Author Topic: Family breakfast  (Read 10114 times)

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sunnygirl

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #30 on: May 06, 2013, 10:57:45 AM »
I agree that you can't pass judgement based on so little.
I have a close family member who has a form of autism. Sometimes he can have interact with others, but sometimes it's like shutters come down and he is literally incapable of communicating and seems genuinely unaware anyone else is there (like, when he finishes eating, he'll stand up and try to walk out of the restaurant and go home, even if I'm still eating). I am a very social person and love to chat constantly, and I find spending time with him when he is in "locked in" mode quite upsetting. If the two of us are alone and he goes into locked-in mode, I will put in my iPod and go on my phone, without any guilt -- I'm certainly not going to spend an entire meal staring at the wall in silence with someone who acts like I'm not there.

Obviously this is an extreme and probably very unusual example, the point is you don't know what circumstances go on in anyone else's life.

Also, I agree that we do make all kinds of silent (sometimes subconscious) judgements about people we see; we can't stop ourselves from having thoughts. But I think there is a difference between a judgmental thought entering your head, and starting a public thread online about it to denounce them. I mean, whenever I see someone wearing a certain item of clothing my brain goes, "eww" but I'd never start a thread saying, "People who wear X are tacky and awful."


Chaney

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #31 on: May 06, 2013, 11:37:32 AM »

If this is this the new way to do a family breakfast, I think I'll stay home and have a bowl of cereal.

I read this to mean that if she was part of that family she would rather stay home, not that she won't go out with her DH because of it. 

turnip

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #32 on: May 06, 2013, 11:55:53 AM »

These people were not eating breakfast in their own home. They were dining out at a restaurant. This was a family with teenage kids. OP was the only one of us who was there and says the dad did not look impressed. Why can't we take that on face value and accept it for the purposes of the discussion? IMHO it is rude not to give your dining companions your full attention. The fact that the dad was left sitting on his own while his family were engaged with ipad/cell/ipod was pretty rude behavior on the part of his family IMO.

So be it if I'm in the minority.

I also don't feel OP was 'judgmental' or 'rude' in any way whatsoever to post this topic/observation about the family.

From all the time the OP spent observing the (non)interactions of the people at the next table, I'd say it's very clear that s/he wasn't giving his/her companion his/her full attention.    I certainly couldn't give you such detailed information on the people around me from the last time I ate out at a restaurant. 


Yvaine

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #33 on: May 06, 2013, 11:58:36 AM »

These people were not eating breakfast in their own home. They were dining out at a restaurant. This was a family with teenage kids. OP was the only one of us who was there and says the dad did not look impressed. Why can't we take that on face value and accept it for the purposes of the discussion? IMHO it is rude not to give your dining companions your full attention. The fact that the dad was left sitting on his own while his family were engaged with ipad/cell/ipod was pretty rude behavior on the part of his family IMO.

So be it if I'm in the minority.

I also don't feel OP was 'judgmental' or 'rude' in any way whatsoever to post this topic/observation about the family.

From all the time the OP spent observing the (non)interactions of the people at the next table, I'd say it's very clear that s/he wasn't giving his/her companion his/her full attention.    I certainly couldn't give you such detailed information on the people around me from the last time I ate out at a restaurant.

This is a very good point.

oogyda

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #34 on: May 06, 2013, 12:15:54 PM »
 
Chaney, you are correct in your interpretation. 

I posted an observation and voiced my opinion about it.  I thought that's what we do on this forum. 

If that's judgmental, then so be it.

If I have offended those who also conduct their lives in this manner, I apologize. 

However, I don't view it as any more judgmental than the majority of posts (excluding, of course, certain folders).  Even on posts where the OP is asking whether something was rude or not, the responders are making judgments. 

I have been judged as judgmental on a forum that passes judgment on people's actions.  Hello Pot.  My name is Kettle.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

AngelicGamer

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #35 on: May 06, 2013, 12:20:36 PM »

Chaney, you are correct in your interpretation. 

I posted an observation and voiced my opinion about it.  I thought that's what we do on this forum. 

If that's judgmental, then so be it.

If I have offended those who also conduct their lives in this manner, I apologize. 

However, I don't view it as any more judgmental than the majority of posts (excluding, of course, certain folders).  Even on posts where the OP is asking whether something was rude or not, the responders are making judgments. 

I have been judged as judgmental on a forum that passes judgment on people's actions.  Hello Pot.  My name is Kettle.

I was with you until that.  It is uncalled for and is highly snarky.




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

ettiquit

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #36 on: May 06, 2013, 12:26:27 PM »

Chaney, you are correct in your interpretation. 

I posted an observation and voiced my opinion about it.  I thought that's what we do on this forum. 

If that's judgmental, then so be it.

If I have offended those who also conduct their lives in this manner, I apologize. 

However, I don't view it as any more judgmental than the majority of posts (excluding, of course, certain folders).  Even on posts where the OP is asking whether something was rude or not, the responders are making judgments. 

I have been judged as judgmental on a forum that passes judgment on people's actions.  Hello Pot.  My name is Kettle.

I was with you until that.  It is uncalled for and is highly snarky.

I had already been having similar thoughts (aren't most posts on eHell judgmental in nature?) too. 

I think people tend to call out the judgmental aspect when it's something they don't agree with or they're "guilty" of doing themselves.

