Author Topic: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?  (Read 7112 times)

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blarg314

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2013, 01:55:24 AM »

I think it is polite to ask before posting pictures of someone else's personal event - like a wedding, or baptism, or bridal shower.  Some people care a lot, some people don't, so it's reasonable to ask.

But I wouldn't call it a cardinal rule of Facebook. The cardinal rule of Facebook is

"If you post something, do it with the expectation that anyone, including your boss, your parents and your enemies, can see it."


Awestruck Shmuck

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #16 on: May 05, 2013, 02:56:31 AM »
I went to a wedding recently and there was an instagram hashtag on the reception entry/welcome sign! This was so people could all post pictures in the one spot.

I'm getting married next year and while I'm a little nervous of dodgy/bad photos being put up, I don't think I can dictate who does what with their photos! I have in the past, requested that REALLY dodgy photos of me be removed from FB (via private message, keeping things light and polite) - which is not always received well, but I'm sorry, I'm not okay with having my messy-hair-big-grin-marred-by-spinach-in-teeth self splashed around. My little sister does not get this!

I will probably have a quiet word to the few people that will bring a smart phone to the wedding, well before hand. we're only having 40 people there, and maybe 60% are over 70 or under 12, so not likely to have an iphone handy  :P

menley

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #17 on: May 05, 2013, 04:39:50 AM »
I think this goes to how people use Facebook in general. For example, my friends (or at least the ones that I interact with regularly on Facebook) have no problem with almost any photos going on Facebook. Sometimes when we're hanging out, if there has been too much alcohol consumed ;) people will specifically say "eek, no photos on Facebook tonight!" But unless someone specifically says, the group philosophy seems to be "I'll upload them and let the others untag themselves if they feel uncomfortable with it."

Now, the main reason this works for me is that I seem to have an exceptionally considerate group of friends who specifically look at the pictures to make sure they're flattering before posting them :)

Specific to weddings, unless a bride and groom have specifically requested guests not to post photos, I think most people would assume it was fine without even thinking about it. For better or worse, smartphones have made us a society that is constantly updating the world to our whereabouts and our actions.

Syrse

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #18 on: May 05, 2013, 05:02:26 AM »
I'm probably the odd one out here, but when people started posting our wedding pictures, I was a bit annoyed. But then again, it was my mom and of course she posted only those that suggested we were awesomest daughter and mom, while we are anything but  ::)

I agree with an 'it would be polite to ask before you do.'
Many people seem to forget that by privacy law, you're not even allowed to post pictures without consent.

MsMarjorie

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #19 on: May 05, 2013, 06:14:11 AM »
What if the bride were someone like myself, who has no facebook and avoids an internet presence (oh okay except here), at all costs.  How would I go about asking people not to post pictures of me?

Its funny but since I have virtually no internet presence it wouldn't have occurred to me before this thread that people would put pictures of me up on the net.

Giggity

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #20 on: May 05, 2013, 08:53:53 AM »
The female host (Mercedes) mentioned this as a "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook, and naturally I was curious about what everyone here thinks.  Mercedes says that posting pictures of a bride and groom on FB is an etiquette issue, and the "rule" is that NO ONE in attendance at the wedding should post pictures of the B/G until the B/G have posted pictures themselves... and then, it's open season. What do you guys think?

Unless she's Mark Zuckerberg, she doesn't get to make rules for Facebook.
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Specky

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #21 on: May 05, 2013, 09:17:13 AM »
I would never post a picture of anyone without asking their permission first.  I may send them the picture privately.  I also expect people to ask permission before posting pictures of me, but I generally do not give permission for anyone to take my picture.  If somewhere where pictures are being taken, I avoid the camera/photographer and tell the photographer that I do not wish to have my picture taken.  Sometimes, I just leave the event.

MommyPenguin

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #22 on: May 05, 2013, 10:39:17 AM »
I wouldn't have a problem with people posting pictures of themselves at my wedding, but I'd personally much rather the pictures that get posted first be the good pictures by the photographer, and not the red-eye, strange-angle, mouth-open, squinty-eyed pictures that a lot of people I know take.  Otherwise people will probably see the first pictures taken, glance through, satisfy any interest in seeing wedding pictures, and never see the good ones that get posted later.  So I'd much prefer that for the posed shots (and maybe for the special shots, like father/daughter and mother/son dance, cake cutting) the bride/groom get to post the shots first.  Same with a new baby, I'd rather the father/mother get to post the first shots and the grandparents, siblings, and friends wait to post their shots until later.  I also sort of see it a bit as letting the person whose event it is to be the one to make the "announcement" (even if the announcement is pictures and more of a "and this is what it looked like" thing).  But, again, no problem with people posting photographs of their group at the table, or them dancing, or whatever.  Just think they should wait for actual shots of bride/groom and special parts of the wedding.  Wait forever?  No.  But maybe a few days after the bride/groom get back from the honeymoon, unless you know they don't mind because you've talked to them about it.

Twik

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #23 on: May 05, 2013, 02:15:40 PM »
The female host (Mercedes) mentioned this as a "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook, and naturally I was curious about what everyone here thinks.  Mercedes says that posting pictures of a bride and groom on FB is an etiquette issue, and the "rule" is that NO ONE in attendance at the wedding should post pictures of the B/G until the B/G have posted pictures themselves... and then, it's open season. What do you guys think?

Unless she's Mark Zuckerberg, she doesn't get to make rules for Facebook.

Absolutely. She may think it's a rule, but I'd love to see her drag out an etiquette book and show where it's so written.
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MrsJWine

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #24 on: May 05, 2013, 05:03:30 PM »
I wouldn't call it "The Cardinal Rule of Facebook," but I think it is a good rule of thumb, unless you know otherwise. To me, it's along the same lines as announcing someone's engagement before the couple has had a chance to do it themselves. It's not *quite* as bad, but it's similar. A picture of yourself at someone's wedding? Sure. But posting pictures of the wedding before the bride or groom does seems a bit out of line. Again, though, not THE CARDINAL RULE OF FACEBOOK. More like a kind of good idea not to do.


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thedudeabides

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #25 on: May 05, 2013, 09:36:43 PM »
I went to a wedding last summer where the couple had inserts with the programs asking guests not to post any pictures from the wedding to social media for privacy reasons. This bothered me more than I expected because it left me feeling that I couldn't even post pictures just of my girlfriend and I together without violating the spirit of the request. I understand why they asked it - they don't have social media presences anymore and wanted to control how much is out there and possibly public about themselves - but it could have been worded much better, in my opinion.

Hmmmmm

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2013, 10:49:13 PM »
I went to a wedding last summer where the couple had inserts with the programs asking guests not to post any pictures from the wedding to social media for privacy reasons. This bothered me more than I expected because it left me feeling that I couldn't even post pictures just of my girlfriend and I together without violating the spirit of the request. I understand why they asked it - they don't have social media presences anymore and wanted to control how much is out there and possibly public about themselves - but it could have been worded much better, in my opinion.

I'm not a big photo person. I seldom post photos on public media unless someone makes a specific request. So when I read your post, it sounds to me that you feel your desire to be able to post photos of you attending an event hosted by some one else should trump the hosts desire to have no photos of an event they hosted be in social media.

I've read this sentiment many times. One poster here in another thread said they would refuse to attend an event if they were told they couldn't post photos.



MariaE

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #27 on: May 06, 2013, 12:36:49 AM »
If the photo only showed thedudeabides and his girlfriend, and the partly was held in a public venue (rather than a private residence) I don't think the hosts have any right (etiquette or otherwise) to ask that such photos aren't posted. They can ask that photos of them aren't posted - and that should of course be respected.

To me it's not a matter of whose preferences trumps whoms (not sure about the grammar there...) but about what people can reasonably ask.
 
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sammycat

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #28 on: May 06, 2013, 01:10:23 AM »
If the photo only showed thedudeabides and his girlfriend, and the partly was held in a public venue (rather than a private residence) I don't think the hosts have any right (etiquette or otherwise) to ask that such photos aren't posted. They can ask that photos of them aren't posted - and that should of course be respected.

To me it's not a matter of whose preferences trumps whoms (not sure about the grammar there...) but about what people can reasonably ask.

Was just coming to say the same thing.

If DH and I attended a wedding and we got a nice photo together, without any sign of the bridal couple in it, I would post it on my (very locked) facebook if I felt like sharing it with my facebook list (which only consists about 60 people, so we're not talking hundreds of followers here).

I would certainly honour the happy couple's request to not to post pictures of them (and the bridal party if they wish), but they have no right to control pictures of other people.

Hmmmmm

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Re: A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?
« Reply #29 on: May 06, 2013, 09:02:04 AM »
If the photo only showed thedudeabides and his girlfriend, and the partly was held in a public venue (rather than a private residence) I don't think the hosts have any right (etiquette or otherwise) to ask that such photos aren't posted. They can ask that photos of them aren't posted - and that should of course be respected.

To me it's not a matter of whose preferences trumps whoms (not sure about the grammar there...) but about what people can reasonably ask.

Will you tag it as "Friend and I at X wedding?"