Author Topic: Did I say too much?  (Read 4498 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Did I say too much?
« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2013, 10:25:10 AM »
It is tough to know what to do in that situation. :( I've been trying to picture what I, as the interviewer, would find weirder. If I asked someone how their former boss would describe them, and they went into any amount of detail about how their former boss didn't like them and would say they were a bad person, I would be rather taken aback. It's kind of like going on a blind date and having the person badmouth their ex (that I asked about)--in the absence of other knowledge about the person you're talking to, you don't know if it's them being paranoid/claiming they've been wronged, or if they're being completely accurate. Of course a lot depends on exactly what is said, tone, body language, etc..

But if someone took my interview question and made it more about their own strengths and weaknesses, perhaps tweaking it slightly in a way that I probably wouldn't even notice ("I hope she would say..."), that would seem perfectly normal to me. Then, if I actually called that boss, and they started ranting and raving about the person, in a way that did not match my own impression or the other references I'd talked to, it would seem more likely to me that it was the boss who was wacko. Even if they calmly and matter-of-factly said the person was bad, and this didn't match other things I'd heard, it would still just be a question mark, not necessarily a negative. If I invited the person for a second interview, I might mention it to them (if that was allowed by confidentiality) and see what their side of the story was. I personally would not see it as lying/being deceptive in most cases; in fact I might be impressed with their tact.

That's just my take on it. But I've been thinking about it a lot; in the moment I can definitely see how all that wouldn't go through your head in time.
~Lynn2000

veronaz

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Re: Did I say too much?
« Reply #16 on: May 13, 2013, 12:28:42 PM »
I know how hard it is to answer such a question when you (general) left a job under bad circumstances.  BTDT, so I sympathize.  You’ve received some good feedback.

But I think the question is often a backhanded way for prospective employers to do some digging prior to actually contacting a previous employer for a reference   I was pleasantly surprised to find out that a former supervisor who I didn’t have a good relationship with actually gave me a great reference.  OTOH, someone I thought I had a good relationship with became cagey and evasive when contacted.

As far as keeping in touch with former co-workers, why would you want to listen to negative things allegedly said about you?  It serves no purpose, and I’d wonder about those people who are repeating such things. I certainly would not consider such a person to be a friend; he/she/they could very well be repeating (and adding to) things you’re saying. People love the drama.  You say you have enough for a slander suit (slander is extremely hard to prove – lots of ‘he said/she said’), but I wouldn’t count on people who still work there backing you up.  They know what side their bread is buttered on, and memories often become “hazy”.

shhh its me

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Re: Did I say too much?
« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2013, 11:01:23 PM »
  IF you KNOW she will say " she was a thief " or something similar then I think some honesty is necessary. If you were by far the best applicant and I was totally surprised by the negative reference I might do more research but if you were 1 of 4-10 approximately equal applicants I would just eliminate you.   So I'd try a combination of  I know person a b and c would say ... list positive things..My leaving wasn't amicable so I'm not sure supervisor will concur their opinions at this time.   What will other people who worked with you there say?