Author Topic: Family breakfast  (Read 9944 times)

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Roe

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #45 on: May 06, 2013, 01:48:41 PM »
I am with OP on this..maybe it is their family dynamics but I would have the same feelings as her  if I saw a family out to eat and everyone is studiously ignoring each other. People use their phone/tablets/ipods constantly to the point of tuning out others (and yes, I love my ipod for when I am on the bus or house cleaning) .  I would almost bet that is how the family is normally and I do see this as the norm in  more and more families.  My dad read the paper during meals...but he would bring something up and we would discuss it.  We were allowed to have a book at breakfast time, but we would speak to each other too.  In my own family, the tv is on but it is more background noise and while it may sometimes be a quiet meal we are not ignoring each other, which is the feeling I get when I am with someone who cannot tear themselves away from their electronics.  If I am not good enough company for you to set that stuff down for an hour, then by all means, don't ask me out.   And with kids...they are only going to be kids for awhile so I would much rather talk to them then listen to my ipod or text someone or check facebook.  I think some people have judged oogyda real harsh on here for this.  She didn't make snarky comments at the family, she saw something at a table by her and found it off and posted.


Just because we use newer forms of technology doesn't mean that people are tuning one another out.  Like I said before, DH and I use our iPads every Saturday morning as we eat breakfast.  (we are at home but still...same point) In my grandparents day, they used the newspaper as we use our iPads.  Either way, we don't tune one another out.  We bring up current events and discuss.  Our boys do the same with their phones and/or iPods.  We don't use our technology while we are out eating dinner somewhere but I'm not going to judge a family if they do.  After all, family dynamics can be complicated and quite personal. 

To assume that they are ignoring one another is an interesting assumption.

Also, Denny's is a location that travelers often dine at so as a PP mentioned, maybe they were a traveling family that needed a break from each other. My point is that there are so many variables that it would be impossible to know their family dynamics in a 30min period.  Plus, as another PP mentioned, the OP was so focused on them that she, in turn, ignored her breakfast mate.  We eat out often and I couldn't tell you what other families do or don't do, unless they cause a huge distraction.  I'm there to enjoy my meal and interact with my family.  How we interact with one another is no one else's business but our own.

If the OP had posted about a family who caused a major disruption while having breakfast, I'm sure she would've gotten different responses.  As it was, the family was minding their own business.

RebeccainGA

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #46 on: May 06, 2013, 02:43:20 PM »
My DP and I spend nearly every evening like this - I'm on my iPad, she's on her phone or laptop, we're watching TV at the same time, and yet, we have great conversations (I hold up the iPad to show her something, she hands me the phone or sends me a link, we discuss while the TV is paused, and continue once we're ready). We've done it out in public, many times - frequently one of us is reading something the other one sent them, or one is checking the weather and transferring funds while the other one checks out maps and info for an event we're heading to. If everyone's OK with it, tech can be fine.

Now, if this happened while we were at a pricy restaurant on a date or something, I think I'd be offended - but at a routine, 'pit stop' sort of meal? Especially breakfast, where some of us aren't awake yet? No big deal as far as that goes, in my family.

Two Ravens

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #47 on: May 06, 2013, 02:48:11 PM »
The thing is, the OP doesn't know this family or their dynamics.  If she saw the father attempt to talk to his family and was ignored, then we can judge the family as rude.  But that's not the case.  He may even have asked for a quiet breakfast.

Also, most of the time, when people ask questions on this forum, it is because they were personally affected in some way. This family had no interaction with the OP. To me, asking if they were rude is akin to asking if a tree makes a sound when it falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it.

bansidhe

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #48 on: May 06, 2013, 03:04:45 PM »
I think some people have judged oogyda real harsh on here for this.  She didn't make snarky comments at the family, she saw something at a table by her and found it off and posted.

Ditto. She expressed an opinion about the matter, just like people on this forum express opinions about other people's behavior all the time - including behavior I wouldn't give a second thought, let alone post about. Different strokes, etc.

