You Must Reproduce for Your Country!!!

[Janice]

My flabber is well and truly gasted. I had a strange and bizarre interaction at a local store the other day. The lady who I was dealing with was in her 60's, which is relevant to the story....

BG: I don't have kids, nor do I want them. Occasionally I'm asked in passing if I have kids, I say "no", and if pressed, will simply say that I can't have them, which usually repels rude and nosy questions and is still etiquette friendly. I find that especially with older women like the lady in this story, they'll accept "I can't have children" at face value without question, but get ridiculously offended if I tell them the real reason, which is that I've never wanted kids enough to go down the fertility treatment road. I'm not interested in discussing my reproductive equipment with strangers or casual acquaintances, so this option works fine for me, as most people assume it's a painful subject and are polite enough not to pry.

Most of the time, anyway. Until "Store Lady".

Me: Enters store, brings purchase to counter.

Store Lady: **small talk, weather, blabbetty blah** So, how many kids do you have?

Me: No kids. I have 3 nephews though (this usually distracts them)

Store Lady: What??? No kids??? Why not??

Me: (thinking "oh no, it's the Childbearing Evangelist, better shut this down") I can't have them.

Store Lady: Well, you know not enough Orange people are having kids and all the Other Colors are! You'll see when you get older! This is a big problem! You should be doing something or there will be no more Orange people.

Me:  That's an interesting assumption. Well, I can't have kids, so I'm off the hook.

Store Lady: I just don't know what's wrong with all the girls today. There was never any of this infertility when *I* was younger. Why, my mother had 5 kids! Everyone had kids! You should have 3 kids...2 to replace the parents and one for the country. That's the RIGHT thing to do!

Me:  . Um. Thankyouhaveanicedaybye!!!! (flees store, never to return)

I've experienced people who think it's their duty to convince me to have a kid before, and even the nasty "THEY are out-reproducing US" attitude (so weird), but this is the first time I've been told that it's my duty to my country to clone myself!

[PastryGoddess]

You must post this on not always working....

[hobish]

Yowza! You know, you get used to a certain amount of, "No kids! Oh, my..." and just try to grit your teeth and accept that not everyone thinks the same way, but that is crazy. I did once have a friend insist that i need to reproduce because my above average intelligence needed to be passed on ... that may be where my line of coming from a long line of schizophrenic cross-addicted alcoholics with bad teeth came from 

Hey, nice to meet another happily childfree person who can't have kids without fertility treatments or whatever. I am in the same boat. I always say it couldn't have happened to a better person.

[Maggie]

I'm sorry but the song "Do It for Your Country" keeps running through my head! 

[MERUNCC13]

   I'm sorry that you had to even reply to this woman. 

When I read your post I hearing a certain German dictator's voice going through my mind.  In my 20th century History classes when we studied WWII, we read that he encouraged German women to "reproduce for the fatherland".  Yipes!!

[Yvaine]

I don't spend much time reporting things to management, but this is a case where I would. Store employees should not be spouting racist garbage at customers! 

[nuit93]

I don't spend much time reporting things to management, but this is a case where I would. Store employees should not be spouting racist garbage at customers! 

I would too.

Otherwise, my only response would be to completely Godwin the conversation ("you know who ELSE said women should reproduce for their country?").

[mrkitty]

I don't spend much time reporting things to management, but this is a case where I would. Store employees should not be spouting racist garbage at customers! 

This. So much this.

You know how safety trumps etiquette? I think this is similar - sometimes, things are just so out of line it can rise to an occasion of "this is not to be tolerated at all". This is one of those things, for me....I would definitely speak to the manager or contact headquarters. This could really affect their business....and, it could be indicative of a racist/discriminatory attitude on the part of the clerk that needs to be addressed.

But I also think this is a very valid etiquette issue...because how do you fend off obnoxious inquiries/statements like this when normal means fail?

[Midnight Kitty]

Hey, nice to meet another happily childfree person who can't have kids without fertility treatments or whatever. I am in the same boat.

I'm there with ya

I, too, have found that replying "It just never happened for us" with a slight quiver usually prompts people to change the subject for fear I'll start crying.  Although I wanted children when I was younger, I'm perfectly content with the way this part of my life worked out.  When I wanted children, I did not know I would be caring for a half blind disabled husband.  Eventually the hormones ease up and the sight of cute babies doesn't cause me to say "I want one of those!"

[nuit93]

My flabber is well and truly gasted. I had a strange and bizarre interaction at a local store the other day. The lady who I was dealing with was in her 60's, which is relevant to the story....

BG: I don't have kids, nor do I want them. Occasionally I'm asked in passing if I have kids, I say "no", and if pressed, will simply say that I can't have them, which usually repels rude and nosy questions and is still etiquette friendly. I find that especially with older women like the lady in this story, they'll accept "I can't have children" at face value without question, but get ridiculously offended if I tell them the real reason, which is that I've never wanted kids enough to go down the fertility treatment road. I'm not interested in discussing my reproductive equipment with strangers or casual acquaintances, so this option works fine for me, as most people assume it's a painful subject and are polite enough not to pry.

