Mixing friends and business/money

[Samgirl2]

Two friends and I go to a weekly dance/excercise class together and have done for a couple of years now.  The company were recently running some new instructor training and my friend Betsy decided to go for it as she loves the class and thinks it would be a good way of earning a bit of extra cash.

She has a full-time day job and no experience of teaching this fitness thing until this 2 day course that she's been on.

The problem now is that she is starting up her own class and wants my friend Shaz and I to go to it, plus some others we know. While I'm sure it would be fun at my friend's class, I'd be paying to go and I just don't feel like she's properly qualified and I want to improve my technique which I won't with her.

We've already got together a bunch of friends to take a free test class so she could practice the routines and teaching etc but that was to help her out.  I really like the regular class I go to (and which she will continue to attend as well) because the instructor is an expert and I feel like I really learn something from it as well as getting fit.

So far she is doing one class a week on a day I can't do, so that is my excuse, but she wants to start a second one on a day she knows I can do. While I think it would be fun, it's the paying a friend for something and the fact that once I start going I wouldn't be able to easily say I don't want to do it anymore....

I know she wants to build up her classes and wants the support of her friends, but I don't know. I just don't want her to get us all along and paying money and then feeling stuck. And for her I think it would be good is she built a separate client base.

How do I say no, or at least not commit to attending every week, without hurting her feelings?

[TurtleDove]

I would focus on "that class won't fit into my schedule, but awesome you are doing that!"

[Lynn2000]

Can you say something like, "I'm really excited for your new class and I'm definitely going to recommend that people new to the technique check you out! But, my current schedule works best for me, and I feel like I'm making a lot of progress towards my goals under Instructor."

Kind of reminding her that you're not just in this to have fun with friends, you have goals and improvements you want to make. It shouldn't be a surprise to her that she's not an experienced expert in the technique, and that you would want to stick with someone who is because otherwise how would you progress?

[Luci]

..... she wants to start a second one on a day she knows I can do. While I think it would be fun, it's the paying a friend for something and the fact that once I start going I wouldn't be able to easily say I don't want to do it anymore....

How do I say no, or at least not commit to attending every week, without hurting her feelings?

Isn't that one of your few free days that you devote to errands or catching up on your hobbies and housework?

Or, also, "Once a week is about it for me, and I really like the class I'm in now. Good luck."

But then, I have no problem telling even my best friend that I will not attend her Tupperware party or donate to her pet charity.

[Margo]

I think you just say to her "That's for the invite, but I feel I'm making progress in [current instructor]'s class"

If she pushes, I think you could also say that you prefer not to mix business and friendships.

[FauxFoodist]

I think you just say to her "That's for the invite, but I feel I'm making progress in [current instructor]'s class"

If she pushes, I think you could also say that you prefer not to mix business and friendships.

Pod.

[WillyNilly]

I don't understand "she wants to start a second one on a day she knows I can do." She can't know your schedule. She can guess at it, she can assume it, she can inquire about it but its your schedule and, as schedules are, subject to change. Not to mention your schedule is not the only the thing at stake, your budget is too.

I think you should just keep it simple and let her know "I think your class would be really fun, but right now I just don't have extra time and money to dedicate to this hobby. My current schedule is my limit."

If its the kind of class where you can do it, try to stop in maybe once every 4-8 weeks for a class with her, when you have extra time/money or maybe a week where you missed regular class.

[Hmmmmm]

I would just be honest. 

Friend, I only get to take this class once a week and I really like my current instructor. If that changes or if she cancels, I'll come check out your class.

I actually think it is a little mean for her to be poaching students from her old instructor's class. I can see if the class was getting full and they needed extra room. But to start up a competing class on the same day and during same time frame seems wrong.

[Snooks]

I'd be concerned about the place that is letting her teach classes having only been on a two day course.  I agree with others who say tell her you don't have space in your schedule for a second class.

[Raintree]

And for her I think it would be good is she built a separate client base.

"I think it would be good if you built a separate client base."

And add, "I think it's awesome that you're doing this, and I'll let as many people know as possible, but for myself, I feel more comfortable having an instructor that isn't a personal friend."

You are wise to steer clear of this. Just about every time I've tried to have a business interaction with a friend, it's turned out uncomfortable at best, and hard feelings at worst.