Author Topic: Entertaining as a Thank You  (Read 1308 times)

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sparksals

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Entertaining as a Thank You
« on: May 07, 2013, 12:20:51 PM »
I had major surgery 8 weeks ago.  I was laid up for about 5 weeks and the last three weeks, I have been much better.  I was unable to drive for 6 weeks b/c I had to wear a hard neck collar in the car.  Since I couldn't drive, I had to stay at home for that period of time.  My husband came home from work early one day a week so I had at least a weekly outing to a restaurant or bar.   I got the go ahead to resume driving last week.  YAY!  Freedom!


Many friends came to visit, sent over food, sent flowers, offered to pick me up to take me out for lunch, HH or coffee.  Others said they would prior to the surgery, but never did.  People get busy.


I would like to acknowledge the people who did do something.  Since I am not able to entertain just yet, we want to have an event at a local wine shop that has a wine/cheese bar.  We looked into restaurants and for about 25 people, would have cost a fortune.  At the place I am thinking, we can buy our own wine and beer in the shop, then serve it in the wine bar.  They have a menu of charcuterie, flatbreads and other snack type foods.  The location is lovely as they have a huge picture window overlooking the Mississippi.


How do I pen the invitation to this?  There are friends from our core group who didn't do anything, didn't enquire, didn't  call, text or email.  I plan to invite only those who sent food, visited, sent flowers, offered to pick me up, who took me out or enquired.  I want it to be a gratitude type of event for them taking the time to do what they did.  It was frustrating being cooped up at home for so long, being an independent person, so I really appreciate all that everyone did. 


This group is good about not mentioning events.  However, I am worried that some in the core group will hear about it and be hurt they were not invited.  That is why I want to put some reason for the event in the mailed invitation.  Then again, I don't want to point out to those that didn't do anything, that they didn't do anything. 


Normally, I would have an event at our house.  I just don't have the energy to do that right now and may not be able to entertain all summer.   Amazing how Anaesthetic lingers for months after!


Outdoor Girl

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2013, 12:26:54 PM »
This group is good about not mentioning events.  However, I am worried that some in the core group will hear about it and be hurt they were not invited.  That is why I want to put some reason for the event in the mailed invitation.  Then again, I don't want to point out to those that didn't do anything, that they didn't do anything.

Re:  The bolded:  I don't think it is a big deal.  You aren't singling them out in any way.  Those that attend the party will likely assume that So and So couldn't make it for some reason.

What about something like:

As a thank you for all your help and well wishes while I was laid up, you are cordially invited to *wine bar* on *date* at *time*.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Lynn2000

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2013, 12:29:04 PM »
I think it's a lovely idea. But, may I suggest a couple alternatives? Instead of one big party, could you take the people who helped you out to lunch on an individual basis, or invite them over one at a time? Then you could give each person the kind of one-on-one attention they gave you, and you could tell them exactly what they did that you appreciate. And/or, you could write extensive, personalized notes to the people who helped you, explaining the same.
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sparksals

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2013, 12:45:18 PM »
I think it's a lovely idea. But, may I suggest a couple alternatives? Instead of one big party, could you take the people who helped you out to lunch on an individual basis, or invite them over one at a time? Then you could give each person the kind of one-on-one attention they gave you, and you could tell them exactly what they did that you appreciate. And/or, you could write extensive, personalized notes to the people who helped you, explaining the same.

I sent TY cards to everyone already.  I thought of doing individually, but I can't really entertain.  I still get tired and it comes at unpredictable times.  That would also mean going out separately with about 12 people/couples.  With summer now,  there just isn't time to do that on an individual basis and it would cost considerably more.  If I could do it individually, that would have been my first choice.  Too many physical and financial limitations.

sparksals

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2013, 12:48:44 PM »
This group is good about not mentioning events.  However, I am worried that some in the core group will hear about it and be hurt they were not invited.  That is why I want to put some reason for the event in the mailed invitation.  Then again, I don't want to point out to those that didn't do anything, that they didn't do anything.

