I think he just used to handle it with beandip though.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #39 on: May 02, 2013, 01:53:21 PM »
I had a very nosy coworker tell me "Oh you HAVE to try to have a girl next".  I responded with "Why do I HAVE to?".  We knew DS was going to be our one and only due to my health issues.  It was none of her business how/when/or if we decided to have more.


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #40 on: May 02, 2013, 02:13:33 PM »
People asked my parents this too, when my sister and me were kids, as my parents have two daughters and no son.

I'm the younger sibling and was very interested in everything my dad did when I was a kid.  I was an athletic tomboy, I loved cars and machinery and getting dirty.  Whenever people would ask my parents if they were trying for a boy, my dad would tell them, "My youngest daughter is the best son I could have ever hoped for!"
"After all this time?"

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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #41 on: May 02, 2013, 03:28:01 PM »
Sharnita, I grew up with the rule that salt and pepper are always passed together so they'll stay together, and also because the person asking for pepper will invariably want the salt, too. YMMV, but passing both doesn't seem at all odd to me.

"Mother Nature has something to say about it!" is becoming my all-purpose rude reproductive question answer.  Behind all these questions lurks the notion that one can magically produce children, apparently of a preferred sex, on command.  It simply doesn't work that way.


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #42 on: May 02, 2013, 04:01:01 PM »
I hate when people feel it is their right to preach to you about your reproductive choices!  And the question is just stupid.  Are you going to try for a (gender) next?  First off, who said there is a next??  Second off, you can't pick what you are if you want x and get z, are you a failure???  Will you have to live in shame because everyone said you had to have an x for your family to be complete???  Yes, this is a sore spot.  After I had older DD (a miracle as I was told due to some extreme medical issues there would be no way no how..HA! I showed them!), my MIL said because I showed I could have kids, then we should try to give them a grandson (3rd grand daughter).  Mind you, this was said less than an hour after I gave birth!  Yeah, we;ll get hopping right to that!    Tell co worker that this has been asked and answered and it is no longer a subject you wish to discuss.  Give her the icy look while saying it.  Honestly, all women of child bearing age should be allowed to wear a sign that says my uterus and scrabble playing is no one's business!


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #43 on: May 02, 2013, 08:21:18 PM »
'When we can afford the stud fee for _________________(celebrity of your choice).' >:D


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Re: YOUR girl?
« Reply #44 on: May 02, 2013, 08:32:46 PM »
Heehee...I like the stud fee answer.

My mother was the oldest of 3 girls and like you, Green Eyed Hawk, her youngest sister was kind of like the son Granddaddy didn't get.  They were very close too and he loved his girls.   His middle name was Lee and I guess her middle name was as well, as she'd always include her middle name when she referred to herself. 

When my mother had children she decided her first child would be named after Granddaddy since he didn't have any boys to carry on his name.  I didn't think anything of it at the time, and my brother likes his name and Granddaddy was honored to have a grandchild named after him.

But knowing the relationship between the sisters (older two constantly put down the youngest), when I think about it, it does seem like a dig at her youngest sister who shared a middle name with Granddaddy and was quite proud of that and for being more like Granddaddy than the other two were. 

Maybe it was totally innocent but given the history, it kind of seems like a dig when I think of it since mom always did find as many ways as she could to get under her baby sister's skin.

Or it's possible I'm looking too much into it.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata