A "Cardinal Rule" of Facebook?

[MariaE]

If the photo only showed thedudeabides and his girlfriend, and the partly was held in a public venue (rather than a private residence) I don't think the hosts have any right (etiquette or otherwise) to ask that such photos aren't posted. They can ask that photos of them aren't posted - and that should of course be respected.

To me it's not a matter of whose preferences trumps whoms (not sure about the grammar there...) but about what people can reasonably ask.

Will you tag it as "Friend and I at X wedding?"

Probably not. I seldom tag locations on Facebook.

[Hmmmmm]

If the photo only showed thedudeabides and his girlfriend, and the partly was held in a public venue (rather than a private residence) I don't think the hosts have any right (etiquette or otherwise) to ask that such photos aren't posted. They can ask that photos of them aren't posted - and that should of course be respected.

To me it's not a matter of whose preferences trumps whoms (not sure about the grammar there...) but about what people can reasonably ask.

Will you tag it as "Friend and I at X wedding?"

Probably not. I seldom tag locations on Facebook.

Then to me that is not posting photos of the wedding. That's posting a photo of you and a friend. If there is no identifiable way of relating it to the wedding, like you standing in front of a sign that says Congrats Jack & Jill, then I would agree and have no issues. And I doubt the B&G in your post would have issue. I would assume they were not wanting photos of them, their wedding party, photos of the ceremony, or photos of things like the wedding cake or other very personal items. 

[TootsNYC]

I think it is polite to ask before posting pictures of someone else's personal event - like a wedding, or baptism, or bridal shower.  Some people care a lot, some people don't, so it's reasonable to ask.

But I wouldn't call it a cardinal rule of Facebook. The cardinal rule of Facebook is

"If you post something, do it with the expectation that anyone, including your boss, your parents and your enemies, can see it."

I agree. With both points.

I just think that when someone else is the host of an event, you should not be rushing to post your versions of it. Be a little slow.

Even, actually, if it's just a party. But especially if it is a big event.

I agree that if it's a pic of YOU at the wedding, you don't have to be quite as reticent.

I would like to see this become a rule. 

[WillyNilly]

I got married last October. We honeymooned in the States and I was so glad I brought my laptop with me - every evening I would go onto Facebook and find more wedding photos posted by friends and family which i right-click saved. I had two photographers, who took between them about 900 photos. I got over 600 additional photos from friends and family off Facebook and Flickr.

Sure it made making my albums more work, but ultimately it made them better because now we had candids, and shots from different angles and some had filters applied and stuff the photographers missed.

It never occurred to me to be upset by the photos being posted! In fact I never posted a single wedding photo on Facebook from my wedding. Two reasons - one I didn't bring a camera (and the professional photo links took a week to be sent to us) and two - I think its rude to post about a party I hosted in front of people I didn't invite (isn't that a cardinal rule?)

[LB]

I always thought it was best to get permission before posting a picture of someone else online. Whether it's at their wedding or anything else.

[Hmmmmm]

I got married last October. We honeymooned in the States and I was so glad I brought my laptop with me - every evening I would go onto Facebook and find more wedding photos posted by friends and family which i right-click saved. I had two photographers, who took between them about 900 photos. I got over 600 additional photos from friends and family off Facebook and Flickr.

Sure it made making my albums more work, but ultimately it made them better because now we had candids, and shots from different angles and some had filters applied and stuff the photographers missed.

It never occurred to me to be upset by the photos being posted! In fact I never posted a single wedding photo on Facebook from my wedding. Two reasons - one I didn't bring a camera (and the professional photo links took a week to be sent to us) and two - I think its rude to post about a party I hosted in front of people I didn't invite (isn't that a cardinal rule?)

That is one of my reasons I don't post any photos of private events we attend as guests or as hosts. Most people who view the photos wouldn't expect an invitation. But if I host a small backyard bbq for 4 neighbor families there is a strong possibility another friend is also a facebook friend of their's and might wonder why I didn't invite them too. Or cousin Cindy hosts a lunch for her mom and invites a few friends and a couple of close cousins and suddenly your getting a call on why Cindy didn't invite cousin Tom. 

