Author Topic: Holding doors  (Read 2606 times)

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lynnetteleigh

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Holding doors
« on: May 02, 2013, 01:43:27 PM »
I'm not sure if this is a regional thing or if I just didn't notice before....However since being employed in New City I have noticed that the majority of the time when I hold a door for someone they just walk through. Where when someone holds the door for me I will place my hand on the door so they aren't stuck standing there holding the door for me.

While standing there the extra second isn't a big deal this has been throwing me. Since my initial reaction is when the person gets close enough to hold the door for him/herself I start to let go and continue walking. So far I've caught myself before hitting anyone with the door... but depending on my awareness for the day it may happen eventually.

What is everyone else's experience with this? Do you grab the door once you reach it? Or walk through?

And just for reference I am female and have had this happen with men and women.


Only me

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2013, 01:47:01 PM »
Hi

I've had men open the door for me and I just walk through, as they have indicated I should do. However when we get to the next door, I open it and then wait for them to get ahold of it or let them go through (depends on how cute he is or how old he is).

My roomie has had this happen to him plenty of times with both men, women and children. He'll hold the door open and they'll jsut walk through and say nothing. I used to notice it in the city more but with my town growing like crazy, am starting to see it in the local businesses also.

Onlyme

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2013, 01:47:32 PM »
How are they holding the door?  When they open the door and stand behind it like a doorman, I just walk through and say thank you.

If they already walked through and are simply keeping it open for the person behind them, I grab the door.

lynnetteleigh

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2013, 01:50:36 PM »
How are they holding the door?  When they open the door and stand behind it like a doorman, I just walk through and say thank you.

If they already walked through and are simply keeping it open for the person behind them, I grab the door.

I have never stood behind the door. I usually just hold it with one hand after walking through.

sparksals

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2013, 01:59:01 PM »
Are they butting in front of you when you hold the door?


If someone holds the door, I grab it so they go through first.  I never assume to go before them. They were there first.


lowspark

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2013, 02:10:29 PM »
It's usually pretty obvious if the person holding the door is intending for you to go on ahead or grab the door and follow. If you're standing there holding the door open with the door fully in front of you, that indicates that the other person should walk on through and you will go behind them. If you are holding the door as you walk through then they should be putting their hand on the door behind you as you are about halfway through.

So yeah, are they sort of butting in front of you as you are already passing through? If you haven't at least begun walking through, it makes sense that they are interpreting your actions as holding it open for them to pass through first.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2013, 03:42:54 PM »
I live in the South, where door holding is expected and is always acknowledged with a "thank you". 

The exact etiquette is a bit of a judgement call. If the person is far enough behind that you can enter and the door will close before they reach it, you don't need to hold the door (although you can).  If someone is right behind you, you hold the door open from the outside and allow them in first.  If the distance is such that you can enter but they will reach the door before it closes, you hold it ajar behind you so that they can grab it from the outside and keep it open for themselves while they enter.

There are definitely cultural norms for holding doors.  When I travel north and exhibit my Southern manners, people often look at me like I'm crazy.  Watch how the natives behave and follow their lead.
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SingActDance

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2013, 04:40:35 PM »
I agree the way to handle it is to walk into the doorframe and hold the door behind you. That way they can't get past, and it will be obvious they should take the door from you. If I saw someone open the door and step aside leaving enough space that I could pass them, I would assume that's what they meant to happen.
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CakeEater

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2013, 05:33:42 PM »
I live in the South, where door holding is expected and is always acknowledged with a "thank you". 

The exact etiquette is a bit of a judgement call. If the person is far enough behind that you can enter and the door will close before they reach it, you don't need to hold the door (although you can).  If someone is right behind you, you hold the door open from the outside and allow them in first.  If the distance is such that you can enter but they will reach the door before it closes, you hold it ajar behind you so that they can grab it from the outside and keep it open for themselves while they enter.

There are definitely cultural norms for holding doors.  When I travel north and exhibit my Southern manners, people often look at me like I'm crazy.  Watch how the natives behave and follow their lead.