Most of the time, anyway. Until "Store Lady".

Me: Enters store, brings purchase to counter.

Store Lady: **small talk, weather, blabbetty blah** So, how many kids do you have?

Me: No kids. I have 3 nephews though (this usually distracts them)

Store Lady: What??? No kids??? Why not??

Me: (thinking "oh no, it's the Childbearing Evangelist, better shut this down") I can't have them.

Store Lady: Well, you know not enough Orange people are having kids and all the Other Colors are! You'll see when you get older! This is a big problem! You should be doing something or there will be no more Orange people.

Me:  That's an interesting assumption. Well, I can't have kids, so I'm off the hook.

Store Lady: I just don't know what's wrong with all the girls today. There was never any of this infertility when *I* was younger. Why, my mother had 5 kids! Everyone had kids! You should have 3 kids...2 to replace the parents and one for the country. That's the RIGHT thing to do!

Me:  . Um. Thankyouhaveanicedaybye!!!! (flees store, never to return)

I've experienced people who think it's their duty to convince me to have a kid before, and even the nasty "THEY are out-reproducing US" attitude (so weird), but this is the first time I've been told that it's my duty to my country to clone myself!

I'd add to that: how would she know your S/O is Orange also?  He could be Blue.

[Waterlight]

Yowza! You know, you get used to a certain amount of, "No kids! Oh, my..." and just try to grit your teeth and accept that not everyone thinks the same way, but that is crazy. I did once have a friend insist that i need to reproduce because my above average intelligence needed to be passed on ... that may be where my line of coming from a long line of schizophrenic cross-addicted alcoholics with bad teeth came from 

Hey, nice to meet another happily childfree person who can't have kids without fertility treatments or whatever. I am in the same boat. I always say it couldn't have happened to a better person.

Sorry to butt in here, but I can't resist:  I'm another happily childfree person who can't have kids (for a number of reasons)!

I definitely would go to the store manager to complain about Store Lady.  There are no words--at least none that are E-Hell approved--for just how awful her racist attitude is.  Another thing to consider is that sometimes someone might look, say, 100% Orange, but actually have a Blue grandparent or great-grandparent.  If some bacon-fed knave were to spout off that kind of garbage about Other Colors reproducing in front of me, I'd be sorely tempted to shut them up with "Excuse me, one of my great-grandfathers was a Choctaw and another was part Cherokee.  I find your comments offensive."  And that's the borderline-polite version.

Childbearing Evangelists are annoying even when they aren't racist.  I'm in my mid-40's now and thought I wouldn't have to deal with questions about my reproductive organs anymore--but no, since so many celebrities my age and older are having children these days, even saying "I can't have kids" isn't a deterrent anymore to the really hardcore evangelists.  They'll just say, "Oh, but Celebrity Soandso is X years older and SHE just had a baby."     Which is where "that won't be possible" comes in.

[Nemesis]

When I saw the title, I thought that this must be a Singaporean!

Singapore has very low birth rates. The Singaporean government is trying to get all citizens to reproduce!

http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2013/03/201333013612919789.html

[Minmom3]

Do any of you find that because of the complete 'space cadet-ness' of the woman spouting this garbage, that it loses a portion of its sting?  Somehow, for me (personally), the fact they they SAID such a thing, a thing that is SO out there, so many miles beyond the border of acceptable speech from ANYBODY to anybody else, let alone a store employee to a customer - that I sometimes start laughing and can't stop. 

a) I'm all in favor of reporting people  who say carp like that.  I don't CARE what 'their' convictions are, that isn't appropriate to say to a single person on the face of the planet.

b) I'm all in favor of people who don't want children not HAVING children.  Children are hard work, stressful to handle and to raise at all, let alone well, and they're damned expensive, and they cost you an awful lot of sleep (which I personally handle very poorly!)  Nobody who doesn't REALLY want them should ever have them, IMO! 

Forget this do it for God and your country nonsense...  No child should ever have to be raised by somebody who grudges the cost in time, money and effort.

[Library Dragon]

Yowza! That's inappropriate interaction by the store lady.  Definitely complain to management. 

In the USA our eugenics history is ugly enough starting in the early 20th century (with support from The Kellogg Foundation, Margaret Sanger, and Henry Ford among others). IMHO it's my responsibility to stomp on it when it raises it's brutal head.  A complaint to the store manager is a message that 1. She was wrong to discuss something so personal, and 2. More importantly that type of attitude is not acceptable.

[whatsanenigma]

What's even weirder to me is that even IF the employee had a perfectly valid point (and I'm not saying she does, this is just for the sake of arguement)  way to go to make the OP feel rotten!  She cannot physically have children and most likely feels bad about this already.  Why keep beating the dead horse here?  And even IF it were a valid point that the OP didn't believe but she should believe, she couldn't do anything about it.  It almost sounds like the weird lady was assuming that infertility doesn't actually exist, which is even more weird.

That whole thing is just wrong on so many levels.  I would definitely speak to management about it.