[angel17]

I got married last October. We honeymooned in the States and I was so glad I brought my laptop with me - every evening I would go onto Facebook and find more wedding photos posted by friends and family which i right-click saved. I had two photographers, who took between them about 900 photos. I got over 600 additional photos from friends and family off Facebook and Flickr.

Sure it made making my albums more work, but ultimately it made them better because now we had candids, and shots from different angles and some had filters applied and stuff the photographers missed.

It never occurred to me to be upset by the photos being posted! In fact I never posted a single wedding photo on Facebook from my wedding. Two reasons - one I didn't bring a camera (and the professional photo links took a week to be sent to us) and two - I think its rude to post about a party I hosted in front of people I didn't invite (isn't that a cardinal rule?)

You didn't post pictures because you didn't want to post about party to people you didn't invite but if all the pictures were tagged with your name then all of your FB friends still saw the pictures.

That is the main reason why I don't like when people post so many pictures of someone elses event. Why do all of your friends need to see pictures of someone elses event? More importantly why would you presume that everyone on the Bride/Groom's friends list want to see immediate pictures of event they were not invited to? Guest list are hard enough and not everyone chronicles their life statuses as soon as they happen (or keeps FB for just one circle of close friends). I've been to plenty weddings where co-workers/distant families etc did not know about wedding until afterwards when relationship status changed and/or select pictures posted.

To me the rule should be know your audience. If a couple has hashtags up or openly encourage photos then go for it. But if you are with couple that has been parse with wedding talk on FB then respect that and let them announce their news as they see fit.  You can share links to photos (or actual ones) with the couple without FB.

I have family members that refuse to respect my low profile so I no longer take any pictures with them.

[thedudeabides]

I went to a wedding last summer where the couple had inserts with the programs asking guests not to post any pictures from the wedding to social media for privacy reasons. This bothered me more than I expected because it left me feeling that I couldn't even post pictures just of my girlfriend and I together without violating the spirit of the request. I understand why they asked it - they don't have social media presences anymore and wanted to control how much is out there and possibly public about themselves - but it could have been worded much better, in my opinion.

I'm not a big photo person. I seldom post photos on public media unless someone makes a specific request. So when I read your post, it sounds to me that you feel your desire to be able to post photos of you attending an event hosted by some one else should trump the hosts desire to have no photos of an event they hosted be in social media.

I've read this sentiment many times. One poster here in another thread said they would refuse to attend an event if they were told they couldn't post photos.

No, actually, I felt like my desire to post a nice picture of myself and my girlfriend dressed nicely, with no reference to the event itself, was overridden by the happy couple's desire to keep their event off social media. Could I have posted that? Probably, but I felt that would still be going against their request that no photos period be posted.

[Baxter]

 
No, actually, I felt like my desire to post a nice picture of myself and my girlfriend dressed nicely, with no reference to the event itself, was overridden by the happy couple's desire to keep their event off social media. Could I have posted that? Probably, but I felt that would still be going against their request that no photos period be posted.

Perhaps if this situation arises again, you could take a photo before you go?

I wonder if its the sort of thing that you wouldn't have thought twice about before, but they brought it up in such a manner that
it became rude.  Can you remember what the wording was?

[MariaE]

That is the main reason why I don't like when people post so many pictures of someone elses event. Why do all of your friends need to see pictures of someone elses event? More importantly why would you presume that everyone on the Bride/Groom's friends list want to see immediate pictures of event they were not invited to? Guest list are hard enough and not everyone chronicles their life statuses as soon as they happen (or keeps FB for just one circle of close friends). I've been to plenty weddings where co-workers/distant families etc did not know about wedding until afterwards when relationship status changed and/or select pictures posted.

The bolded is an interesting concept and not one I've encountered before. When I post photos of somebody else's event, I don't do it for my friends to see - I do it for the sake of the person whose event it was, and the other people who were present, because I assume that they would want to see.