She didn't claim that she knew that the behavior she witnessed was the norm for the family, nor did she imply that their behavior is a sign of the end times or anything else dramatic. She just said that it struck her as odd and might be considered discourteous (to each other).

Not sure what the big deal is.
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gellchom

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #49 on: May 06, 2013, 03:15:00 PM »
The dad could have been as engrossed in his own thoughts as his family was in their gadgets.  Just because someone doesn't have an i-pad in front of them, doesn't mean their mind is blank.  For all we know he could have been sitting there lost in thought:

I can't believe Bob showed up to the office yesterday in a penguin tie.  Everyone knows penguins are my signature style.  He's such a copycat.  I bet he doesn't even know what kind of penguins were on his tie.  Why does that lady keep looking over here?  Maybe she likes my tie. I don't care what anyone says, today I'm putting the blueberry syrup on my waffles.  And the strawberry!
Oh, how I LOVE this!  Bonus points for working the OP into the reverie.

I do think that that OP sounded a little holier than thou, but I also agree that commenting on an observed lapse, or arguable lapse, of etiquette is not inappropriate on an etiquette board.  Every post doesn't have to be a request for help.  And in this case, tone aside, look at the interesting differing points of view that have been elicited.

rose red

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #50 on: May 06, 2013, 03:39:55 PM »
I think people are reacting strongly to implying the family was rude to "poor" dad, and that if this was the new norm, than she's staying home when she doesn't know if that was the norm.  Even if this is the new norm, you don't have to follow or have it affect your own meal.

If the OP has said "I thought it was so odd.  What do you think of this behavior?" I don't think the reaction would be as strong as they have been.

Yvaine

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #51 on: May 06, 2013, 03:41:58 PM »
I think people are reacting strongly to implying the family was rude to "poor" dad, and that if this was the new norm, than she's staying home when she doesn't know if that was the norm.  Even if this is the new norm, you don't have to follow or have it affect your own meal.

If the OP has said "I thought it was so odd.  What do you think of this behavior?" I don't think the reaction would be as strong as they have been.

This, exactly. The tone did make it sound like an "end of civilization" thing to me. I've seen it in several threads, actually--someone will do something rude/annoying, and then the post takes the tone of "this must be what everyone is doing now," which is often not true.

Two Ravens

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #52 on: May 06, 2013, 04:30:52 PM »
It reminded me of an experience I had. My husband and I were at breakfast and he was looking at his phone. The waitress came by to refill our coffee and loudly scolded him. "You need to put that phone down and pay attention to your wife!"

The thing was, he was playing Wordfeud on his phone...with me. It was just his turn. We were both pretty amused.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2013, 05:00:31 PM by Two Ravens »

Hmmmmm

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #53 on: May 06, 2013, 04:57:01 PM »
It reminded me of an experience I had. My husband and I were at breakfast and he was looking at his phone. The waitress came by to refill our coffee and loudly scolded him. "You need to put that phone down and pay attention to your wife!"

The thing was, he was playing Wordfued on his phone...with me. It was just his turn. We were both pretty amused.

DD and I had a similar experience playing Drawsomething. But it was my sister walking up to meet us at a restaurant and she thought she was being clever scolding us for ignoring each other.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #54 on: May 06, 2013, 05:03:29 PM »
It reminded me of an experience I had. My husband and I were at breakfast and he was looking at his phone. The waitress came by to refill our coffee and loudly scolded him. "You need to put that phone down and pay attention to your wife!"

The thing was, he was playing Wordfued on his phone...with me. It was just his turn. We were both pretty amused.

DH and I once knew a couple who would text to each other in public places so they could have private conversations or make jokes without being overheard.  Or they liked to make up stories while people watching which can't easily be done aloud.

DH and I both have smartphones and sometimes when together we'll pull them up to look something up that's pertinent to our conversation or answer a random text here and there but otherwise our attention is on each other.  Neither of us have tablets and aren't all that interested in getting them and I have little interest in getting my children tablets either. We've told them if they want something like that they'll have to earn the money to get it themselves because I'm sure they'd appreciate it more if they bought it themselves.  Though our oldest has a phone but that only cost us a penny. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

strawbabies

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #55 on: May 06, 2013, 05:25:57 PM »
After ordering at a restaurant, DH and I will pull out our phones and not really talk to each other much.  Once the food arrives, we put the phones away and chat over the meal. 