Re:  The bolded:  I don't think it is a big deal.  You aren't singling them out in any way.  Those that attend the party will likely assume that So and So couldn't make it for some reason.

What about something like:

As a thank you for all your help and well wishes while I was laid up, you are cordially invited to *wine bar* on *date* at *time*.

This sounds good.  So simple!  lol


gellchom

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2013, 02:38:17 PM »
I think this is a very nice idea.  The wording suggested is fine.

I wish you a speedy and complete recovery.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2013, 05:02:45 PM »
snip

How do I pen the invitation to this?  There are friends from our core group who didn't do anything, didn't enquire, didn't  call, text or email.  I plan to invite only those who sent food, visited, sent flowers, offered to pick me up, who took me out or enquired.  I want it to be a gratitude type of event for them taking the time to do what they did.  It was frustrating being cooped up at home for so long, being an independent person, so I really appreciate all that everyone did. 

This group is good about not mentioning events.  However, I am worried that some in the core group will hear about it and be hurt they were not invited.  That is why I want to put some reason for the event in the mailed invitation.  Then again, I don't want to point out to those that didn't do anything, that they didn't do anything


Normally, I would have an event at our house.  I just don't have the energy to do that right now and may not be able to entertain all summer.   Amazing how Anaesthetic lingers for months after!
[/quote]

In reading, I think you feel a little bad about not inviting everyone. Just remember you don't need to justify why some aren't invited. You just need to extend an invitation to those who are invited that you are doing so as a thank you.

If asked "Why aren't the Smiths here" be ready with a "Oh, I wanted this to be a thank you for those who helped me out so much during my convalescence."  You don't need to comment that the Smiths didn't do anything but you don't need to hide the reason for the party either.

I think the verbage suggested is great for the invitation.

(I was sure I mispelled convalescence, but spell check says it is a word. Maybe the wrong word because it doesn't look right to me.)

mime

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2013, 06:45:14 PM »
Very interesting...

I have also been considering hosting a small event for some friends and family that were especially supportive to DH and me during a difficult time, as a thank-you for thier thoughtfulness. It would mean drawing some seemingly strange lines between the invited and the not-invited (although the lines are quite obvious to me), and I've also been trying to decide how to handle it.

My plan is to make sure the invitation has wording about wanting to thank them "for supporting us as individuals and as a couple", or maybe calling it an "appreciation event", and including a very brief "thank you" speech after dinner, or a thank you note for everyone who comes. I hope in doing so, that if the event were discussed it would be called an "appreciation dinner" which would help those who were not invited understand why.

I understand not wanting to point out those who didn't do anything. From your post, it is clear where your heart is: in simply thanking people for their kindness, not in punishing anyone. As a horribly introverted person, I struggle to make myself simply call, visit, or email people. By my own inaction, I would have been left off of your invitation. I would understand completely with no hard feelings whatsoever that I wasn't invited to a thank-you night when I did nothing to warrant the 'thanks'.


sparksals

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2013, 06:51:51 PM »
Yes, that is right.  I just want to thank the people who went out of their way. 


Hmmm, yes I do feel badly about not inviting everyone.  I was worried it was going to come off to those not invited broadcasting that they didn't do anything. 

Hmmmmm

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Re: Entertaining as a Thank You
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2013, 07:00:32 PM »
Yes, that is right.  I just want to thank the people who went out of their way. 


Hmmm, yes I do feel badly about not inviting everyone.  I was worried it was going to come off to those not invited broadcasting that they didn't do anything.

If one of the non-invited evers brings up the party to you as in "Hey, I heard you had a party Friday night." Just respond as brightly as you can with "Oh, well, there were people I needed to thank for everything they did during my illness and I just wasn't up to individual entertaining. DH and I thought it best to do a group get together." Make sure to keep any hint of feeling bad about not inviting everyone to your event out of your voice. Respond just as if someone had said "Hey I heard you had your tooth filled on Friday." There is no reason anyone should expect  be invited to that. Respond to them in the same tone. They have no reason to expect an invitation to your party. There is nothing to hide.