Author Topic: s/o: "wasn't invited" -- after-the-fact  (Read 7899 times)

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Daydream

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Re: s/o: "wasn't invited" -- after-the-fact
« Reply #45 on: May 07, 2013, 04:09:54 PM »
All of these stories are awful.  I feel for anyone who has been through this type of thing and felt hurt by it.



She did poke her head into my cube at the end of the day and say "I guess you've heard by now that I had a party on Saturday night. I didn't invite you because my house isn't kid-friendly." (I was the only one in the office that had kids.) No apology. Just a simple statement of fact.

I just shrugged my shoulders and said "Okay." What else was I suppose to say after-the-fact?

Certainly not what I wanted to say "Have you never heard the term Babysitter?" I think that would have been rude.

I did, however, manage to find other things to do whenever she asked me for coffee. :-\


I think a very natural reaction of a confused look and, "Oh?  But they would be at home with the babysitter,"  would not have been rude at all. 

I might also have added with a chuckle, "You don't mean that you think that I have to be in a childproof environment at all times now just because I have kids at homeI'm still a grownup!"

I'd hope she'd realize that she'd made a very interesting assumption.  Of course I'm thinking of this without actually having been in the moment, though.

I wouldn't want to go for coffee with her after that either.   :-\

VorFemme

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Re: s/o: "wasn't invited" -- after-the-fact
« Reply #46 on: May 07, 2013, 07:11:23 PM »
Many years ago I left work on Friday evening, and said good bye to my boss.

He said "Have a good evening. See you tomorrow!"

I said "Tomorrow? Am I suppose to work OT tomorrow?"

He looked like a deer stuck in headlights and stammered "Uh, no. Um. No! No OT. Ahhhh I guess, um, I meant to say, um, see you Monday?"

I didn't think anything of it until Monday when I heard several CWs say to another CW "Great party!" "Thanks for the party!" "Your home is beautiful!" "We had such a good time!"

Turns out CW had a housewarming party and invited the whole office except for me.

For months (just the two of us would go out to lunch together at least once a week, go for coffee, etc.) I'd been listening to her regale about the construction/decoration/planning/highs and lows. I thought that we were friends.

She did poke her head into my cube at the end of the day and say "I guess you've heard by now that I had a party on Saturday night. I didn't invite you because my house isn't kid-friendly." (I was the only one in the office that had kids.) No apology. Just a simple statement of fact.

I just shrugged my shoulders and said "Okay." What else was I suppose to say after-the-fact?

Certainly not what I wanted to say "Have you never heard the term Babysitter?" I think that would have been rude.

I did, however, manage to find other things to do whenever she asked me for coffee. :-\

OH that's just wrong. It assumes you would have brought your kids regardless of whether or not they were invited, and that you wouldn't have or couldn't have gotten a babysitter. I would have wanted to respond with the same thing you didn't say, because I can be snarky like that sometimes.  Bad enough everyone but you was invited, but the added insult was her coming to you and telling you, yeah, I had a party, and you weren't invited, and this is why. jr hs behavior.

Yeah, I also would have found other things to do when she wanted to go for coffee too.

Sadly, these days, so many people are completely clueless and think that their child is welcome everywhere...even though invitations state "No children please" and people discuss how a party is adult-only.  Maybe she thought that, despite telling you that your child wasn't invited, you might have shown up with him anyway.

I've been burned before with some friends showing up with offspring that I had specifically said were not welcome....I don't invite these friends to my parties anymore.

I had it happen repeatedly in the 1980s.  To really make their visits special, Mr. would drink just enough that he couldn't drive home.  Mrs. couldn't drive (grew up in Chicago riding the El).  And the oldest was a bedwetter at 9.......he slept on a foam futon that could be hosed off & dried in the sunshine and we got rid of it when they moved away.   I liked them - but there were days when I would have happily driven them HOME after a party at our house, if we'd had a car large enough - and if there'd been any way to get back to my house (no mass transit where we lived).
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

lilfox

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Re: s/o: "wasn't invited" -- after-the-fact
« Reply #47 on: May 07, 2013, 10:18:02 PM »
I remember a few times in grad school, when I was the new student, being invited to join a small group of people for lunch.  They would talk about the fun past weekend and their fun plans for the next weekend or whatever, without offering me an invitation for the future or acknowledging that I hadn't been invited to the past things.

I figured if they invited me for lunch, maybe they would want to hang out at other times, but a few attempts to say things like "Oh that sounds fun" or "I should try that place sometime" with no effect, I quickly found other stuff to do at lunch.  Who needs to hear about how you're being left out the rest of the time?  I found out much later that they didn't invite me to other things because I was friends with someone they didn't like, and they were afraid I would bring her too.  Nice.

dietcokeofevil

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Re: s/o: "wasn't invited" -- after-the-fact
« Reply #48 on: May 07, 2013, 11:01:47 PM »
A few years back, one of my co-workers was leaving the company and I attended her farewell lunch.  It came up at the lunch that almost everyone was also meeting after work at a local bar.  She told me that she didn't invite me, because I was pregnant.  I guess I wouldn't be able to control myself around alcohol or something.