If the dad in the family had a problem, he is always free to talk with his own family about how they behave in a restaurant.

WillyNilly

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #56 on: May 06, 2013, 07:03:18 PM »
It reminded me of an experience I had. My husband and I were at breakfast and he was looking at his phone. The waitress came by to refill our coffee and loudly scolded him. "You need to put that phone down and pay attention to your wife!"

The thing was, he was playing Wordfued on his phone...with me. It was just his turn. We were both pretty amused.

DH and I once knew a couple who would text to each other in public places so they could have private conversations or make jokes without being overheard.  Or they liked to make up stories while people watching which can't easily be done aloud.

DH and I both have smartphones and sometimes when together we'll pull them up to look something up that's pertinent to our conversation or answer a random text here and there but otherwise our attention is on each other.  Neither of us have tablets and aren't all that interested in getting them and I have little interest in getting my children tablets either. We've told them if they want something like that they'll have to earn the money to get it themselves because I'm sure they'd appreciate it more if they bought it themselves.  Though our oldest has a phone but that only cost us a penny.

DH and I used to pull out the Scrabble (actual game, not euphemism) and play often. But now that we have Words With Friends, we don't bother with all that hardware and just play on our phones. We are still interacting the same way, only now is more mobile, literally.

ettiquit

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #57 on: May 07, 2013, 09:11:03 AM »
The dad could have been as engrossed in his own thoughts as his family was in their gadgets.  Just because someone doesn't have an i-pad in front of them, doesn't mean their mind is blank.  For all we know he could have been sitting there lost in thought:

I can't believe Bob showed up to the office yesterday in a penguin tie.  Everyone knows penguins are my signature style.  He's such a copycat.  I bet he doesn't even know what kind of penguins were on his tie.  Why does that lady keep looking over here?  Maybe she likes my tie. I don't care what anyone says, today I'm putting the blueberry syrup on my waffles.  And the strawberry!
Oh, how I LOVE this!  Bonus points for working the OP into the reverie.

I do think that that OP sounded a little holier than thou, but I also agree that commenting on an observed lapse, or arguable lapse, of etiquette is not inappropriate on an etiquette board.  Every post doesn't have to be a request for help.  And in this case, tone aside, look at the interesting differing points of view that have been elicited.

You seem to be enjoying putting the OP in her place.

I think the criticism of the OP in this thread is a bit over the top, honestly.  She already acknowledged that she felt appropriately chastised.

oogyda

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #58 on: May 07, 2013, 10:19:34 AM »
Oogyda, when you post on a public forum, it is unreasonable to expect everyone else to hold the opinions you do.  If you cannot be civil about a difference of opinion, this forum is not a good fit for you.

I don't expect everyone else to hold the opinions I do, and in fact, have enjoyed many of the posts expressing differing points of view. 

What I don't expect is be called judgmental and holier than thou. 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

Miss Unleaded

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #59 on: May 07, 2013, 11:13:56 AM »

Just because we use newer forms of technology doesn't mean that people are tuning one another out.  Like I said before, DH and I use our iPads every Saturday morning as we eat breakfast.  (we are at home but still...same point) In my grandparents day, they used the newspaper as we use our iPads. 

...

In the scenario you describe, all parties have reading materials.  In the OP's scenario the dad didn't.  To me it feels rude to read when the other person at the table doesn't have reading material, unless you know they aren't bothered by it.  I generally carry my tablet everywhere and have a lot of books on it so I always have something to read, but I wouldn't get it out if there were other people at the table who weren't reading.  It just feels really off to me.  And if I saw someone in the situation the OP describes I'd feel quite bad for the guy.

It's possible the dad may not have been bothered (we don't know), but my feeling is that reading at the table when others are not is rude unless you know it doesn't bother them.


I think the criticism of the OP in this thread is a bit over the top, honestly.  She already acknowledged that she felt appropriately chastised.

Yeah I agree.