Author Topic: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused  (Read 12372 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #30 on: May 05, 2013, 09:31:18 PM »
If a friend is denying me use if their bathroom when I have come to their home at their request, I am going to assume they are planning a huge surprise for me or that their bathroom is so filthy I wouldn't want to use it.  Since you didn't return to a surprise party I'm guessing the coffee shop bathroom was in much better condition. 

Sharnita

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #31 on: May 05, 2013, 09:51:49 PM »
If a friend is denying me use if their bathroom when I have come to their home at their request, I am going to assume they are planning a huge surprise for me or that their bathroom is so filthy I wouldn't want to use it.  Since you didn't return to a surprise party I'm guessing the coffee shop bathroom was in much better condition.

lol, good point.  What if OP had entered and the place reeally was bad enough to make her think twice about using the restroom?  How would you then gracefully indicate you had decided to go to a public resroom instead? Maybe it was for the best after all.

NyaChan

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #32 on: May 05, 2013, 10:47:01 PM »
I think the fact that you pretty much offered to go somewhere else changes things though.  If you had indicated that it was in any way an urgent need, then yes, I think a friend should have let you in.  But once you told her that it was fine for her to say no, is it fair to then hold it against her for taking you at your word?

gramma dishes

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #33 on: May 05, 2013, 10:52:33 PM »
But the friend KNEW the OP was coming over to her house.  It was a planned event.  OP didn't just 'drop by'.

The friend KNEW the OP was pregnant and should have realized that there was at least some possibility that she might really genuinely need to use the bathroom at some time or another either before or after their joint bike ride.

How long does it take to straighten up a bathroom at least well enough that you wouldn't be embarrassed to let your pregnant friend use it?  It's not like she's the Queen of England or Martha Stewart or the photographer from House Beautiful or something.

If there was a plumbing problem, that's different of course.   But then the friend should have said so.

Sophia

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #34 on: May 05, 2013, 11:17:44 PM »
I agree with the dismembered body parts post.  Or maybe some weird or shocking activities going on. 

Unless the friend wasn't really a friend.  If it were a distant associate, my mess embarrassment might cause me to say no.  But, probably not. 

TeamBhakta

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #35 on: May 05, 2013, 11:23:30 PM »
Maybe she had a *~gentleman caller~*  >:D To quote Blanche Devereaux's daughter "Well, you sure are in a good mood for a Sunday morning. Oh.....um, Sarah and I can wait in the kitchen if you need a few minutes to say goodbye to Uncle Whoever."
« Last Edit: May 05, 2013, 11:29:38 PM by TeamBhakta »

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #36 on: May 05, 2013, 11:37:10 PM »
But the friend KNEW the OP was coming over to her house.  It was a planned event.  OP didn't just 'drop by'.

The friend KNEW the OP was pregnant and should have realized that there was at least some possibility that she might really genuinely need to use the bathroom at some time or another either before or after their joint bike ride.

How long does it take to straighten up a bathroom at least well enough that you wouldn't be embarrassed to let your pregnant friend use it?  It's not like she's the Queen of England or Martha Stewart or the photographer from House Beautiful or something.

If there was a plumbing problem, that's different of course.   But then the friend should have said so.

I agree with this. I think it was unreasonable of the OP's friend not to let her use the bathroom.

OP, I think you were extremely kind and gracious in giving her an "out" (ie offering to use the coffee shop's bathroom).

sparksals

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #37 on: May 06, 2013, 12:13:12 AM »
I think your friend was fine to refuse. I probably would have also refused.

I don't like people in my house. I can deal with it if I have plenty of notice, but not in a case like the OP's.


The OP didn't drop in. She was doing the friend a favour! 

johelenc1

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #38 on: May 06, 2013, 12:33:40 AM »
Had a friend of mine, a friend mind you - not a random stranger, refused to let me use their bathroom when I asked, ESPECIALLY if I was pregnant...I would ride my little bicycle over to the coffee shop - and keep right on riding.  That would be the end of the friendship for me. 

I'm pretty tolerant of quirks and not easily offended at all, but barring some issue like hoarding (clearly not the case since the OP had been in the home before), but this is pretty inexcusable to me.  Using the bathroom is a pretty basic function, like needing water if dehydrated.  To be denied such a thing by a "friend" would be a hill to die on for me.

MariaE

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #39 on: May 06, 2013, 01:01:35 AM »
Had a friend of mine, a friend mind you - not a random stranger, refused to let me use their bathroom when I asked, ESPECIALLY if I was pregnant...I would ride my little bicycle over to the coffee shop - and keep right on riding.  That would be the end of the friendship for me. 

I'm pretty tolerant of quirks and not easily offended at all, but barring some issue like hoarding (clearly not the case since the OP had been in the home before), but this is pretty inexcusable to me.  Using the bathroom is a pretty basic function, like needing water if dehydrated.  To be denied such a thing by a "friend" would be a hill to die on for me.

My thought exactly. The friend was ridiculously rude. Denying a friend access to a toilet is just not done.
 
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StarFaerie

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #40 on: May 06, 2013, 03:04:10 AM »

How long does it take to straighten up a bathroom at least well enough that you wouldn't be embarrassed to let your pregnant friend use it?  It's not like she's the Queen of England or Martha Stewart or the photographer from House Beautiful or something.


For me? Well, the downstairs toilet is at the back of the house, so first, depending on the day and how I've been travelling, I'd have to clean up the hall way, and the lounge and then the dining room, and the kitchen, and the laundry including all the clothes on the floor there, but my toilet is cleanish, so say 3-4 days to get it to a point that I wouldn't be worried they'd injure themselves. I am a very messy person and sometimes my house is worse than others depending on my workload, my son and whether I have enough energy to clean (I have an illness that makes me extremely tired so that going to work usually uses all the energy I have in a day)

As an example, while watching the boston bombers being hunted they announced on TV that the police would be going house to house searching for him inside and out. I realised that if that ever happened to me I would demand to see their warrant and then refuse them entry, not because I believe in my civil rights or anything, but because I would prefer the chance of a homicidal maniac over the embarrassment of having the police enter my home when it is at it's worst. At least the homicidal maniac isn't expecting it to be clean and I'm not inviting him in.

So absolutely I would refuse entry to a friend if there was any other option for them. And I have refused entry to my mother when she asked to use the toilet once as she is the most judgmental person I know. If there was no other option and it was a bad mess day, I'd probably let them in but may never contact them again due to my embarrassment.

Aoife

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #41 on: May 06, 2013, 03:55:15 AM »
OP again

I think the fact that you pretty much offered to go somewhere else changes things though.  If you had indicated that it was in any way an urgent need, then yes, I think a friend should have let you in.  But once you told her that it was fine for her to say no, is it fair to then hold it against her for taking you at your word?

I'm not holding it against her, I was a bit miffed but I've got over it. To be honest, when I offered to go to the coffee shop, I expected her to say 'oh no, come in but ignore the mess' but she obviously wasn't comfortable doing that for whatever reason. I'm going to put it down as just one of those things and in future make sure I stop in somewhere on the way before I arrive at her house.

Edited because of bad grammar.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2013, 03:57:33 AM by Aoife »

sparksals

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #42 on: May 06, 2013, 05:47:33 AM »
Had a friend of mine, a friend mind you - not a random stranger, refused to let me use their bathroom when I asked, ESPECIALLY if I was pregnant...I would ride my little bicycle over to the coffee shop - and keep right on riding.  That would be the end of the friendship for me. 

I'm pretty tolerant of quirks and not easily offended at all, but barring some issue like hoarding (clearly not the case since the OP had been in the home before), but this is pretty inexcusable to me.  Using the bathroom is a pretty basic function, like needing water if dehydrated.  To be denied such a thing by a "friend" would be a hill to die on for me.

It would be for me too. 

sparksals

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #43 on: May 06, 2013, 06:00:49 AM »

How long does it take to straighten up a bathroom at least well enough that you wouldn't be embarrassed to let your pregnant friend use it?  It's not like she's the Queen of England or Martha Stewart or the photographer from House Beautiful or something.


For me? Well, the downstairs toilet is at the back of the house, so first, depending on the day and how I've been travelling, I'd have to clean up the hall way, and the lounge and then the dining room, and the kitchen, and the laundry including all the clothes on the floor there, but my toilet is cleanish, so say 3-4 days to get it to a point that I wouldn't be worried they'd injure themselves. I am a very messy person and sometimes my house is worse than others depending on my workload, my son and whether I have enough energy to clean (I have an illness that makes me extremely tired so that going to work usually uses all the energy I have in a day)

As an example, while watching the boston bombers being hunted they announced on TV that the police would be going house to house searching for him inside and out. I realised that if that ever happened to me I would demand to see their warrant and then refuse them entry, not because I believe in my civil rights or anything, but because I would prefer the chance of a homicidal maniac over the embarrassment of having the police enter my home when it is at it's worst. At least the homicidal maniac isn't expecting it to be clean and I'm not inviting him in.

So absolutely I would refuse entry to a friend if there was any other option for them. And I have refused entry to my mother when she asked to use the toilet once as she is the most judgmental person I know. If there was no other option and it was a bad mess day, I'd probably let them in but may never contact them again due to my embarrassment.

Your post makes me wonder if anyone DID refuse authorities entry to their home.   I would think it would put them on the radar no matter how innocent they are. 

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: Asking to use a friend's toilet and being refused
« Reply #44 on: May 06, 2013, 06:40:44 AM »
Unless I was actually storing a dismembered body in the bathtub I can't imagine not allowing a friend to use my bathroom.


Haha, as a friend I would Offer to help you dispose of the evidence aka body  8)

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