I'm in Australia, and this is how I handle holding doors. I'm perfectly happy to walk through a door held open by anyone, and happy to hold a door for anyone.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2013, 05:40:21 PM »
I agree with the others.  If the person is standing behind the door, I figure they mean for me to walk through.  If they're just walking through in head of me and hold it until I can take it, I figure they want me to take it.  If I'm walking through the door and see somebody coming, I'll generally just hold it behind me so they can take it.  But if I see somebody carrying something heavy, or pushing a stroller, or what-not, I'll stand behind the door as I hold it as a signal for them to go ahead through.

jpcher

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2013, 06:16:15 PM »
I guess it also matters which way the door swings.

If it's a push and enter, I'll wait in the middle of the doorway for the person behind me to grab the door before moving on. If the person has arms full of packages or some such thing, I'll step all the way through and hold the door by the edge and allow the other person to go first.

If it's a pull and enter, I'll usually stand back and let the person behind me go first . . . it seems easier that way simply because you have to step back to open the door anyway.

There are those times, however, when it seems that I become the official door holder while crowds of people just pass me by and I can't seem to get a foot in edgewise. ::)

Thipu1

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2013, 06:29:56 PM »
Ah, the dance of the doorway!  How complex it can be. 

If someone ahead of me opens a door and holds it open for me, I'll pass through with a 'Thank You' and hold the door in turn if someone is right behind me.  This is known as the 'Do-Si-Do and the Alamande Left'.  I may not stop to hold the door if I'm carrying big bags of shopping.  If at all possible though, I will put out a foot to keep it open. That can make for an awkward but pretty
 little pas de chat. 

If I'm the one in front, I will happily hold the door for someone behind me who has an armload of something or who is pushing a stroller.  I know security in the building is important but people like that aren't likely to be looking to steal something. 

What bothers me is when I'm going into to a shop and the person ahead of me, usually an adolescent
 girl, opens the door just enough to slip through and lets the door close in my face. That happened in my own building.  I had my keys in one hand and a big bag of groceries in the other. The perp here was a visiting Grandma.  As the door closed I heard the older lady say that she did it because, 'That lady doesn't belong here'.  Excuse me, at the time, I'd been living in the building for 20 years. 

Sometimes, we teach our children a bit too much about 'stranger danger'.       

Raintree

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2013, 01:44:44 AM »
People who sail through without taking the door from me kind of drive me batty. I once was stuck holding a door into a shop as about 6-7 people waltzed through without taking it from me and without acknowledging me. When it became clear that I was regarded as their personal door holder, after about 6 people passed, I let it go suddenly and let it land where it may, as people just arriving were obviously about to walk through too. Sorry if that was rude, but I also had shopping to do and was not put there to hold the door for everyone.

CakeEater

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2013, 02:34:19 AM »
People who sail through without taking the door from me kind of drive me batty. I once was stuck holding a door into a shop as about 6-7 people waltzed through without taking it from me and without acknowledging me. When it became clear that I was regarded as their personal door holder, after about 6 people passed, I let it go suddenly and let it land where it may, as people just arriving were obviously about to walk through too. Sorry if that was rude, but I also had shopping to do and was not put there to hold the door for everyone.

 hat case, I'd inch away until just my fongertips were holding the door, hopefully make eye contact with someone coming and say, 'have you got it?' Then let go.

StoutGirl

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Re: Holding doors
« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2013, 08:20:50 AM »
In my local area in the Upper Midwest, it goes both ways for those who actually are considerate enough to hold the door.

I experienced a little bit of culture shock last fall when I lived down South for a semester.  Everyone would hold the door for me.  I was a little weirded out at first.  There was one day when I was going out and a guy was coming in, and the timing just seemed little off (hard to explain).  I just moved to another door to open myself and he said, "you know, I would have held the door for you." 

Now I am back home and I do hold the door for people, and am sometimes thanked.  I have also had the door slammed in my face-what gentlemen we have here locally!   ::)