Author Topic: Must I B My Own B?  (Read 5333 times)

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lellah

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Must I B My Own B?
« on: May 04, 2013, 04:55:38 PM »
I've been invited to a large, casual party this weekend, kind of an open house/bbq thing.  The invitation mentioned the meats the hosts will be cooking along with the side dishes and desserts they'll be serving.  The invite also said to BYOB and, if you're disinterested by the meat offered, your own meat as well.

I tend to think that's a perfectly appropriate method of invitation among a certain type of people and these people are that type.  So let's ignore the propriety of BYOB altogether.

I do not eat meat of any kind, and it's been my experience that parties of this sort result in a positive glut of alcohol of various sorts.  It seems a waste of my temporarily tight budget to spring for a nice bottle of wine under those circumstances.

Would it be too odd to bring along mixers for the alcohol?  Or perhaps a covered dish that fits in with the other foods being served?  Or, if I'm not staying long and do not plan to eat, may I bring nothing? 

guihong

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2013, 04:58:50 PM »
I thought BYOB referred to any kind of drink-soda, bottled water, any of that-not just alcohol. 

I wouldn't bring food because the hosts already said they were providing that. 

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LadyL

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2013, 04:59:35 PM »


I think mixers or a covered dish sound great. I think it's best to show up with something though, even if you're not staying long. Often a bag of ice is greatly appreciated!

TootsNYC

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2013, 05:28:16 PM »
Were I your host, I would say, "bring whatever YOU would like to drink or eat."

That's what the "Y" means, actually. "Your."

And if what you want to bring is something that will go beyond the "Y" (which is nice, and also I think sort of appropriate and maybe even a bit necessary), then I think your sense of what others bring is going to be way more accurate than ours.

In *my* world, people don't bring hard liquor that would need mixers. They bring beer, wine, or soda. You know about your world.

SleepyKitty

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2013, 06:19:48 PM »
In my circle, it all depends on what you're planning to drink.

If you're not going to have alcohol at all, I'd bring along a soft drink/mixer type. I actually love making home-made iced green tea with honey and fresh fruit - it's delicious, summery, cheap, and way better than Coke or Pepsi in my humble opinion. :) In fact, I would find it a little weird if someone brought alcohol not intending to have any.

If you want to have alcohol, then (again, just in my experience) it gets a little trickier. In my circle, those who contribute alcohol feel free to sample other people's - so, if I brought a six pack of hard cider, I would feel comfortable grabbing a beer from someone else's six pack - but within reason. One beer, okay. Three or four, not so much, even if they're from different contributions. You're more or less expected to drink what you brought, so if you don't bring alcohol, you're not part of the sampling group. Of course, sometimes you're close enough with another attendee that you can snag a drink from them freely.

And if you're not staying long, don't bring anything at all! A BYOB isn't a potluck, after all, and there's no reason you need to contribute anything you won't be consuming.

TootsNYC

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2013, 06:48:10 PM »
I think I'd bring something, especially *because* I wasn't staying long. I wouldn't want to look as though the only reason I came was for the food.

I wouldn't automatically bring food, esp. not in this situation, but I'd bring a six-pack of ginger-ale and leave it behind.

White Lotus

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2013, 07:05:38 PM »
Around here, for casual BBQs, the hosts typically say what they are providing (typically burgers, chicken, sausages, condiments, one salad or side dish and one dessert) and other people bring whatever else they want to grill and some salad, dessert or side dish to share, and while there will be one beverage -- often iced tea or lemonade -- everyone brings what they want to drink.  Just plan on sharing that six-pack or bottle of wine.  Beverages are usually open season.  If it is out, it is fine to drink it.  Prepare to secret your private stash.

Twik

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2013, 07:10:17 PM »
I agree, bring *your* own bottle. You don't have to provide alcohol for other people if you don't drink it yourself.
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kudeebee

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2013, 07:33:42 PM »
You are being invited to a bbq.  The hosts are providing food and I am sure will have water available, even if it is from the tap or fridge.  The byob means that you can bring a drink of your choice, soda, water, alcohol if you want to.  If you just want water, you wouldn't need to bring another drink along.

Do not bring a covered dish as the hosts have the food covered. If you don't want to bring drinks, don't.  There is no problem with going for the food as that is what you are being invited for.

DottyG

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2013, 07:39:15 PM »
Since she's not going to eat the meat at all, I think a side would be fine.


CakeEater

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2013, 09:52:03 PM »
The invitation has asked you to bring something you would like to drink and meat if you want to. So take something for yourself to drink and that's it. Don't take a side dish.

Bijou

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2013, 11:14:42 PM »
I've been invited to a large, casual party this weekend, kind of an open house/bbq thing.  The invitation mentioned the meats the hosts will be cooking along with the side dishes and desserts they'll be serving.  The invite also said to BYOB and, if you're disinterested by the meat offered, your own meat as well.

I tend to think that's a perfectly appropriate method of invitation among a certain type of people and these people are that type.  So let's ignore the propriety of BYOB altogether.

I do not eat meat of any kind, and it's been my experience that parties of this sort result in a positive glut of alcohol of various sorts.  It seems a waste of my temporarily tight budget to spring for a nice bottle of wine under those circumstances.

Would it be too odd to bring along mixers for the alcohol?  Or perhaps a covered dish that fits in with the other foods being served?  Or, if I'm not staying long and do not plan to eat, may I bring nothing?
If you are talking about bringing mixes and drinking someone else's alcoholic beverage with it I think you would be making a mistake that could brand you as a moocher.  I've been to enough byob parties that I know that people bring what they want to drink for themselves and are not happy with people who try to share it. 
I think it would be fine to bring a covered dish that fits in, and I would bring that anyway regardless of whether I planned to stay and eat or not, especially since snacks are usually also provided and you will probably be partaking of those.
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Raintree

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2013, 11:26:36 PM »
To me, BYOB means that the hosts are not providing booze, and if you wish to drink an alcoholic beverage, you supply it yourself. True, people do share, and mix and match, but I don't think it would be cool to drink other people's alcohol without bringing some yourself to share. As a PP said, that would classify you as a moocher, even if there is a glut of alcohol other people have brought.

What I do if I want to have an alcoholic beverage at this type of party, but I'm too broke to buy a lot of it and leave it there, is I buy a single serving size beer for myself, or I team up with another person who is going to share a bottle of wine. I avoid buying a six-pack as I usually end up drinking one or two and leaving the rest there, as it feels tacky to take it home with me again. So I buy only what I plan to consume.

If you're thinking of a nice bottle of wine as a host/ess gift, that's another matter. It would be a nice gesture, since they are providing a lot of food, but that is separate from the BYOB issue. You could bring them some flowers or something.

sparksals

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2013, 11:56:24 PM »
I have never heard of BYOB to mean anything except to bring your own booze.  A host should be providing pop, water  and other beverages. 

MariaE

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Re: Must I B My Own B?
« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2013, 01:43:15 AM »
I have never heard of BYOB to mean anything except to bring your own booze.  A host should be providing pop, water  and other beverages.

This is my experience as well. I was really surprised by guihong's post, because I couldn't understand how she got that from BYOB.... Until I realized her B was for Bottle, not for Booze ;)
 
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