Similarly I'm grateful when friends post photos of events where I was present and even more of my own events, because I want to see their photos of the day - especially if I've for some reason been unable to take some myself.

[sammycat]

When I post photos of somebody else's event, I don't do it for my friends to see - I do it for the sake of the person whose event it was, and the other people who were present, because I assume that they would want to see.

Similarly I'm grateful when friends post photos of events where I was present and even more of my own events, because I want to see their photos of the day - especially if I've for some reason been unable to take some myself.

Exactly my thoughts!

[Hmmmmm]

That is the main reason why I don't like when people post so many pictures of someone elses event. Why do all of your friends need to see pictures of someone elses event? More importantly why would you presume that everyone on the Bride/Groom's friends list want to see immediate pictures of event they were not invited to? Guest list are hard enough and not everyone chronicles their life statuses as soon as they happen (or keeps FB for just one circle of close friends). I've been to plenty weddings where co-workers/distant families etc did not know about wedding until afterwards when relationship status changed and/or select pictures posted.

The bolded is an interesting concept and not one I've encountered before. When I post photos of somebody else's event, I don't do it for my friends to see - I do it for the sake of the person whose event it was, and the other people who were present, because I assume that they would want to see.

Similarly I'm grateful when friends post photos of events where I was present and even more of my own events, because I want to see their photos of the day - especially if I've for some reason been unable to take some myself.

I like my photobug BILs approach which is to set up private album and invite people.

edited to correct typing mistakes.

[WillyNilly]

That is the main reason why I don't like when people post so many pictures of someone elses event. Why do all of your friends need to see pictures of someone elses event? More importantly why would you presume that everyone on the Bride/Groom's friends list want to see immediate pictures of event they were not invited to? Guest list are hard enough and not everyone chronicles their life statuses as soon as they happen (or keeps FB for just one circle of close friends). I've been to plenty weddings where co-workers/distant families etc did not know about wedding until afterwards when relationship status changed and/or select pictures posted.

The bolded is an interesting concept and not one I've encountered before. When I post photos of somebody else's event, I don't do it for my friends to see - I do it for the sake of the person whose event it was, and the other people who were present, because I assume that they would want to see.

Similarly I'm grateful when friends post photos of events where I was present and even more of my own events, because I want to see their photos of the day - especially if I've for some reason been unable to take some myself.

Like I said I didn't post any photos of my wedding, but yeah I did like seeing all the posted pictures! The whole day was a whirlwind for me and there's no way I could be everywhere at once - I loved getting to see what happened at tables when I wasn't visiting with them, and on the dancefloor, and out on a terrace, etc!

[Sterling]

As with many things it depends.

When I got married I had a small nontraditional ceremony.  I had no issue with people posting pics of the reception but the ceremony itself was something very private and I didn't want them public.  Before the ceremony We did have an announcement made asking people to refrain from taking pictures of the ceremony or the alter.  And still a few cell phone shots escaped.  I chose not to be to upset but I admit I was irritated.

[Lynn2000]

As with many things it depends.

When I got married I had a small nontraditional ceremony.  I had no issue with people posting pics of the reception but the ceremony itself was something very private and I didn't want them public.  Before the ceremony We did have an announcement made asking people to refrain from taking pictures of the ceremony or the alter.  And still a few cell phone shots escaped.  I chose not to be to upset but I admit I was irritated.

That would be frustrating. I do think there's a difference between an event where the "host" wants to be the first to post pictures of it, and an event where the host specifically says no photos at all should be taken or wants all photos to remain private forever. If someone posts photos early in the first instance, well, maybe the host is annoyed but personally I think it's ambiguous as to whether they are really being rude. If someone posts photos in the second instance, I think that's much worse, because it completely disrespects the host's wishes for privacy, especially if it's due to some kind of cultural or religious belief. But, I might be oversensitive on that point; there's a cultural group near us that is not allowed to have their pictures taken, and it really bugs me when tourists or even locals who should know better try to "sneak" photos of them.