Author Topic: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...  (Read 8873 times)

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artk2002

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2013, 11:55:31 AM »
I would not go. I would, however, throw Dory under this particular bus. "Oh, I think Dory misunderstood. I'm not upset at all and certainly wasn't fishing for an invitation. I'm afraid she overstepped a bit by calling you and telling you that I was. Why don't I take you out to lunch in a week or so? I'd love to see you!"
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

citadelle

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #16 on: May 04, 2013, 12:50:30 PM »
I agree strongly with others that you should not go. I would respond to her email with a very light and positive response tat could not be twisted into sounding PA or hurt. Something like:

Thanks so much! I can't come, but I know you'll have a great night. Let's get together soon!

gramma dishes

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #17 on: May 04, 2013, 01:15:04 PM »
... "I totally understand (small house/lots of friends/hubs inviting), I am not upset, and while I would love to come I'm going to respect your hubs invite list - maybe next time?" 

I kind of like this one.  It lets her know that you'd honestly have liked to have been invited, but that you fully understand why you weren't and that there are absolutely no hard feelings whatsoever.

Zilla

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #18 on: May 04, 2013, 01:17:12 PM »
Any suggestions on how to reply to Annie to let her know that I appreciate it but understand?

Should I reply by email or make a phone call?
I'd just respond back "Thanks for the invitation but I can't make it tonight. And no worries about the late invite. I hope Dory didn't make it sound like I was upset. Have a good time."


I like this one as well.  And especially finding out that Dory too is a late invite as well.  That's super awkward that the one that didn't get invited brought along yet another one.  Yikes!

Knitterly

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #19 on: May 04, 2013, 01:19:28 PM »
I emailed and said basically:
"Hey, thanks for letting me know about this.  Please don't worry, I wasn't hurt at all. 
I completely understand needing to keep things small.  Please do not feel an obligation to make the guest list bigger just because someone else said something.  I was planning on having people over next weekend or the weekend after, so if you're still waiting on baby, maybe we can see each other then. :) 
And for goodness sake, don't be sorry. ;)  I really hope it wasn't communicated that I was hurt or offended in any way.  Both Dory and Carrie said something in passing about it and I assumed from the beginning that this was probably a case of a guest list growing out of control.  That tends to happen.  Often."

So then Annie called me to tell me that a bunch of people have cancelled and not as many people are coming, and please come.

So I'm going to go. 

gramma dishes

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #20 on: May 04, 2013, 01:29:58 PM »
Glad to hear the problem has resolved itself (and I think your message to her was worded perfectly).

citadelle

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #21 on: May 04, 2013, 01:33:29 PM »
Glad to hear the problem has resolved itself (and I think your message to her was worded perfectly).
Honestly, I still wouldn't go. Not out of pique, but because you can't be sure that she didn't feel pressured, even though she said she didn't.

Obviously, you know the person and the  situation better than I do, but since you asked, that is my opinion.

Allyson

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2013, 01:44:13 PM »
After your last update, I would go too. It's very likely true, about people cancelling, if I know events like this. If she hadn't asked twice I'd not have gone, but it sounds like she would genuinely like to have you there. I am a fan of taking people at their word, and while I do pay attention if it sounds like someone was pressured, she really didn't have to issue the second invitation here. And honestly it could be weird either way, if you don't go and then she feels like you wanted to go and were being polite, and you feel she was only being polite, and it turns even more awkward.

So I'd go, and if it looks like she wasn't telling the truth about the cancellations (super crowded) then I'd make my excuses, saying I didn't feel well or something. I've been in a similar situation, where someone else finds out I'm not invited to something and tries to figure out why, in the process sounding like it's me upset the situation. I understand people are trying to be helpful, but it puts everyone in a weird situation.

MariaE

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #23 on: May 04, 2013, 02:18:40 PM »
Glad to hear the problem has resolved itself (and I think your message to her was worded perfectly).

Agree on both accounts.

With the update, I'd go :)
 
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TootsNYC

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #24 on: May 04, 2013, 04:27:53 PM »
After your last update, I would go too. It's very likely true, about people cancelling, if I know events like this. If she hadn't asked twice I'd not have gone, but it sounds like she would genuinely like to have you there. I am a fan of taking people at their word, and while I do pay attention if it sounds like someone was pressured, she really didn't have to issue the second invitation here. And honestly it could be weird either way, if you don't go and then she feels like you wanted to go and were being polite, and you feel she was only being polite, and it turns even more awkward.

So I'd go, and if it looks like she wasn't telling the truth about the cancellations (super crowded) then I'd make my excuses, saying I didn't feel well or something. I've been in a similar situation, where someone else finds out I'm not invited to something and tries to figure out why, in the process sounding like it's me upset the situation. I understand people are trying to be helpful, but it puts everyone in a weird situation.

Ditto. I totally agree.

VorFemme

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #25 on: May 04, 2013, 09:25:46 PM »
Perhaps the phrasing would be, "I didn't get an invitation AND I already have plans for that *time & date*, so I wouldn't have been able to go!"

Then sit back with a glass of wine, a good book, and your feet up while enjoying your "plans".......

If you need time for yourself, you need time for yourself (says someone who took a three hour nap today and wonders why she used to fight naps when she was a child - at 55, they are much more fun than they were at 5, I don't know why).

Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

sparksals

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2013, 12:14:55 AM »
I would not go even with the update.  So others cancelled?  Sounds like more a party filler invitation rather than wanting the OP to be there.  The friend shouldn't have mentioned the cancellations. 

Deetee

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #27 on: May 05, 2013, 01:19:10 AM »
With the update I agree with going and having a great time. I think your original email was perfect too. I'm a big fan of people just accepting that everything includes everyone. I'm also a fan of taking people at their word.

I host a lot. ( just had dinner for seven including two spur of the moment invites) but I don't host everyone all the time and neither do my friends and family.  If I invite someone is because I want them there. It sometimes is that simple.

sammycat

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #28 on: May 05, 2013, 01:35:56 AM »
I would not go even with the update.  So others cancelled?  Sounds like more a party filler invitation rather than wanting the OP to be there.  The friend shouldn't have mentioned the cancellations.

I agree.  I'd feel incredibly awkward being there.

MariaE

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Re: I was not invited and I am okay with that, but...
« Reply #29 on: May 05, 2013, 01:47:39 AM »
I would not go even with the update.  So others cancelled?  Sounds like more a party filler invitation rather than wanting the OP to be there.  The friend shouldn't have mentioned the cancellations.

I don't mind being party filler  ;D I know it's not etiqually correct, but knowing I've been invited as a B list doesn't bother me in cases like this one where the fact that I'm on a B list makes perfect sense.

Being party filler (or B listed) doesn't mean that the host doesn't genuinely want you there, so it wouldn't make me feel awkward at all.
 
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