TurtleDove

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #37 on: May 06, 2013, 12:27:08 PM »
Some people prefer to exist companionably in silence - I see this as no different than a family sitting watching TV or reading.  They are together, and the way I see it, if the "father" wanted something different he should have taken action to fix it.

As a rule, I am not on my phone when I am socializing, but I certainly don't think this is the OP's business.  Also, some people (like me) are totally capable of multitasking.  The fact I am scrolling instagram does not mean I am not listening to your story, or whatever.  Kinda like how as kids we were allowed to draw during church.  The drawing actually HELPED me concentrate as opposed to preventing me from listening to the sermon.  I find I perform better when doing more than one thing, especially if one of the things involves my hands.  I imagine some knitters here might agree (I don't knit, but I see this is requiring the same amount of effort as fooling around on a phone would).

rose red

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #38 on: May 06, 2013, 12:51:13 PM »
The thing is, the OP doesn't know this family or their dynamics.  If she saw the father attempt to talk to his family and was ignored, then we can judge the family as rude.  But that's not the case.  He may even have asked for a quiet breakfast.

Roe

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #39 on: May 06, 2013, 12:55:37 PM »
The thing is, the OP doesn't know this family or their dynamics.  If she saw the father attempt to talk to his family and was ignored, then we can judge the family as rude.  But that's not the case.  He may even have asked for a quiet breakfast.

Agree.  Most of us are saying the OP passed judgement because so much was left to the imagination.  OP's imagination let her assume (probably wrongly) that the man was so hurt by his family ignoring him.  We don't know that.  Not one bit. 

As for other posts that pass judgement, when there isn't sufficient evidence, we do ask the OP further questions or for clarification. 

Plus, the OP's post did have a "holier than thou" sense to it.  Maybe I read it wrong but that's how it read to me and I didn't appreciate it.

Wordgeek

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #40 on: May 06, 2013, 01:30:28 PM »
Oogyda, when you post on a public forum, it is unreasonable to expect everyone else to hold the opinions you do.  If you cannot be civil about a difference of opinion, this forum is not a good fit for you.

GSNW

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #41 on: May 06, 2013, 01:33:11 PM »
DH and I spend out Sunday breakfasts out talking while we are waiting for our meals (this is actually our "weekly meeting" but that's a different story) and then we read the paper while we eat.  I would be surprised if another diner found this offensive and wanted to stay home because we do this.

*inviteseller

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #42 on: May 06, 2013, 01:33:44 PM »
I am with OP on this..maybe it is their family dynamics but I would have the same feelings as her  if I saw a family out to eat and everyone is studiously ignoring each other. People use their phone/tablets/ipods constantly to the point of tuning out others (and yes, I love my ipod for when I am on the bus or house cleaning) .  I would almost bet that is how the family is normally and I do see this as the norm in  more and more families.  My dad read the paper during meals...but he would bring something up and we would discuss it.  We were allowed to have a book at breakfast time, but we would speak to each other too.  In my own family, the tv is on but it is more background noise and while it may sometimes be a quiet meal we are not ignoring each other, which is the feeling I get when I am with someone who cannot tear themselves away from their electronics.  If I am not good enough company for you to set that stuff down for an hour, then by all means, don't ask me out.   And with kids...they are only going to be kids for awhile so I would much rather talk to them then listen to my ipod or text someone or check facebook.  I think some people have judged oogyda real harsh on here for this.  She didn't make snarky comments at the family, she saw something at a table by her and found it off and posted. 

Hmmmmm

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #43 on: May 06, 2013, 01:41:11 PM »
I am with OP on this..maybe it is their family dynamics but I would have the same feelings as her  if I saw a family out to eat and everyone is studiously ignoring each other. People use their phone/tablets/ipods constantly to the point of tuning out others (and yes, I love my ipod for when I am on the bus or house cleaning) .  I would almost bet that is how the family is normally and I do see this as the norm in  more and more families.  My dad read the paper during meals...but he would bring something up and we would discuss it.  We were allowed to have a book at breakfast time, but we would speak to each other too.  In my own family, the tv is on but it is more background noise and while it may sometimes be a quiet meal we are not ignoring each other, which is the feeling I get when I am with someone who cannot tear themselves away from their electronics.  If I am not good enough company for you to set that stuff down for an hour, then by all means, don't ask me out.   And with kids...they are only going to be kids for awhile so I would much rather talk to them then listen to my ipod or text someone or check facebook.  I think some people have judged oogyda real harsh on here for this.  She didn't make snarky comments at the family, she saw something at a table by her and found it off and posted.

Why are you so sure this is their norm?

If I had seen something similar and it was apparent the family was activelyignoring the Dad, I'd wonder what he did too tick off his entire family. He's the parent. If he didnt like the behavior he has the ability to modify it.

Tabby Uprising

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Re: Family breakfast
« Reply #44 on: May 06, 2013, 01:46:55 PM »
The dad could have been as engrossed in his own thoughts as his family was in their gadgets.  Just because someone doesn't have an i-pad in front of them, doesn't mean their mind is blank.  For all we know he could have been sitting there lost in thought:

I can't believe Bob showed up to the office yesterday in a penguin tie.  Everyone knows penguins are my signature style.  He's such a copycat.  I bet he doesn't even know what kind of penguins were on his tie.  Why does that lady keep looking over here?  Maybe she likes my tie. I don't care what anyone says, today I'm putting the blueberry syrup on my waffles.  And the strawberry!