Author Topic: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister  (Read 4082 times)

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KenveeB

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2013, 01:53:45 PM »
It's hard to tell from the letter whether they were planning on gifting the sister at all if not for the relationship with her brother. The line about "our gift to her" could be read to imply they would be giving her a gift anyway and are just debating the amount. In that case, I think Amy's advice is fine. Give them both the gift they would ordinarily get for that level of acquaintance, and then give the boy an extra bonus for his work. But if they aren't planning on giving to the sister except for the connection to her brother, then my advice would be that they don't have to give to both and just give the boy whatever they want to give.

Two Ravens

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2013, 02:00:23 PM »
I think what Amy was trying to say was that it would be best if the "gift" wasn't tied to the graduation at all, but was rather just a "bonus" in the employer/employee relationship. That would make it less awkward, and be less likely to cause hard feelings in the brother/sister relationship.

violinp

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2013, 03:15:10 PM »
I think what Amy was trying to say was that it would be best if the "gift" wasn't tied to the graduation at all, but was rather just a "bonus" in the employer/employee relationship. That would make it less awkward, and be less likely to cause hard feelings in the brother/sister relationship.

This. If someone who knew both of us had given Cabbage a gift for, say, $100 for graduating high school and they gave me nothing, that would be incredibly awkward. I wouldn't have been upset at my sister, because it wouldn't have been her fault, but I'd wonder what I did to them to make them act that way.

If it had been someone who only knew me or only knew Cabbage, a gift to the one twin would have been no big deal at all.
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sweetonsno

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #18 on: May 03, 2013, 05:04:52 PM »
I also think Amy's advice is fine. It sounds like the LW intends to give the girl a gift anyway. While he didn't specify this, I suspect that he has a relationship with the family as a whole. The relationship with the son is just closer because of his yard work. I think Amy's solution (giving the kids each a modest gift in the context of a "family friend/neighbor" relationship and then giving the son an additional bonus as an employee) is perfectly reasonable. 

bopper

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2013, 09:25:23 AM »
I think that perhaps Amy thought that if the letter writer wanted to just give $$ to the brother, they wouldn't have written in. So they are thinking that they do want to some how make things "even" but still give the brother more, which Amy's answer allows them to do. Perhaps they want to keep the relationship with the parents on a good basis.

Twik

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #20 on: May 06, 2013, 10:23:09 AM »
I think what Amy was trying to say was that it would be best if the "gift" wasn't tied to the graduation at all, but was rather just a "bonus" in the employer/employee relationship. That would make it less awkward, and be less likely to cause hard feelings in the brother/sister relationship.

This. If someone who knew both of us had given Cabbage a gift for, say, $100 for graduating high school and they gave me nothing, that would be incredibly awkward. I wouldn't have been upset at my sister, because it wouldn't have been her fault, but I'd wonder what I did to them to make them act that way.


Well, in the case given, it was that you DIDN'T work for them, and establish a bond.

Really, this is so simple. The twins are not going to be treated the same throughout their lives. Will the IRS go, "Oh, we're giving Twin1 a big refund, because they had certain deductions that Twin2 didn't have. However, we'll have to give Twin2 the same refund, just so s/he doesn't feel bad"?
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katycoo

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #21 on: May 06, 2013, 08:34:04 PM »
This is like having to gift your best mate's twin sister a birthday present, simply because its her birthday too.  She's not your friend.

This is not the same as your parents only getting gifts for one kid. 

blarg314

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #22 on: May 06, 2013, 09:06:36 PM »

The thing is, they're graduating from high school, which makes them 17 or 18. And unless they're staying at home and/or attending the same school in the same major, this is the point that their lives are going to separate into two separate paths instead of being "the twins" - a unit. Getting things separately is likely going to become the norm, not an upsetting slight.

And giving someone you've been employing a graduation gift does not mean you have to give their sibling a graduation gift, just because you've met her a few times.

blueyzca01

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #23 on: May 07, 2013, 02:07:11 PM »
Itís pathetic that weíve gotten to the point that we have to ask about doing something to ďnot offend,Ē that weíve lost sense of what being truly offensive is, and what is reasonable.

The graduates are in the 17-18 age range, which is old enough to know or (sadly) begin to learn that everything isnít equal, life isnít fair, and sometimes people arenít treated the same.

If the sister were to get upset that her brother received a gift that she didnít, itís the perfect opportunity to learn and grow up.
No one ever says, "Why me?!?!" when something good happens.

Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Disagreeing with "Ask Amy" Graduation gift for twin sister
« Reply #24 on: May 07, 2013, 02:34:26 PM »
Prudies  answer was fine, a lot of you all seem to be ignoring the fact that he didn't ask if he should get the sister a gift, he asked if the gift should be the same amount as he was giving her brother. It sounds like to me he was planning to gift the sister the entire time and was just unsure of the amount to gift her with.