I know that when you invite someone to do something with you then etiquette says you do your best to make sure they are accomodated and happy, but at what point do they become rude for trying to change your plans to suit themselves?
Here's a scenario as an example. I decide to go to a neighboring town to see a particular movie on a certain day and while I am there, I want to eat at a certain restaurant that I only get to eat at when in that town.
I speak to a relative on the phone, say Cousin Mary. I mention in the course of conversation to Mary that I am going to see X movie and eat at x restaurant on Saturday. Mary says, "Oh, I want to see that movie!"
Thinking I am being a good cousin, I say, "Well, you are welcome to come with me if you like." Mary enthusiastically agrees.
But you warn Mary, "Listen, I can't leave home til 2 pm because I'm waiting on a package and mail runs around 1:30 on Saturday. Also, I have to be back home by 8:30 because my in-laws are comming over then and I promised DH I would be here. I have my time alloted to arrive at the theater and see the 3:15 show and I'm making reservations at the restaurant to sit down and eat at 6pm. That way we
can leave by about 7pm or so and I"ll be home in time for our company. I'm on a pretty tight schedule that day. Is that ok with you?"
Mary says yes so I go ahead and fandango tickets and make reservations.
Then Saturday gets here, we ride together and Mary goes with me to the movie as planned. But after the movie Mary wants to run to a nearby mall to go in a store to 'pick some thing up'. I protest politely because of dinner reservations but she claims it will only take a minute. She is my guest, so I reluctantly say ok. Of couse we miss our reservations because it's the mall on Saturday evening. Then Mary claims she didn't want to eat there anyway, she wants to eat at "BIG FANCY RESTAURANT". I explain to her that I really can't eat there as I only have a certain amout alloted for funds for this trip, and because I know BFR will be hugely crowded and we can't wait if I am to make it home on time.
In the end, we end up eating fast food on the way home because I can't wait any longer and put my foot down about being late for my company. Mary pouts and I quietly steam.
At the end of this scenario, obviously, I'm never going to invite Mary along again. But what I want to know is this: When you invite someone along for a loosely planned day, say "Let's go shopping', then the plans are open to interpretation and can be changed. But when you invite someone along to something specific, and let them know before hand you have a specific timeline and plan, who is rude, you for not accomodating your guest's wishes, or them for trying to change things after they've been warned they need to run a specific way?
In the above scenario, (Which I made up, to illustrate) if Mary had said she wanted to eat at Y restaurant instead of X and go to Z shop, I'd have said we'd have to plan something together another time because that wouldn't fit in my plans for that day. But what do you do when you don't know until the moment?